The Days I Loved You Most

by Amy Neff

The lightness in my voice fades. “No, it’s not. But you’re healthy...you have more time.” “I’ve spent too many days without you.”

“I will never stop wishing for more time with you.”

But they have always been this way, wrapped up in each other, codependent, and part of me is not surprised they would propose an end like this.

his eyes following me with a gaze like physical touch;

“Dying isn’t the only thing that kills us, son,”

Real commitment requires cultivation. It’s not about the tingle in your belly and a rush of adrenaline. It’s not magic, or fairy dust, that sustains a spark. Steadiness over time is what makes it beautiful.

I tried to picture a life without him and I couldn’t go through with it. Losing him and hurting him was more terrifying than anything we could face together.”

I can’t imagine my life without Evelyn, I have never known a world she didn’t brighten; I wouldn’t want to inhabit the darkness her absence would create.

loving someone doesn’t mean losing yourself, that it can add more than it takes.

“But it was also the hardest days. The days I was lost, the days I thought I’d lose you. When everything fell apart but you were all I needed.” A tear falls down her cheek, her hand clasped in mine, a hold so tender I never want to let go. “Those are the days I loved you most.”

Given the chance, how do we begin a goodbye, to include everything they will need to hear after we are gone?