A Thousand Broken Pieces (A Thousand Boy Kisses #2)

by Tillie Cole

She looked over her shoulder, to where Rune was sitting on the bed, laying kiss after kiss on my older sister’s hands, her fingers, her face, looking at his Poppymin like he always had—like she had been designed solely for him.

I was shaking my head, over and over, silently begging God, the universe, anyone to stop this, to bless us with a miracle and keep her here with us, even if it was for just a bit longer.

In that moment, I lost something in my soul that I knew I would never get back.

I didn’t know how to heal, how to put myself back together again. The truth was, when Poppy died, all light vanished from my world, and I’d been stumbling around in the dark ever since.

“So she won’t miss out on new adventures,” he would tell me. Then there were the days when he would visit Poppy, and I would sit behind a nearby tree, unnoticed and hidden, and listen to him speak to her. When tears would cascade from my eyes at the unfairness of the world. At us losing the brightest star in our skies, at Rune losing half of his heart. As far as I knew, he had never dated anyone else. He told me once that he would never feel about anyone else the way he felt about Poppy and that although their time together was short, it had been enough to last him a lifetime.

grief never left us. Instead we adapted, like it was a new appendage we had to learn to use. That at any moment, pain and heartache could strike and break us. But eventually we would develop the tools to cope with it and find a way to move on.

Because she was buried in the ground behind me. Eternally seventeen. The age I was now. Never to grow old. Never to shine her light. Never to share her music. A travesty the world would forever be deprived of.

“But the thing I’ve found hardest since we lost Poppy…” I held my breath, waiting for what she would say. Ida’s shoulders dropped and she whispered, “Was that awful day… I lost you too.”

Poppy, please, if you can hear me. Help me. Please, just one last time. Help me get through this. Help me learn how to live without you. Help me be okay.

Losing someone you loved—the club no one ever wanted to be in, but one we would all be forced to join at some point in our lives. No one would escape it. It was simply a matter of when.

Just once…just once, I wanted to think of her and not feel beaten, not feel bruised. I wanted to remember her as she used to be—perfect, joyful, full of life. Not sick or sad or fighting to remain positive when there was nothing but tragedy awaiting at the end of her story.

Remembering her on her deathbed haunted me. It would wake me up in the middle of night. And every time I awoke, for a split moment, I would always believe I’d only had a nightmare and that Poppy was in her room, safely tucked up in bed. Then I’d remember, and I’d lose her all over again.

It was one of the worst things, I thought, when you lost someone. Having good news to share, and for a second—just one borrowed second of peace—being excited to tell them. Before reality inevitably crashed down, and you were reminded that you would never tell them anything again.

A loved one’s death wasn’t a onetime thing that you had to endure. It was an endless cycle. A cruel Groundhog Day that burned away at your heart and soul until there was nothing left but scorched flesh where they once had been.

Grief was walking through a minefield with no protection or guide.

I’m afraid grief is incurable. But we can learn to live with it. We can learn to find happiness again. To smile and laugh. And there will come a time where memories of our loved ones are more positive than negative. Where we will be able to talk of them again with happiness, not sadness, and remember the good times.”

“Some people are only in our lives for a short time, but the mark they leave on us is a cherished tattoo.”

I miss you so much. Hearing from you after so long was like visiting heaven itself, only to be told I had been there too long, and it was time to go home.

Grief was like that, forever reminding you it was close by.

“I don’t think grief works like that.” I turned to face Cael, unsure what he meant. “I don’t think grief sticks to any timeline, Sav.” He searched my eyes, and I became lost in their depths. “If someone judges you for how long it’s taking you to move past a loved one’s death, be happy for them, because it means they’ve never experienced it.”

Life changed. People changed. That was the journey of humankind. One that we had no choice but to embrace.

it was that fear had to be faced to defeat it. I had to defeat it. I was done running away.

If there was one thing I now knew in this world, it was how it felt to be loved. To be adored. To be held in both your weakest and strongest moments. I knew what a soulmate truly was.

You couldn’t lose someone you loved so much and ever return to the person you were before. Loss changed you. But you could heal.