The Rom-Commers

by Katherine Center

You had to maximize joy when it fluttered into your life. You had to honor it. And savor it. And not stomp it to death by reminding everyone of everything you’d lost.

I had a theory that we gravitate toward the stories we need in life. Whatever we’re longing for—adventure, excitement, emotion, connection—we turn to stories that help us find it. Whatever questions we’re struggling with—sometimes questions so deep, we don’t even really know we’re asking them—we look for answers in stories.

Bearing witness to the suffering of others? I don’t know if there’s anything kinder than that. And kindness is a form of emotional courage. And I’m not sure if this is common knowledge, but emotional courage is its own reward.

“But now you’re dying,” I said, gesturing at the valley below with my eyes. “And another woman in your life”—I pointed at myself—“is not going anywhere.” I lifted my eyebrows, like How ’bout that? Like by breaking the pattern, I’d fixed him. But then Charlie said, “Only because you can’t get out.” “You don’t know that.” I gave Charlie a minute to process. This had been a very productive near-death experience so far.

“This is ridiculous,” Sylvie said at last. “Just go ask him.” “Ask him?!” I gasped in horror. “I will never ask him!” “You don’t want to know?” “I desperately want to know,” I said. “But I will just privately obsess over it, like a normal person.”

Yes, I detested him. But I was still glad he was alive. Maybe “glad” was a bit strong. I broadly supported the concept of him continuing to exist.

“Whatever story you tell yourself about your life, that’s the one that’ll be true.”

Humanity at its worst is an easy story to tell—but it’s not the only story. Because the more we can imagine our better selves, the more we can become them.”

Tragedy is a given. There is no version of human life that doesn’t involve reams of it. The question is what we do in the face of it all.

“Choose a good, imperfect person who leaves the cap off the toothpaste, and puts the toilet paper roll on upside down, and loads the dishwasher like a ferret on steroids—and then appreciate the hell out of that person. Train yourself to see their best, most delightful, most charming qualities. Focus on everything they’re getting right. Be grateful—all the time—and laugh the rest off.”

“There it is. The whole trick to life. Be aggressively, loudly, unapologetically grateful.”

It’s all about the details you notice. And the joys you savor. And the hope you refuse to give up on. It’s all about writing the very best story of your life. Not just how you live it—but how you choose to tell it.