Savor It

by Tarah DeWitt

Sometimes courage is just quietly trying again,

My sweet, beautiful, impossibly kind, and lonely girl trying to make sense of her world using notes from the past.

My chest feels heavy, every breath weighted and scraping me raw from the inside out. I miss her so much I think it could swallow me whole.

fell in love with you, and with this place, and it should’ve been enough to make me stay. I should’ve been able to show Indy that, too, but I was scared to fuck it up again. We’re better than how you found us, but we’re still working on ourselves.” He makes a frustrated sound. “Can I hold you? Please?” I step into his chest in answer and we both shudder in relief. “We both know that life changes,” he continues. “But for once I’d like to be the one to change it, for something great. Something Sage. “So

yes, I can move my life here. Indy and I both made that choice. I currently have a month-to-month lease agreement for that house back there.” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder to the Andersen place. “I also have connections with the Main Street Business Coalition. More commonly known as the mob.” He pulls me even closer. “I can move to be with you, because I’m doing it for me, too. Me, and Indy, and this menagerie of pets, and Walter, and your brothers, and most importantly, for Martha O’Doyle.”

All I know is that I can cook anywhere, Sage, and I didn’t want to wait for the logistics and the minutiae to work out before I could start a life with you. I want every minute of it, every second.”

“Nothing’s for certain, except that I certainly fucking love you.” I push up and kiss him because I think I’ll die if I don’t.

“You once told me you thought you were a lot of nots,” he says. “I want you to know that to me, you’re everything. I love that you’re full of terrible puns that you’re not afraid to follow with profound wisdom.” He thumbs my temple like he’s caressing my mind. “You’re all the shapes made perfectly to hold me, and you’re all my favorite colors.” His lips press against my chin. “You’re definitely my favorite flavor,” he says lowly into my ear, and I feel my laugh rumble through our embrace softly. “I love you so much,” I have to say. “I love you, too. Please bring me home.”

“You’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

Only a few rings on this evening, one bare finger in particular I intend to adorn very soon.

“So beautiful it hurts,” I tell her. She pulls me down for a kiss that’s probably too passionate for public display, but that’s my Sage. All heart, full force, and making every moment matter.

I’ll never know why I got this lucky. Of all the places in all the world I might’ve ended up, the idea that fate might’ve landed Indy and me anywhere else grips me with terror some days. I think because of how hard I want to hold on to this life, how badly I wish I could slow it down. The elevator dings at the back of the room, and we all turn in unison just as Silas and Ellis begin to walk Martha O’Doyle down the aisle. Turns out, Martha and Walter had been living their own star-crossed story throughout the years, pining from a distance until something inspired them to finally take the plunge. They decided to quit wasting their days and to be with the one they love.

I dance as much as I can with Sage, even if it makes me hungry to get her home. And whenever we’re separated throughout the evening, I find that I still watch the woman I love. She’s the one I intend to make my wife, who helps me parent Indy, and who I’d be honored to raise more children and even more animals with one

day. She’s the woman who has taught me to let go of so much so that I can wish and dream for more. I plan to savor every bit of it.