The Rom-Commers

by Katherine Center

You had to maximize joy when it fluttered into your life. You had to honor it. And savor it. And not stomp it to death by reminding everyone of everything you’d lost.

I had a theory that we gravitate toward the stories we need in life. Whatever we’re longing for—adventure, excitement, emotion, connection—we turn to stories that help us find it. Whatever questions we’re struggling with—sometimes questions so deep, we don’t even really know we’re asking them—we look for answers in stories.

Bearing witness to the suffering of others? I don’t know if there’s anything kinder than that. And kindness is a form of emotional courage. And I’m not sure if this is common knowledge, but emotional courage is its own reward.

bad thing you’re worried about is never the bad thing that happens.” I took that in.

You don’t get everything you want! You get a few tiny, broken pieces of what you thought you wanted and you tell yourself over and over it’s more than enough!”

“I decided that if I just held on, things would get better. I wasn’t sure how much better, but better. And when you’ve seen worse, better is good enough.”

happiness is always better with a little bit of sadness.”

If you wait for other people to light you up, then I guess you’re at the mercy of darkness.

the more we can imagine our better selves, the more we can become them.”

I had no idea where we’d go from here, or how we’d manage it all, or where the future would take us. But it was okay. We don’t get to know the whole story all at once. And where we’re headed matters so much less than how we get there.

“and they built a life together, and looked after each other, and made the absolute best of their lives.”

I don’t think marriage is hard. I think, in fact, if you do it right, marriage is the thing that makes everything else easier.”

Because love is something you can learn. Love is something you can practice. It’s something you can choose to get good at. And here’s how you do it.”

“Appreciate your person.”

“Choose a good, imperfect person who leaves the cap off the toothpaste, and puts the toilet paper roll on upside down, and loads the dishwasher like a ferret on steroids—and then appreciate the hell out of that person. Train yourself to see their best, most delightful, most charming qualities. Focus on everything they’re getting right. Be grateful—all the time—and laugh the rest off.”

The whole trick to life. Be aggressively, loudly, unapologetically grateful.”

So it can’t be where you’re going that matters. It has to be how you get there.

It’s all about the details you notice. And the joys you savor. And the hope you refuse to give up on. It’s all about writing the very best story of your life. Not just how you live it—but how you choose to tell it.

Maybe love is more valuable than we think. Maybe stories that help us see our best possibilities are exactly what this bedraggled world needs.

over the course of the story, they master the many arts of listening, and connecting, and nurturing, and caretaking, and trusting, and appreciating, and savoring, and sharing, and empathizing. They have to overcome their prejudices, learn to apologize, forgive each other, and sacrifice. When we read love stories, we get to see kindness in action. And human compassion. And connection made visible. And people choosing to be the best versions of themselves in the face of it all.

Love stories show us people getting better at love—in real time.

Let’s spread out a picnic blanket, and eat cupcakes, and drink something fizzy. Let’s let the sun warm our skin, and the wind ruffle our hair. Let’s immerse ourselves in hope, and joy, and goodness—and just read and read and read.