Loud: Accept Nothing Less Than the Life You Deserve

by Drew Afualo

you can’t feel “emasculated” if your self-validation doesn’t come from overpowering your partner)—

the me of today is someone I’m proud and happy to be, and the me of tomorrow is someone I am excited to become.

Hateful people beget hateful people,

It’s not our fault if we are born ignorant, but it is our fault if we die that way.

in your rush to grow up, you never forget the child you once were—the beautiful thing about being alive is that there is something valuable to be learned at every phase of it.

no matter how great a man can be on an individual basis, all men benefit from the patriarchy.

it truly never serves you to live for the enjoyment and pleasure of men.

identifying the one thing that has always been a true and intrinsic part of my character and upbringing that is not aligned with being a pick-me—and believe me, we all have one—and questioning if I was able to give that up just to be a more willing participant in the patriarchy.

That’s what’s provided the foundation of feeling like I’d be okay even if I ended up alone, without a romantic relationship, because the friends, family, and community I surround myself with are more than enough. I don’t need to let a horrible man into the equation just to feel loved. I am already plenty loved without that.

You don’t need to forgive a person just because they asked you to and they would like for you to be ready to move on.

and stay dogged in our conviction that we are so much more than what men expect us to be. We deserve to take up space, to speak our minds, to know we hold value beyond what the male gaze deems worthy of praise.

In fact, I felt the way that I did because I felt such a deep conviction that I was way more than enough, and I truly believed, in my heart of hearts, that no man I had ever met actually deserved what I had to offer him. It made no sense to chase after a subpar man out of loneliness, when there is actually nothing more lonely than living life in an emotionally unbalanced relationship.

I think the universe has a really funny way of giving us what we want, not when we want it, but when we’re ready to receive it.

There is absolutely no one in this world worth letting go of your self-love for,

but what I’m working on believing and embodying the most in my body neutrality journey is the idea that the vessel is worthless if the contents inside are rotten.

The patriarchy’s goal is to make you want to shrink and hide, both physically and emotionally. It wants you to be nervous about what will happen if you don’t.

Because even on the days I don’t feel my most confident, or I feel that societal beauty standards are whooping my ass, I remind myself that I am more than what I look like. I ask myself, am I a good person? Am I making things that I am proud of? Am I taking care of the people I care about? And if the answer to all those questions is still yes, it helps center me.

At the end you’ll see the true tea, which is: you will never be enough. So my advice is to abandon that path and forge a new one. One that is full of patience, love, and empathy. Because that is what you deserve.

There is no right way to be a woman, only your way.

So why is this emotional capacity never something you offer to yourself? Why do you think you aren’t worthy of the love and support you so freely give to others you care about?