But I guess I’ll have to cope for Nikolai. I’m terrified that once he cracks me open, he’ll find me revolting. He’ll see me as I see myself in the mirror—as a black hole of nothingness. I want to run and hide, but that means losing him. So I stay. It’s the least I can do. Better pray he doesn’t finally see you for the basket case you truly are.
God this hurts
