The Rom-Commers

by Katherine Center

I fell in love all the time. Just … nobody fell in love with me back. Fiction really kind of was all I had in the romance department. But that wasn’t a weakness. That was a strength.

I had a theory that we gravitate toward the stories we need in life. Whatever we’re longing for—adventure, excitement, emotion, connection—we turn to stories that help us find it. Whatever questions we’re struggling with—sometimes questions so deep, we don’t even really know we’re asking them—we look for answers in stories.

Bearing witness to the suffering of others? I don’t know if there’s anything kinder than that. And kindness is a form of emotional courage. And I’m not sure if this is common knowledge, but emotional courage is its own reward.

“Whatever story you tell yourself about your life, that’s the one that’ll be true.”

If you wait for other people to light you up, then I guess you’re at the mercy of darkness.

Tragedy is a given. There is no version of human life that doesn’t involve reams of it. The question is what we do in the face of it all.

“There it is. The whole trick to life. Be aggressively, loudly, unapologetically grateful.”

That’s just life. Tragedy really is a given. There are endless human stories, but they all end the same way. So it can’t be where you’re going that matters. It has to be how you get there. That’s what I’ve decided. It’s all about the details you notice. And the joys you savor. And the hope you refuse to give up on. It’s all about writing the very best story of your life. Not just how you live it—but how you choose to tell it.

For a long time, I maintained that romance novels were no worse than any other kind of novel: no more ridiculous than wars in the stars, no more unrealistic than superheroes in bodysuits, no more nerdy than wizards in the forest, no more impossible than a zombie apocalypse. But now I’m changing my mind. Maybe it’s not just that love stories aren’t any worse than other kinds of stories . . . Maybe they’re better. Maybe love is more valuable than we think. Maybe stories that help us see our best possibilities are exactly what this bedraggled world needs. Because love stories let us witness infinite ways that characters master pro-social behaviors.

When we read love stories, we get to see kindness in action. And human compassion. And connection made visible. And people choosing to be the best versions of themselves in the face of it all. Love stories show us people getting better at love—in real time.

The stories we need call to us from deep places in our psyches, and we find them with our hearts more than our heads. Your inner compass will guide you to the particular stories that you need to hear.