The Promise of Tomorrow

by Mary Ellen Taylor

You’ll need it to keep going forward. Backwards is for the lost.”

I’d developed an obsession with the sun because in the ruins of my life, its cycle reminded me that this very consistent earth would keep turning in space despite the unexplainable chaos on the surface.

I was still alive. I was not lost. Tomorrow was another day. A miracle.

Don’t stop asking questions.”

Washer, dryer, and bed. The trifecta.

You had me at washer and dryer,”

if the last year had taught me anything, it was to enjoy the good moments because they could be very rare.

#EVERYDAY

People came and went, time marched on, and the earth kept turning. All my worldly problems that I’d mentally etched in stone felt like a spectacular waste of time.

and a mother who’d never panicked or cried when life served her a plate of shit.

“Fighting clears the air, keeps the men on their toes, and leaves room for the very juicy lovemaking afterward.”

“Now, tell me, what is your dream destination? What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?”

“Just decide that whatever you do is all yours. Don’t share anyone else’s dream.”

What I discovered was that grief could be tricky. It was mobile and could track me for thousands of miles. The faster I drove, the quicker my grief moved. Each time I thought I’d lost it around the last curve in the road, I found it in the passenger seat, weeping. No matter how many days or months I logged on the road, it kept pace.

Service station bathrooms confirm these 3 sacred truths . . . • If the exterior looks bad, so will the inside. • The cleanest stalls are on the ends (generally). • Lasting lessons are written in Sharpie. Scribbled on an Anonymous Arizona Stall: Time makes room for going and coming home and in time’s womb begins all endings. Ursula K. Le Guin

“No matter how fast you run, you can’t go around a broken heart.”

“The big takeaway is that peace is a journey, not a destination, or so I was told. It’s like a butterfly that flits in and out of our lives. Some energies attract the butterfly, and others chase it away. The trick is to notice when those fluttering wings appear because the butterfly never lingers very long.”

“Don’t roll over. Make life your bitch,

Everyday.

“Money talks. Wealth whispers.”

“Take the moments when they appear,”

“Seems like time won’t end. And then suddenly there’s none.”

“Denial. I know the river well. I sailed it plenty of times when my mother was first diagnosed. Your first stop on this journey will be Bargaining. Next there’s Anger. And finally, there’s Acceptance. It’s a real shitty trip. And I’m sorry you’re taking it.”

And then the cat videos. They always get me.”

“Life is a series of one-in-a-millions.” “How many do you think we’ll see in a lifetime?” I felt my shoulders loosen. “Depends. If it’s the good kind, I’ll take as many as I can get. The bad kind, well, I’ve reached my quota.”

“I am more comfortable with anger than fear. The anger permits moral outrage, and I can get a lot of work done when I’m juicing on fury. But fear is a different beast. It consumes and paralyzes me.”

Grief moves at its own pace, and sometimes it loops around and revisits its previous stops.”

“I don’t believe in coincidence. Signs appear for a reason. It’s up to us to see or ignore them.”

But I need to find meaning in the chaos.”

If anyone was going to save me, it was going to be me.

Scraps and leftovers will keep you alive. And sometimes they taste good. But in the long run, no one thrives on the unwanted.

“Death simplifies everything. You will or you won’t.”

Letting go is hard . . . Traveling is magic, but magic runs out, if it’s not refreshed from time to time. I’ve never found the refresh button.

One door closes and then it opens another, leaving space for more joy or tragedy.”

Dreams come true, second chances, and other lies.

“I’ve traveled through the valley of illness and loss. I’m no tourist. And I still insist that borrowing trouble is pointless.”