Loud: Accept Nothing Less Than the Life You Deserve

by Drew Afualo

What I am here to say, though, is that it’s not okay for any of us to be spending a crippling amount of time or energy trying to cultivate the image that we think will positively affect how the patriarchy perceives our bodies. Terrible men don’t deserve that and they never will.

Physically, mentally, and spiritually, there was absolutely no part of myself that I needed to stunt in order to better appeal to men.

They all simply weren’t enough for me. Men who were easily intimidated by my build, my personality, my laugh, ANY part of me that makes me uniquely myself, didn’t have what it took. So what was I so worried about?

Because one thing about me? I’m not going to put all my worth and value in the incapable hands of a man who’s easily “intimidated” by women who don’t fit within a harmful and bigoted beauty standard. The stress I had put on myself to appeal to them was no longer viable and couldn’t hurt me anymore.

You cannot make a man feel less than unless he first derives power from being stronger than you (in whatever capacity that is). The male gaze convinces us that we should value ourselves only through the narrow (and often racist/fatphobic/ableist) lens of what’s attractive to men, when in reality, our bodies are individual works of art. We each encompass and hold such a palpable and divine energy that deserves to be celebrated on our own terms.

The only thing more powerful than knowing your own worth is recognizing and asserting it, together with incredibly talented peers who are there to continue to not only validate your experiences, but also fight for you where they can.