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I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’m actually going through an intensive sugar coma.
Niko is me
She kisses him and he wraps a hand around her neck to kiss her back, but it’s awkward and unsure at best. The piece of fucking shit doesn’t seem to notice that as she unbuttons his shirt. “I’ll make you feel like you’re better than him, and one day, I’ll make you his god.”
THIS BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Shh, hon. I promise you’ll enjoy it.” She jerks him a few more times. “See, you’re hard already.” “Grace…” He gulps, red blotching his entire body. “I don’t think I like sex…please stop…” “Nonsense, honey. Everyone likes sex.” She strokes his hair and then whispers, “You don’t want to be seen as a freak compared to your brother, do you, Bran? Your mum and dad would be so disappointed.”
Kill HER NOW
That’s why I didn’t want him to see me. I didn’t want anyone to see me. Because the moment they get past the perfect image to look inside, they’ll find a grimy, spineless piece of fucking shit whose worst enemy is his own mind.
Bran babe it isnt even your fault!!! My heart is BROKEN
Two, she was grooming me at the time. She said the right things, pushed the right buttons, and used my love for art and my parents to shove me right where she wanted me.
STABBING
Since then, I’ve been submerged in the dot of ink on my hand that I looked at the entire time she fucked herself on me. While I screamed and begged her to stop. Like a fucking weakling.
Im gonna lose it
The reason I cut my left hand is because it’s the hand I wrapped around her nape when I kissed her that day. When I gave her the opening to violate me thoroughly.
NO YOU DIDNT shes a monster
As for Grace, I handled her soon after. She made the mistake of sending me the footage of what happened with the caption: Study this and you’ll let your raw talent loose.
Xjkh uvlluvxxvzzvvsssj ss sc BITCH
Grace was appalled. She thought we were in it together and that I liked her. She even told me that she felt like I’d used her. I used her. Me.
FUCK YOU
So I swallowed the knife with its blood and pretended everything would be fine. I did encourage her. I did kiss her back. I did feel drunk on the sense of power she offered me. A man can’t be raped by a woman.
The sound that just escaped me
“Please don’t go, baby, please…don’t leave me…please…stay with me…stay with me…you have to stay with me…” His lips are all over my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, my mouth.
I cant even see
I’m sorry. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but no sound comes out. My hand falls as the ink swallows me whole. It’s finally over.
I am devastated
So I focus on Landon’s rage. Landon’s rage speaks to mine.
AND MINE
Landon is the one who strolls in, both hands in his pockets as he whistles. “Going somewhere, Grace?”
Youre fucked now bitch
After she’s done signing it per my order, she releases a choppy breath as if she’s run a marathon. Landon reads her letter and then puts it in front of her again. “Ask him for forgiveness. Ask Mum for forgiveness for breaking her trust. Write about how you know nothing you can say can forgive what you’ve done, but you’ve been tortured for years and have never forgiven yourself for it.”
Oh....
I bring out my knife first and slash her wrist so deep, blood explodes onto my face. “That’s for every drop of blood he shed over the years, for every time he looked in the mirror and hated his reflection because of you.” Landon cuts her other wrist. “This is for putting your hands on him and driving him to the fucking edge. You better wait for me in hell, bitch. I’ll fucking murder you all over again.”
Oh fuck
I smile, too, viciously, as I slam my palm against her mouth, just like she did when Bran begged her to stop.
I mean...deserved
“Son?” Dad is on my other side. “You came back, oh, thank fuck.” He reaches above my head to push something. Failure. That’s what Dad looks like. He feels a sense of failure. Like I did for almost a decade.
Crying again
But I don’t spot a large tattooed man.
Oh he will be back
I pull away from Mum’s embrace and suck in a sharp breath. “Mum, Dad. I have something to tell you.” “Anything, son.” “I think I need help. Please help me get better.”
My baby
My brother stops at the door. “One more thing.” “Yeah?” “Please tell me you top the motherfucker.” I let my lips curve into a smile as I shake my head. Lan’s face falls and he looks like he’s on the verge of a heart attack. “Bloody fucking hell!” He throws the door open and then shouts, “Nikolai, you fucking wank, come here.”
Lmao!!
“Does that mean you’re mine now?” “I think I always have been.” “Thank you for coming back to me, baby.” “Thank you for never giving up on me, Niko.”
“You know you’re aching for it. Bran Jr. demands a meeting with Kolya.” I laugh. “You seriously need to stop giving names to dicks.”
I cant
He never really hated him, but after he saved me during that black day, Dad gained an immense sense of respect for my man.
HIS MAN
“You’re the most beautiful thing on earth,” he whispers against my neck, peppering kisses there as he meets my gaze in the mirror. “I’m lucky you allowed me in your life.” Kiss. “I’m lucky you love me.” Kiss. “I’m lucky you’re letting me fight your demons with you.”
Pain
“Remember when you told me to tell you something in Russian?” “You said I was cute.” “No. I said ‘I can’t live without you,’ and we take that quite literally in Russia.” “Aw, Nikolai.” “Point is, I love the loving fuck out of you, baby.” “I love the loving fuck out of you, too.”
Zqueeeee
I continue laughing even as I look in the mirror. Because for the first time, I don’t see a lonely boy there. I don’t even see the healing twenty-four-year-old version of me. For the first time, I don’t see the past or the present. I see my future with the most infuriating enigma. The most chaotic person on earth. And the love of my fucking life.
Ahhhh
It’s the one painting he couldn’t finish all those years ago. The one where I’m standing and he’s leaning against my shoulder. He finally managed to draw his own face, and this time, he’s fucking smiling. Never giving that painting up. Will probably have to put a request in my will to bury it with me so that when I meet Satan, I can tell him all about my lotus flower.
Scream!!
“You did such an awesome job. Man. Now, I don’t know which one I want on my lock screen. What do you think…?” I trail off when I face my lotus flower and he’s on one fucking knee. What the…? “That scene was our beginning, as unglamorous as it was. No matter how scared I was of you and everything you presented, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re the purest, most passionate soul I’ve ever met. You loved me when I didn’t even like myself. You held me together when I was falling apart and helped me put myself back together one piece at a time until I became the man I am today.” He reaches
...more
Ahhhhhhvbh SCREAMING
I love this man with everything I have and don’t have. I love him with my sane and insane parts. He’s my lotus flower. My Prince Charming. The love of my life. Mine.
My loves!!
