The Rom-Commers

by Katherine Center

You had to maximize joy when it fluttered into your life. You had to honor it. And savor it.

I had a theory that we gravitate toward the stories we need in life. Whatever we’re longing for—adventure, excitement, emotion, connection—we turn to stories that help us find it. Whatever questions we’re struggling with—sometimes questions so deep, we don’t even really know we’re asking them—we look for answers in stories.

Love stories had lifted me up, delighted me, and educated me on the power of human kindness for years.

Bearing witness to the suffering of others? I don’t know if there’s anything kinder than that. And kindness is a form of emotional courage. And I’m not sure if this is common knowledge, but emotional courage is its own reward.

“Believing in things that aren’t real? Making something out of nothing? Connecting dots that don’t need or want to be connected? That’s what all the best writers do.”

being dismissed is worse than being scorned.

There’s a joke that writers “don’t like to write—they like having written,”

Would you rather cancel hope altogether than risk the possibility of being disappointed?”

Stories exist for the emotions they create—and you can’t write them if you can’t feel them.

The most vital thing you can learn to do is tell your own story”—was

Holding out hope for too long was one thing. Giving up too soon was quite another.

There’s something about a kiss that brings all the opposites together. The wanting and the getting. The longing and the having. All those cacophonous emotions that usually collide against one another teaming up at last into a rare and exquisite harmony.

There is absolutely no way to predict the infinite random forces in the world any of our choices will expose us to. How paralyzing would it be to even try?”

Whatever story you tell yourself about your life, that’s the one that’ll be true.”

happiness is always better with a little bit of sadness.”

If you wait for other people to light you up, then I guess you’re at the mercy of darkness.

Humanity at its worst is an easy story to tell—but it’s not the only story. Because the more we can imagine our better selves, the more we can become them.”

And now I can’t even remember why I’m up on this stage. Or what I was talking about. Was it about how we should tell ourselves better stories about who we are? About how we shouldn’t rob ourselves of hope and possibility? About how light matters just as much as darkness—maybe more?

We don’t get to know the whole story all at once. And where we’re headed matters so much less than how we get there.

I don’t think marriage is hard. I think, in fact, if you do it right, marriage is the thing that makes everything else easier.”

Well, you’re lucky. Because love is something you can learn. Love is something you can practice. It’s something you can choose to get good at. And here’s how you do it.” He let go of his walker to signal he meant business: “Appreciate your person.”

“Choose a good, imperfect person who leaves the cap off the toothpaste, and puts the toilet paper roll on upside down, and loads the dishwasher like a ferret on steroids—and then appreciate the hell out of that person. Train yourself to see their best, most delightful, most charming qualities. Focus on everything they’re getting right. Be grateful—all the time—and laugh the rest off.”

There it is. The whole trick to life. Be aggressively, loudly, unapologetically grateful.”

That’s just life. Tragedy really is a given. There are endless human stories, but they all end the same way. So it can’t be where you’re going that matters. It has to be how you get there. That’s what I’ve decided. It’s all about the details you notice. And the joys you savor. And the hope you refuse to give up on. It’s all about writing the very best story of your life. Not just how you live it—but how you choose to tell it.

Because love stories let us witness infinite ways that characters master pro-social behaviors.

When we read love stories, we get to see kindness in action. And human compassion. And connection made visible. And people choosing to be the best versions of themselves in the face of it all. Love stories show us people getting better at love—in real time.

Let’s immerse ourselves in hope, and joy, and goodness—and just read and read and read.