Loud: Accept Nothing Less Than the Life You Deserve

by Drew Afualo

it’s okay if you want to be mad, it’s okay if you want to yell back, and it’s okay if you want to be a bitch to men who are disrespectful to you or anyone around you.

the primary goal in what I do is actually to decenter men. It is meant to empower you by taking away the power of misogynistic men when it comes to how you value and see yourself.

not only are you not asking for too much in a potential partner, but you should be asking for more.

there’s no such thing as “lesser” work when it comes to building a family and being a good partner—

it would’ve made sense for the two of them to be working in tandem, as equals. And whether they said so explicitly or not, that kind of gendered dynamic sends a subliminal message to young people: this is what’s expected from girls; this is what’s expected from boys. It’s how gender roles are internalized,

patriarchy is such a trap, because falling into it will do nothing but reinforce harmful beliefs that have women pushing other women down to further uplift men. And it’s crazy because the deeper we fall into this mindset at a young age, the longer we spend in it, and the more difficult it is to undo

no matter how great a man can be on an individual basis, all men benefit from the patriarchy. So yes, that includes men you love and admire,

Why do you feel the need to take up this mantle for a man you don’t even know? A man who, in his own words, has expressed an extreme distaste for women?

teenage boyhood is a special kind of hell for everyone involved—

when my anger at being disrespected outweighed my fear of being disliked,

I could scrub myself of all personality, fold myself into the tiniest box, and still there would be a horrible man who’d find me lacking in some way, because when men are misogynists, they hate all women, full stop. Not just “loud” and “angry” ones. Not just “slutty” ones. Not just “fat” ones.

He’s outwardly and unapologetically misogynistic, and a whole bunch of terrible men love him for it. Even if they don’t necessarily seem violent or harmful (which they are; emotional and verbal abuse are still very much valid forms of abuse),