A Thousand Broken Pieces (A Thousand Boy Kisses, #2)

by Tillie Cole

“I have come to understand that death, for the sick, is not so hard to endure. For us, eventually our pain ends, we go to a better place. But for those left behind, their pain only magnifies.”

She looked over her shoulder, to where Rune was sitting on the bed, laying kiss after kiss on my older sister’s hands, her fingers, her face, looking at his Poppymin like he always had—like she had been designed solely for him.

I was simply broken. I didn’t know how to heal, how to put myself back together again. The truth was, when Poppy died, all light vanished from my world, and I’d been stumbling around in the dark ever since.

I feel so bad for Savannah!

I felt Poppy’s absence like a noose pulling tighter around my neck day by day.

“So she won’t miss out on new adventures,” he would tell me. Then there were the days when he would visit Poppy, and I would sit behind a nearby tree, unnoticed and hidden, and listen to him speak to her. When tears would cascade from my eyes at the unfairness of the world. At us losing the brightest star in our skies, at Rune losing half of his heart. As far as I knew, he had never dated anyone else. He told me once that he would never feel about anyone else the way he felt about Poppy and that although their time together was short, it had been enough to last him a lifetime.

I feared it would only cause me more pain.

grief never left us. Instead we adapted, like it was a new appendage we had to learn to use. That at any moment, pain and heartache could strike and break us. But eventually we would develop the tools to cope with it and find a way to move on.

Because she was buried in the ground behind me. Eternally seventeen. The age I was now. Never to grow old. Never to shine her light. Never to share her music. A travesty the world would forever be deprived of.

You’re going, kid…

“I used to sneak into your room at night, just to be sure you were breathing.” I didn’t know.

“But the thing I’ve found hardest since we lost Poppy…” I held my breath, waiting for what she would say. Ida’s shoulders dropped and she whispered, “Was that awful day… I lost you too.”

Poppy, please, if you can hear me. Help me. Please, just one last time. Help me get through this. Help me learn how to live without you. Help me be okay.

I had to try. For her, I would. That was fast becoming my mantra.

Then I’d remember, and I’d lose her all over again. I lost her repeatedly, each morning when I woke and had to be reminded that she was gone. Every significant moment that happened to me, I would want to tell her. Every song I knew she’d like, and she wasn’t here to hear it. Every piece of classical music I heard, and picturing her with her cello, eyes closed, head swaying, completely lost to the melody.

A loved one’s death wasn’t a onetime thing that you had to endure. It was an endless cycle. A cruel Groundhog Day that burned away at your heart and soul until there was nothing left but scorched flesh where they once had been.

“He’s who I’ve lost. Why I’m here.”

Dylan was so charismatic and jolly, and this goes to show that not everything you see is the full picture.

Dylan forced his infectious smile, smothering the inner sadness that I could see was screaming to be released.

“As special as special can be…”

Poppy smiled and ran her hand over her bald head. “Has gone,” she said, seeming just as upbeat as she always was. She tipped her head to the side. “Do I suit it?”

It's incredible that when she is fighting cancer, Poppy manages to stay strong and be positive. It takes a lot of couragve to do that in a dark time of your life. Especially if your life is the one on the line. One thing to learn from Poppy is that no matter how dark the darkness is, there is light. You just have to look for it.

“Some people are only in our lives for a short time, but the mark they leave on us is a cherished tattoo.”

I shiver raced up my spine. I was never religious like Poppy, and when she left us, any belief in a greater power seemed to drain from my soul. To me, we were all made of stardust. And when we passed, we’d take our place back amongst the stars where we were created. But, I froze and stared at that celestial strip of colored light. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck raised like static was flowing around me.

I have returned home.

They say home is where the people you love and cherish are. I hope Poppy saw her Mamaw at "home".

I embrace death and what comes next with my eyes wide open and joy in my soul.

I know I’ll be watching over you. I could never stay away from you too long. And even though I’m not standing there before you, I want to help you move on.

I need you to believe that you are never alone.

I love you, Savannah. Never forget that, because love will always carry you through.

When there are 2 sets of footprints in the sand, you and another are walking together. If there is only one, that means they are carrying you through a tough time, lifting you off your feet. -Poppy's Poem

my Poppy…

Poppymin…

“I just need her,” I whispered.

Peaches.”

Grief was like that, forever reminding you it was close by.

Say yes to new adventures, Savannah. They may just lead you to happiness. Always Forever, Poppy

Just seeing my name in her script swelled my heart so big I thought it might burst from my chest.

"…And my heart almost burst."

You will need people to help carry you through.

Silent tears fell onto my chest as I shut the notebook. I closed my eyes and thought of Rune. In the aftermath of Poppy’s death, he was completely broken. But gradually, day by day, he’d begun to find his way back to life again. Find meaning in why he was left behind.

“Keep your heart open and let love in when it should present itself…”

And two simple hand squeezes had made that so.

Because when you have lost something so precious, when something priceless comes along, you embrace it with both hands. And you never let it go.

Finally free.

cherry ChapStick

What Poppy always used!

Then I came to a stop at Savannah’s. Pale pinks made flowers of her canvas. A mason jar sat off to the side, a blossom tree in the background too. Stars hung in the sky, looking down upon the scene. It was calm and peaceful. It looked like a place I wanted to see.

With her soulmate, Rune.”

“Kiss one thousand was given on her very last breath.”

He never treated me like I was lesser than him. Hell, he never even told me to get out of his room. He didn’t send me away from the frozen pond on our property when his friends came to play hockey. He included me. Always.”

refused to let it consume me too.

“I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think he’s found someone else.

“I’m not sure he ever will.”

"These lips are yours forever, Poppymin." -Rune, A Thousand Boy Kisses

I would love to have given Cillian something like this. Would love to have given him a piece of heaven after the hell he’d so secretly lived in.

“Here, especially in Varanasi, we celebrate all parts of life. Even death. For us, it is just another part of our journey we take as people. We live life in the open, and that means we see death in the open too.”

I think that Death is an achievement. It shows how strong you were in life, no matter how short it was.

To us, that is something to be celebrated, not mourned.”