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Attempting to reduce the stress that was building and grab ahold of the situation at hand I began envisioning the life I was planning for instead of the suffering I would endure beforehand.
“When I said buy yourself something nice, I meant that. Don’t disobey me, Mommas. I hate that shit. If you need your rent paid, use that one.”
“You with me, Mommas. There’s no safer, better place to be. I’ll stand on that, any time, any place.”
My body shut down completely in his presence. Safety, survival, and security weren’t on my priority list in his presence. Not even my brain functioned properly with him near. However, that was a compliment I wasn’t quite prepared to share.
“No fear. It means no fear. If you want to stalk a nigga with those pretty ass eyes and that pretty ass face, then stand on that shit. Ain’t no need to be shy because when it’s my turn to stalk you, ain’t shit gon’ stop me.”
“I’d apologize, but I’m far from sorry. My choice of words and how they’re taken don’t always reflect my intentions or my temperament.”
I loved him from the moment I saw his face. And my love happens to be unconditional. I’m not afraid of crashing for the right reason. He’s the right reason. I’ll crash a hundred times if he’s my end result.”
His spirit was alluring. His personality was captivating. His smile was charming. His wittiness was seductive. His spontaneity
“What’s the point of settling when you know there’s someone out there that checks every one of your boxes?”
Security was the feeling I was searching for and the feeling I found easily in his embrace.
“I have two eyes, Kiwi. I know exactly where we are. It doesn’t matter. Wherever we are and Mommas is feeling blue, that’s where the fuck we’ll be until she’s warm again.”
You’re getting yourself upset for nothing, G. Shit is solid. I’m locked in. We’re locked in. Ain’t shit changing between us.
“Communication is what will make this shit work. You’re not a fool for feeling how you feel or needing to make sure you’re not alone with those feelings. We all seek validation in some area of our lives. Most motherfuckers just won’t admit it. You telling me the shit you have going on in your head is validating me, letting me know that this shit is as real as I think it is… as real as I want to it be… as real as I need it to be.”
“I don’t fight, Makai. I never will. I don’t have a toxic bone in my body. I only fill my life with healthy relationships, no matter if it’s friendships or partnerships. I don’t argue. I don’t fuss. That’s not me. If that’s what you’re trying to get from me or expecting at all, then I’m not her. I’m not the woman for you.
“Communication is my only weapon. It’s all I’ll ever use to progress in situations. You’re upset, but you’re not communicating with me. I can’t win here. You can’t win here. So, what’s the point?”
“Weird as this shit sounds, she ain’t. She’s like a fucking lava lamp or some shit. A nigga look at her pretty ass and all the stress, frustration, whatever… it all disappears. It’s been a hell of a week for me. I need her to tame the storm brewing inside me. Real shit, she ain’t even got to use that thunder between her thighs to do it. I just need her around right now.”
“I’m whatever I need to be to keep her happy. That’s my whole chest right there. Fuck a heart.”
Perfection didn’t exist, but the thing we were building was the closest to it. Not because disagreements didn’t arise, but because we handled them head—on instead of letting things fester and create larger problems.
He was a natural. Though he’d never been in love before, he’d been loved and he’d been loved properly. It made all the difference.
As tough as his edges were, his core was as fragile.
When you step outside of that door, your heart shrivels again. But when you’re with me, it expands and it beats and it desires and it yearns and it—” “Loves.”
You make a nigga feel real fucking good these days, G. Purposeful. Ya know? Give me something to look forward to every damn day. I be out in the streets, ready to skip and bob my head to some fucking love song as I make my way back to you.
“I’m pressing niggas to hurry the fuck up so that I can get home to see you off to work. And the nights you’re off, a motherfucker better not even call my phone about business. All because I’m digging the way you make me feel and the way I feel about you.
“If you felt that little pussy between your legs, you wouldn’t keep track, either. I’m ’bout ready to empty my pockets right now, lint and all. You can have it, Kiwi.”
Spoiling Makai mentally and catering to his emotional desires was such a privilege that I was fully invested in. He was the biggest, bravest bear that simply needed someone to stroke the gentle parts of him that were hidden from the rest of the world.
“It doesn’t stop with them. They just find ways to get better, do better, love better, listen better… all the things. They are obsessed with progression. Not only in life but in love as well. That’s why I’m never coming up off my nigga.”
“That’s the advantage of marrying a Domino. They make sure that hard work doesn’t truly exist in your world if they can help it.”
She sucked dick like it was the last piece of meat in her possession as the world came to a screeching halt and humanity as we knew it ended. She worked her pussy like she was trying to trap a nigga and have him sign papers on that motherfucker. She cooked like she was trying to light the path to my heart. She cleaned like a mental patient who was obsessed with cleanliness or a pure germaphobe.
“Never feel threatened by a nigga in my presence. I will kill everything breathing in this bitch about you. Don’t ever get that twisted. For you, I will clear a whole town. For you, I will lay shit down. For you, I will wage war. For you, G, hell ain’t even the limit. Fix your face, that’s your past. I’m your future.”
Knowing that there was so much on the top of his brain that he wanted to share while I was away warmed me to the core.
Head high, chest out in every room you walk in, no matter who is in that motherfucker.”
Glacier was easily my addiction. Ridding the world of anything that brought her discomfort was my duty. In every area of her life, I wanted her happy, healthy, and at peace. Nothing else mattered to me when she was involved. Her love overruled every aspect of my life. Not even money could fuck with Mommas. I had enough of that shit already. I hadn’t had enough of her yet.
Though contact was inconsistent, I never once felt his love waver. When I had a moment to talk to him, I could hear it in his tone and the words he shared with me.
Unfinished business was unacceptable and the catalyst for so many avoidable issues.
