I Think We've Been Here Before

by Suzy Krause

“Are you still upset that I wouldn’t let you tell her about my cancer?” “No.” “Really.” He leans forward, trying to get a closer look at her face. “I don’t believe you.” Hilda flushes. She’s always loved this about him, that he calls her bluff when she acts like she doesn’t care about something or isn’t upset. He gives her that look when she starts to shut down, and she can’t help but open up again. She’s glad that’s still here, that he’s still perceptive. “I’m not upset,” she says. “I just don’t understand why the two of you think it’s your job to save everyone else’s feelings.” “That’s not why—” “Yes, it is, Marlen. You didn’t want to tell her you had cancer over the phone because you wanted to be there to control her reaction. And she doesn’t want to talk to us right now for the exact same reason.” Marlen’s quiet for a moment. “Well, if that is what we’re doing, is it so bad—” “Yes, actually. Because the people around you would like a little autonomy, Marlen. Nora would probably like to be treated like an adult, and I know I would like my daughter to answer her phone when I call her, and I want her to give it to me straight even if all she has to say is, ‘Mom, I’m stuck here, and I don’t think I’ll ever see you again,’ and if that is what she says, well . . .”—Hilda’s mouth wobbles, and red splotches appear suddenly around her eyes—“then I will head straight to the ocean and start swimming. As it is, I just feel so—why are you looking at me like that?” He’s smirking a l...