First Down (Beyond the Play #1)

by Grace Reilly

After all was said and done, my father and I agreed: no girlfriends until I got into the league. No distractions. But being able to hold Bex, just like this? I’m willing to take the risk.

“You and Bex are getting pretty serious.” I keep my grin in check by burying my nose in my textbook. “Yep.” “Even though you said you weren’t going to date anyone the rest of your college career.” “She’s different, man.” Coop flops back against the bed. “Seb told me you want her to come over at Christmas.” “Yep.” “Christmas.” “Isn’t that what I just said?”

Maybe it’s silly, but I want to fall asleep next to her in my childhood bedroom. I want to see if she has any cute Christmas earrings, and if she doesn’t, buy her a pair or ten. I want my family to see how special she is.

“James. I love you. But this is a bad idea. Dad already doesn’t like her.” “I can handle Dad. She’s not Sara.” “At least Sara would have followed you anywhere you went in the league.” “What?” “She’s committed to the diner, right? Which means she’ll be here. You’re probably going to be across the country.”

“What, am I wrong? You started out pretending to date her, which was doomed from the fucking start because you get like this, man. You romanticize things. You’re letting yourself get in too deep with a girl who isn’t going to be able to give herself to you the way you’re giving yourself to her.”

“I know you. I know how you get when you think you’re in love.” “I’m not in love with her,” I reply. But my heart jumps into my throat. I’m not lying, exactly. But I’m not telling the whole truth, and damnit, Cooper can tell. “I think she’s cool,” he says. “I’m not saying she isn’t.” “But?” “But she’s going to hurt you. It’s just a matter of when.” Anger rolls through me. “Noted.”

“Just make sure you’re thinking this through.” “Did you come in here just to insult my girlfriend?” I say shortly. I’m officially done with this conversation. He rubs his beard, looking me over. He must sense my resistance because he shakes his head slightly. “No, I wanted to talk about Izzy. Does she still want to go into the city for a shopping spree? Dinner after at Le Bernardin?”

“Babe, no,” he says, a horrified note in his voice. “I don’t know, I feel like the whole Nicolas Cage dirty mountain man thing works for me. Don’t act like you don’t have celebrity crushes too. I saw that photo of Jennifer Lopez on your phone.” “I’m hanging up.” I giggle. “Sorry. But really, are you nervous?” “Nope. I don’t get nervous about performing.” “I feel like there’s a dirty joke in there,”

But most of all, I hate that she’s right. It doesn’t matter what city James ends up in. He could be in San Francisco or Philadelphia or anywhere else, and the outcome will be the same. He’ll meet a girl, he’ll fall in love with her, and he’ll forget that he ever had anything to do with me. And me? I’ll be here, living the same life I always have.

Right now, he’s exactly where he’s meant to be. And the problem is, I am too.

“James!” Coach calls. “I told your girlfriend she could take pictures of the practice, and practice doesn’t start until you have a football in your hands. Get over here.” I kiss her cheek quickly. “See you. Get my good side.” “That’s his butt,” Fletch says with a wink. “Make sure you get plenty of butt shots.” “He does have a nice butt,” she says, which of course makes half the squad hoot and holler. “You’re gonna be in trouble later!”

“What are you going to do, throw a snowball at me?” she calls back. Not a bad idea. “With my aim, princess? Don’t give me ideas you’re not prepared to handle.”

“It’s a hobby. I love it, but it’s just a hobby.” “Would you say the same thing to me about football? ‘Hey, babe, I know you’re super talented at it, but it’s a hobby, you ought to go get that real job now.’” “It’s not the same and you know it.” “Why?” “Because it is!” she cries. “I don’t have a choice.” “You could sell it. Just sell it and take the money and open a business you actually want to run. You’ll have the business degree.” “Don’t tell me what to do.” “I’m not telling—I just want you to be happy.”

“You deserve everything you want,” I say. “Okay? That’s all I meant. If the diner is really what you want . . .” “It is.” “Okay.”

“I’m sorry. But call her, please. Even if it’s just a hobby, if it interests you, you should do it. I watched you way more than I should have during practice, and I could tell how much fun you were having. Even in the snow.”

“What’s this for?” she whispers when I finally break away. “Wanted to do that all practice.” She snorts. “I know what I look like in this coat. I’m a marshmallow.” “Cutest marshmallow ever.” I kiss her again. “Sexiest, too.”

“So,” he says eventually. “You brought her home for Christmas.” I swipe at my forehead. “Yep.” “After we agreed no girlfriends.” “I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just . . . evolved.” “After you pretended to be with her. I could have told you how well that was going to go.”

“She’s not like Sara.” I sidestep a pothole. “She’s nothing like her, actually. And I really care about her.” He stops suddenly, and I nearly bump into him. He eyes me, chest heaving. “Christ. You’re in love with her.”

“James,” he says heavily. “It’s different this time.” “Until she gets in the way.” “Sara didn’t—” I pause, scrubbing a hand over my face. “She didn’t get in the way. She was sick. I made the choices I did because I cared about her.” “Exactly.” He reaches out, squeezing my shoulder. “Beckett seems like a nice girl. I’m not saying she isn’t. But we talked about needing to choose the game. I thought you understood that.”

“I’ve been choosing the game all season.” “And what happens when she wants you to choose her, but it gets in the way of the game?”

“It’s almost the end of the season.” “What about when this becomes your full-time job? Would she be willing to move with you?” “Mom moved with you.” “Your mother and I had a unique understanding,” he says. “It’s very hard for most people to understand and accept the sacrifices necessary to succeed in this world.” “And despite not knowing Bex, you think she’s like that?”

“I’m just reminding you to be careful. If you play the way you’ve been playing, in a few days you’ll be a national champ. But then comes the draft. Graduating. Reporting to your first training camp. Your first season, likely in Philly or San Francisco.” “And I see Bex by my side for all of that. Just like I’ll be at her side for everything she needs and wants to do.” “Does she?”

If I asked her to come with me to San Francisco right now, I don’t know what her answer would be; she’s been steadfast about sticking with her mother’s diner. Long distance? I’ve never tried it and I’m not sure I could make myself. There’s a hell of a difference between away games or a couple weeks of training camp and living across the country from your girlfriend.

“I know you love her,” Dad says into the silence. “I know you think you’re going to be with her forever. But you thought that about Sara too, son, and look how that turned out.”

“James has told me so much about you,” she says. “He was afraid of telling his father, but I make us have regular phone calls, and lately, they’ve been all about you.” “You’re not making him,” I say honestly. “He’s always happier after you call.” “You’ve been spending a lot of time together.” I nod. Even though I have my dorm room, I’ve been spending more and more nights at James’s lately.

“I was worried, after Sara—he told me you know about Sara—that he would punish himself. What happened was horrible, but it wasn’t his fault. That’s not how a healthy person responds to a breakup.” “No,” I agree softly. “She’s doing okay now though, right?” “Yes. I still talk to her mother from time to time. She’s safe and finishing up her degree at a different school, close to her cousins.” “That’s good.”

“You must be so excited for James to go into the NFL,” I say, grasping at the weak opportunity for a conversation change. “Excited? Yes. Terrified? Also yes. I watched my husband get knocked down routinely by men built like freight trains for seventeen years. It’s not for the faint of heart, Bex.” “At least they don’t usually fight like they do in NHL hockey.” “Don’t even get me started,”

“This is why Izzy is my favorite. Volleyball doesn’t usually involve flying fists, thank goodness.” She winks. “Don’t tell the kids I said that.” “I’m sure Izzy would rub it in their faces for years to come.” “You’re starting to get how our family works.”

“I can see my son cares about you. A lot. And I know you’re probably going to think this is weird, but thank you for that. He deserves to have someone in his corner. He’s so serious all the time—he was that way even as a boy. Always following the rules, always giving everything his all. But when he l...

“And I may not know you all that well yet, but that’s what I see when you look at him.”

“The only fair thing is to dump them all in the middle,” Sandra says. “Everyone makes a grab for it.” “Do you really want Seb to get Coop into a headlock again?” says James. She raises her eyebrows at her son. “All’s fair in love and games.” “Well said, darling,” says Richard, punctuating that with a kiss.

“Let’s go to sleep,” I murmur, stroking my hand through her tangled hair. “Otherwise, Santa won’t come.” She cups my jaw. “One day you’ll tell our kids that.” “Bex,” I say helplessly. Fuck, she’s so pretty it makes my chest ache. Those beautiful brown eyes look at me in my dreams, and every day I wake up grateful I get to see them for real. “I love you,” she whispers, so quietly I think for a moment I imagined it.

“Fuck, I love you.” I gather her up into a hug, fisting my hand in her hair. She digs her nails into my back. We stay like that for a long moment, breathing each other in.

I love you. The words are on a loop in my mind and on my lips as we move against each other. I love you. I love you. I say it so many times I get breathless.

But in this moment, it absolutely does. I’m in the house I grew up in, surrounded by the family I would protect with my life, but never has it felt so real and perfect and like home. Not until now. Not until Beckett.

If I could only pick one person to be around, one person to know, one person to love, for the rest of my life—I’d choose her. We’re still pressed tightly together when I hear her breathing begin to even out. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, I slip out of her. She turns into my chest, yawning, nestling her head against me. No, we’re not alone in the world, but right now, underneath the covers—it does feel like we’re in a world of our own. “One day I will tell our kids that,” I whisper. My heartbeat quickens at the thought. “Because I’m yours, forever.”

It turns out that Christmas morning is a lot more fun when you’re in a houseful of people, and when the guy by your side told you he loves you . . . and that he’s yours.

“Hey, Mom, Merry Christ—” “Bexy. I knew you’d pick up.” Darryl’s voice stops me cold. I get up, murmuring an apology to James, his family, the room at large—I don’t know. I can barely swallow. My heart is in my throat. “Yeah, their house is beautiful,” I say loudly, so James won’t follow. “James got me the prettiest pair of earrings; I’ll text you a picture.” Somehow, I make it to the bathroom. I lock the door and slump against it. “Darryl. What the fuck are you doing?”

“You’re with him?” He snorts. “Should have guessed. You’re still riding his dick for all it’s worth.” “What do you want?” “Is that all it takes, babe? A mansion and fancy earrings? I thought you had more substance than that.” “I’m going to hang up.” “Wait.” There’s a genuine note of emotion in his voice, so I don’t. Damnit, why is he calling me on Christmas? “I want to know.” “Know what?” “Why him?” He pauses, breathing heavily on the line. “Why’d you pick that asshole?” “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“And he’s not an asshole, he’s my boyfriend and your teammate and you need to back the hell up.” “You never wanted to meet my family. Go to my parents’ house. I had to drag you to dinner with them. The one time I tried to do something fucking nice for you and buy your stupid photography, you wouldn’t let me.” I shut my eyes. “Who cares, Darryl? It was a year ago.” “I know I fucked up when I cheated,” he says. “But I’m not letting you go.” “You need to.” “No.” “Saying no won’t—” “No,” he snaps. His voice cracks over the line like lightning. “Don’t fucking tell me no.”

“Bexy,” he says, his voice breaking, softer now. “I miss you. I still . . .” I’m quiet for a moment. “Darryl, we’re not together anymore.” “You’re the only one I’ve ever—” “Stop calling me,” I interrupt, terrified of whatever he’s about to say. I can’t hear those words come out of his mouth. Not now, not ever. Especially not so soon after James said it to me. “You don’t even want to hear what I have to say?”

“Thanks for asking. Should we . . .” “You love my son,” Richard says. It’s not a question. I nod. “And you agree that he’s destined for greatness.” I’ve never heard someone use that expression seriously. But it’s not like he’s lying, so I nod again. “He’s so talented.” My response makes Richard relax slightly.

“I like you, Beckett. I think you have a good head on your shoulders. I admire practicality.” “Thank you?” “I want to talk to you about a matter of practicality.”

“I have no problem with you dating him. In fact, I think you’ve been good for him. In an ideal world, you’ll be in his life for a long time. But we agree that the most important thing is for him to fulfill his destiny, right? He should have the chance to become the legend he has the talent and potential to be.” I nod; that’s easy. “Yes. It’s all I want for him.” “Good. We’re in agreement.”

“All I’m asking is for you not to threaten that. If my son cares for you, he’ll put you first. He’ll never put himself first. And that’s exactly what he needs to do right now.” He takes a step closer. “Whatever problems you’re dealing with, whatever leads to phone conversations like that—don’t tell him. Don’t make it his problem. Not now. Do you understand?”

“This goes for the diner, too. Think long and hard before tying yourself to it. Because he won’t choose the team he ends up on.” “I know.” “He’d be faithful, but would it be the best thing for you both? Think about it.”

“Darryl. Are you ready for the game?” He reaches out and tugs at my press pass. “Oh, shit, look at you.” I lean back slightly. “You have to stop doing this.” “Doing what?” he says. “Trying to get back my girlfriend?” “Yes.” I cross my arms over my chest. I’m wearing James’s jersey, and I know it’s not productive right now, but I hope it annoys him. “You gave that up when you cheated on me.” “And I told you, that was a mistake. Worst mistake I ever made.” “Good. Tell that to whomever you date next.”

“Darryl. You don’t want me anymore. Even before I met James, we were broken up.” “Cut the shit,” he says, that cold, angry note back in his tone. “You dump me and then turn around and immediately start dating him? I love you, Bex. You know how much it hurts to see you together?” “If you really did, you wouldn’t have cheated on me!” I can’t help my rising voice. “I moved on, and you need to move on too. Stop finding me on campus. Stop coming to where I work. Stop calling me. Just stop.” “I know you were lying about dating him,” he says.

“What?” “Maybe you’re not lying now, but you lied to begin with, and you made me look like a fucking idiot.” I swallow. “I cared about you a lot. I still want you to be happy. But you’re not going to be happy with me.” He shakes his head. “No. Stop telling me no.” “Darryl—” “Break up with him.” I laugh incredulously. “You’re not seriously asking me that.” “Break up with him, or I’ll tell everyone the real reason why he left LSU.”

“Fuck, Bex!” “You’re an asshole!” I cry, trying to keep my voice as quiet as possible in case anyone else is around. “I’m not breaking up with him. You need to back the fuck up.”