Running Close to the Wind

by Alexandra Rowland

“I thought you’d like it. I thought it would help your reputation. Should I have not mentioned your box of spooky dildos? Won’t do it again. Honest, Tev.”

“This man’s skull is empty like a new bucket,” she had said, pointing right at him. “Write this down: He does not have a single thought in that pretty little head. There is nothing going on in there.”

“Do you want the big hard words explanation or the teeny little words explanation?” “Teeny little ones. I don’t like having too many things in my brain. I like it to be really tidy in there, like a nearly empty white room.”

“I’m very politely ignoring the furious muttering happening behind me,” said Julian. “I can’t make out what you’re saying, but I can hear Avra hyperventilating, so I assume I’m being objectified.” “No, we’re only being so brave and strong and ethical,” Avra said aloud. “I’m actually so proud of us.”

“Oh, no, no, it’s not that, it’s just that Julian took his eyes off me for two seconds and I swallowed a handful of pennies, so we’re trying to make me throw up and we thought the sight of your cake might help. That’s the only reason. That and morbid curiosity.”