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I’ve just never been good with choices. Don’t appreciate them. Don’t care for them. Would rather not be presented with one.
“Bossy. I like it. But you know what I like more? Your posh little accent. Question. Does it sound the same when you say crude things?”
“Anyone ever tell you how fucking hot you feel when struggling for control? I could swallow you alive and leave no crumbs.”
Kolya Jr. has been an adventurous whore since he got his first boner at the fresh age of five.
I wonder where Brandon King falls. Not that I’m tempted to find out. That would be crazy. * * * Just kidding. I am crazy.
Who the fuck are you, Clara, and what’s your favorite way to die?
Anyway, I don’t care, because I’m chilling. In the pool, floating face down. Living my best life. I can fall asleep here. Sweet. Though I’d probably die, and that’s not exactly convenient.
“Heard Kill nearly got killed. See what I did there? Also, whose head do I have to cut from their body, rip the flesh from, and hang on a stick—”
“Shush, Jer. I’m concentrating.” “You wouldn’t do that even if you were paid.” “I would, too,” I say, and he raises a brow. “Fine, I wouldn’t. This is different.” “How different, because I’m about to punch some Karens.” “Different enough that even I won’t punch anyone.”
“Why do you want me, Nikolai?” I ask instead of answering his question. “We’re nothing alike—I’m too proper for your liking. You’re too violent for my preferences. So why are you this obsessed with me?” “Do I need a reason?” “Of course you do.” “That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t need a reason to want you, lotus flower.
“Don’t…” I slam a hand to his mouth and he kisses my palm, then licks my fingers, thrusting his tongue between them. I jerk my arm away. “Why the hell would you lick me? Are you a dog?”
“Woof.” He grins and I can’t even muster the emotions to be mad at him. Bloody wanker is mental. “Is there a way I can get rid of you?” I ask, my shoulders hunching. “If I die, maybe. Scratch that, I’ll haunt the fuck out of you until you join me, my Prince Charming. Then we can have a fuck fest in ghost land.” “You need help.” “Then help me, baby.”
“Don’t run away from me again. If you do, I’ll flip the world upside down to find you. You’re mine now, baby.”
“The girl who was throwing herself in your arms at my fucking fight.” “A-Ava?” “Ava. Her name would look fucking pretty on a gravestone.” “What the…”
Bran By the way, I noticed you had no food in your place, so I ordered you some Italian pastries for breakfast. I grin. He loves me. I just know he does. Okay, he doesn’t, but he cares, and that’s a good start.
No shit—they actually knocked on the Serpents’ door and were like, “Hi, I know we hate each other, but have you seen this massive idiot motherfucker who’s covered in tattoos?”
Sometimes I forget they’re actually identical, because they have vastly different personalities. Guess that’s also the reason why I can’t fucking stand Landon but would fuck his brother to eternity all day, every day. My dick twitches to life and I curse internally. Seriously, Kolya. The fuck? My baby sisters are here. Behave yourself, dude.
“I fucking hate you.” “Mmm. Talk dirty to me.”
Why would he be happy with me when I can’t stand myself most of the time?
“The more mindless, the better. I’m a simple man. I see good violence, I rate it five out of five.”
“Let’s start a fucking war!” That’s what I shouted this morning, to which everyone rolled their eyes as if I was being unreasonable,
excuses about cleaning up and cooking or finishing the late-night murder mystery, but I know it’s because he loves me and wants to be with me more. Okay, he doesn’t exactly love me. But I’m totally growing on him.
“Good. Because I missed your beautiful little face when it’s stuffed with my cock.”
“That’s it. Good boy.” “I’m not a boy. I’m older than you.” “Age is a number, and you’re definitely my good boy, baby.”
“Stop talking and fuck me.” “Mmm. Talk dirty to me.” “I need your cock inside me.” “More.” “I want you to pound me until I’m screaming.” “Fucking more.”
“No, it’s not. And stop that. Are you a dog?” “Woof.” He grabs my cheeks with wet fingers. “Let me lick your face.”
“You were going to tell me if sleeping in strange positions has to do with a certain incident.” “Oh! Sorry, I got distracted by how fucking hot you look with your hair messy.”
Well, I’m open, I guess, but that was in the past. I’m no longer a manwhore, I swear on Kolya’s honor.” I fist his hair tighter. “Who the hell is Kolya?” “Hi, lotus flower.” He rubs his erection against mine. “My name is
Kolya and I’m obsessed with your huge cock and beautiful ass.”
“What’s your name, motherfucker, and what’s your favorite way to die?”
Want me, Jer, and Kill to add him to the MIA list?”
Kill and I will maim the fucker.”
“Want me to continue my lesson about butt stuff?”
Fuck me. I can’t believe I slept for so long and missed the chance to see my Bran. I demand a redo, now and fucking thank you.
“Tell me something in Russian.” I cup his chin and stare deep into those eyes that have become my undoing as I say the words Grandpa said Russians take seriously and literally. “Ya nee ma goo bees tee byah zhit.”
Three weeks pass by in bliss. And by bliss, I mean the most erotic, beautiful fuck fest. Just kidding. I love the fucking, I really, really do. Ask Kolya and he’ll be giving a standing ovation.
I’m wearing him down and he’s totally falling for me. Okay, I’m being delusional again. While he doesn’t actually love me, he cares.
Did you know there are like so MANY Greek Gods? Bran Is that so? Yeah. How am I supposed to keep up? Why are there so many? How dare they? Right? Speak some sense into them, especially that dick Zeus. He needs to stop having so many children and raping women left and right. Father of gods, my ass. I’ll have a very stern conversation with him.
Do you really think of me as him? I’m wounded. My sincerest apologies. It was bad form to even make that comparison. You’re going to have to repeat that apology with your lips wrapped around Kolya. You know, since he’s sulking and shit. You could’ve said you wanted me to suck your cock instead of starting a whole drama. No, no, it’s not about that. Kolya is REALLY hurt. I’ll make it up to you. Now?
seriously can’t with you. Is that a yes? See you in an hour. I jump down through the ropes after I’ve pummeled someone to near death,
Where are you, Niko? Jeremy He’s busy. Let him be. Gareth Niko busy? And you’re not there to keep him in check? Jeremy Let’s say he doesn’t need my services with his recent endeavors. Killian It’s the ED situation, isn’t it? Gareth Kill, the fuck? He’ll just flood the group chat with dick pics.
Kolya says hi, motherfuckers. I send one just to fuck with them.
“You and Uncle Aiden left Grandpa, too.” “That’s different. Your grandpa is a bloody dictator and a ruthless autocrat. He couldn’t wait for us to sod off so he could crack on with his plan to conquer the world.” “The same grandpa who worships at Nan’s feet and treats Glyn like a spoiled princess?” “That one, yes. Your nan tamed him. Before her, he was an insufferable prick and was often cross with us. We clashed all the damn time.”
“Oh.” I continue stirring, breathing in the smell of aromatic basil and oregano. “Oh! Is that why you were strict with him at one point?” “It was like watching myself and seeing the image from Uncle’s point of view. Not a pleasant feeling.”
“Dad? Are you…okay with it?” “Your sexuality? Naturally. This guy, however, I’m not sure yet. What’s his name? Age? Parents’ names?” “Uh…so…remember Killian?” His lips part. “Please don’t tell me you’re with your sister’s boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend?” “What? No. Of course not, Dad.” “Ew, Levi.” Mum smacks his hand. “Fine, okay.” He releases a breath. “It can’t be worse than that.” “He’s his cousin.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Dad’s face literally pales and I kind of feel bad for him. He’s been dealing with Lan his whole life, then he had Kill, who’s also a diagnosed psychopath, and I don’t think he’s even processed that. “Please tell me he’s the levelheaded cousin who keeps him in check.” “To be honest, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Killian is definitely the one who keeps Nikolai in check.” “Fuck my life.” He exhales. “Astrid, Princess. I think I’m having a heart attack.”
He can’t possibly be worse than Killian. Anyone is better than Killian. It was an exaggeration on Bran’s part to emotionally prepare me. Again, no one can be worse than Killian. Those were the thoughts I had before I went to bed last night, and
I woke up today in a proper fantastic mood. Until now. Or, more accurately, since I walked into the kitchen and saw the motherfucking gangster who’s built like a fucking wall, standing beside my son. I knew it was the little fucker Nikolai before Bran even introduced him. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out when Bran’s lips were all swollen and the bastard’s long hair was finger-raked. Dear fucking God, I know you’re out there somewhere and I beg you, take this arsehole and give my son a normal lover. Just once, I want fucking normal. First I get a psycho son. Okay, fine. Love that. Best
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my life and pretty sure I passed it. I didn’t need to have my daughter with a psycho boyfriend. And now, it’s the psycho’s psycho fucking cousin. What the fuck have I done to deserve that? Was I a mass murderer in a past life or something? “Levi!” My wife pulls on my shirt’s sleeve from her position on the table ...
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“We can lock the door. I really can’t keep my hands off you, baby. You drive me fucking crazy. Besides, Kolya hates me and has been acting like a literal dick ever since I deprived him of you.”