Loud: Accept Nothing Less Than the Life You Deserve

by Drew Afualo

I tell them it’s okay if you want to be mad, it’s okay if you want to yell back, and it’s okay if you want to be a bitch to men who are disrespectful to you or anyone around you.

Which, by the way, if you think I’m loud and outspoken, I know for a fact you haven’t met my mom, who is both the breadwinner and the beating heart of our family.

The difference between teenage Drew and the Drew of today, though, is that I no longer think my interest in those things makes me special or different, nor do I want it to. I no longer give two shits if the things I like make me more or less appealing to men.

Even though I’ve always been outspoken, for almost my entire adolescence, from the start of middle school to my early college years, I craved male approval.

It wasn’t a conscious decision, but it was an inevitable one.

No matter how many women you try to step on to be seen by the world’s most mediocre men, you will never be taller than any man. You will always be one step below. And how can they respect you when they’re always looking down at you?

The irony in this situation being that they, as men, don’t realize that an oppressive structure like the patriarchy sets up impossible standards to live up to on their end as well.

It is imperative that we all, regardless of how we identify, recognize the violent and persistent harm misogyny perpetuates in this world.

“When your needs are consistently not being met, you end up turning into the person you most fear you may actually be.”

I always compare myself to a venomous snake: in order to be the best version of myself for the world, I must expel my venom.

For a long time, I was actually convinced that the desire would come for me eventually, but years would pass, I would reach certain milestones, and still … nothing.

It turns out that when you stop believing the lie that women are on some kind of strict timeline, the world opens up to you and what it is you really want.

When I look back at my childhood, I remember many instances when I wanted to be the mom, whether that was when we played house or when I proudly called myself the mom of my friend group. I used to equate that to a natural proclivity toward being a parent. Now, looking at it through a clearer lens, I realize that it wasn’t being a mom I was striving toward. It was being in charge and the leader. I wanted to be the decision-maker in my life, and I equated that with being a mom.

I don’t think my adolescent brain really understood the difference between wanting to be my mom and wanting to be a mom.

there is nothing rude about standing up for yourself.