Loud: Accept Nothing Less Than the Life You Deserve

by Drew Afualo

Fuck being cool and fuck being chill. If the reward for being the “coolest” girl in the room is a sliver of attention from the world’s most mediocre men, then I would happily commit to never being chill. And never being cool.

If your approach to connecting with anyone, not just men, is based on superiority, then it will never provide a stable foundation for a meaningful relationship of any kind.

So how can I not feel sorry for the pick-me? She is living a life devoid of color and unconditional love and support from women. Because just like I realized when I was younger, that is what life becomes when you gear it toward men: empty.

The sad thing is that at its most effective, the patriarchy not only subjugates women and makes them believe they are less than, but also makes men into less empathetic, more close-minded versions of who they could be. In short, for the patriarchy to work, everyone gets hurt.

As the writer and activist Audre Lorde wrote, “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.”

However, grown women who buy into the patriarchy in a way that is actively misogynistic and harmful have my empathy, but not my respect.

no one can take care of and love me like I love myself, if it came down to it, I could do it alone. I could die alone for all I care, because that’s what I would rather do than give my love to someone undeserving.

You cannot make a man feel less than unless he first derives power from being stronger than you (in whatever capacity that is).

The male gaze convinces us that we should value ourselves only through the narrow (and often racist/fatphobic/ableist) lens of what’s attractive to men, when in reality, our bodies are individual works of art. We each encompass and hold such a palpable and divine energy that deserves to be celebrated on our own terms.

I still have no idea what the next year, let alone decade, has in store for the body I’m currently in. All I know is that I’m going to care for it, respect it, and be thankful for it, as best I can for as long as I can.