God of Fury (Legacy of Gods, #5)

by Rina Kent

“Does it hurt?” he asks with a note of concern that he obviously doesn’t have for himself.

“Don’t, Nikolai. Don’t!” He speaks in a tone I’ve never heard before, all broken and full of panic before he whispers, “Please, I beg you, don’t see that part of me…” I keep my eyes on his lost ones as I tug the watch free, sending it flying across the floor.

All my anger disappears. On its behalf, a loathsome feeling rips through me like wildfire. Fucking fear.

“Because I’m fucked up.” His voice sounds like death’s lullaby, anguished and shattered. “Because I look at myself in the mirror and get the urge to shatter it to pieces. Because I’ve been haunted by the bitter taste of nausea and self-loathing for so long, I don’t know how to live without them. I was doing fine, pretending and putting on a façade, so why the fuck did you ruin that? Why did you come into my life and destroy every wall I built and ruin every lie I told myself? Why do you touch me like I’m beautiful? Why don’t you hate me when I can’t stand my-fucking-self?”

“Please…” His voice is muffled. “Please let me hold you like this. It doesn’t hurt when you touch me.” I grab onto him, pressing him further into me, harder, closer, until I’m not sure where I end and he begins.

Seems that Bran runs way deeper than I thought, but as he hangs on to me as if I’m his only anchor, I know that I’ll never let him go. Not even if I burn with him. For him. In him. I’d willingly catch fire if he so much as asked me to.

The thought that he’d leave triggered a panic so deep, I was hyperventilating.

If anything, he held me tighter and kissed my eyelids, my nose, my cheek, the top of my head—anywhere he could reach.

What if he really is done with me this time? What if he finally gave up after seeing that ugly side of me?

My heart thuds against my rib cage and I have to remind myself to breathe. Jesus. How desperate could I be to get so flustered at the mere mention of his name?

No. I do. It was when Nikolai hugged me to sleep. I was okay that night.

“Don’t compare him to Clara. I couldn’t care less about her.” I’m losing myself because of him.

Lan never mentioned that. But then again, he never tells me anything. And what do you tell him? You locked him out a long time ago.

It’s not really about coming out. It’s about everything else I have to admit when I come out. The reason why I didn’t want to believe how so not normal I am.

“You were never attracted to anyone, no matter how hot they were. You looked at animals with more affection than you looked at your girlfriends.”

They didn’t use me. I used them.

“Maybe that’s why it worked. Besides, he didn’t really leave me much of a choice. He invaded my life and wasn’t budging no matter how much I pushed him away…well, that is, until now.”

“Not if it means I could lose him. I think I hurt him whenever I do that, because he believes I’m ashamed of him.”

No, it’s not them I was scared of. It’s me. It’s always my-fucking-self.

I’m my own worst enemy.

I really don’t like it when Killian hits him. I know it’s their dynamic and they’ve been like that their entire lives, but he needs to stop putting his fucking hands on him or I’ll break them.

I’ve always found him beautiful. No, not only beautiful. He’s categorically hot. It just took me some time to realize that I was becoming hopelessly attracted to everything about him.

Is this how he felt every time I pretended not to see him in public? Because it’s no different than having a fucking knife lodged between my ribs.

The blow is so powerful that Bran falls back against his brother and Landon grabs him, then dabs at the blood at his lip. I don’t resist when hands pull me back. I don’t even know whose they are as I stare at the blood gushing out of Bran’s nose. His face is pained, but he’s trying hard to remain unaffected. Fuck! What the fuck have I done? Me hitting Bran? How could I do that? Even unintentionally?

Tonight is just a fucked-up fucking case of fucking fuckery! Why did he have to be here?

I just found out my baby sister is getting in bed with the enemy in every sense of the word, but the part that makes me lose my fucking mind is the damn pain in Bran’s eyes.

“Niko…wait.” He wrenches his lips away. “I’m done waiting.”

The need to fucking own him claws inside me like a beast.

I don’t like how he looks at me with those soft eyes as if he missed me. As if he didn’t fucking replace me.

“You’re mine, Brandon. Fucking mine. If you think there’s another option out there for you other than me, I have a news flash for you.” I bite the shell of his ear and he moans, the sound muffled by my hand. “You fucking don’t. Just know that I’ll slaughter anyone you let near you and fuck you in their blood.”

Nikolai has, too, from the beginning. He calls me lotus flower because of it. But now, he’s being a massive dick.

“Is your…wrist okay?” He waves me away. “Nikolai was jealous and tried to break it, but I think I got away with a sprain.” “Nikolai did?” “He said either I leave Mia or he breaks my artist wrist.”

“You know, that’s your problem, Bran. You always assume things about me instead of fucking talking to me. It’s a nasty habit that needs to go.” He holds my gaze with his identical one. “I wouldn’t be the same without you, either, twat. You’re part of me.” “Ownership again? Classic.” “It’s not fucking ownership. If I owned you, I wouldn’t give two flying fucks about you because I’d already have you in my grasp.”

“I want you to listen to me and listen carefully. You’re part of me. That means I’m critical of you like I’m critical of myself. I see your safety as my own, sometimes even more so because you tend to think of others’ comfort more than your own. I hated it when you closed yourself behind a fortress and kept me out. I need you to understand that.”

“You put me as Spare Parts in your phone when we were thirteen.” “Because you demanded your own room. You said, and I quote, ‘I don’t want to share space with that vermin.’ I’m nothing if not petty.”

“Congratulations, Nikolai. You get your fucking wish.” I point a finger at his chest. “We’re over.”

“In your fucking dreams, baby.”

I’d rather bleed to death than let anyone see me like that.

I can’t stop thinking about the times I was cooking in the penthouse and Nikolai was being clingy, and while I called him annoying, I actually loved having him around.

“What’s important is you. As long as you’re comfortable in your own skin, everyone else can fuck off. If they say anything, I’ll drag them through enough courts to make them wish they’d never crossed your path.”

“Dad? Are you…okay with it?” “Your sexuality? Naturally. This guy, however, I’m not sure yet. What’s his name? Age? Parents’ names?” “Uh…so…remember Killian?” His lips part. “Please don’t tell me you’re with your sister’s boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend?” “What? No. Of course not, Dad.” “Ew, Levi.” Mum smacks his hand. “Fine, okay.” He releases a breath. “It can’t be worse than that.” “He’s his cousin.” “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

He’s been dealing with Lan his whole life, then he had Kill, who’s also a diagnosed psychopath, and I don’t think he’s even processed that.

“Please tell me he’s the levelheaded cousin who keeps him in check.” “To be honest, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Killian is definit...

“Fuck my life.” He exhales. “Astrid, Princess. I think I’m hav...

“What? I can’t have this bunch of psychos corrupting my children. I’m sure you’ll find someone better, son.”

Through it all, I couldn’t be fully present, not when I’d left my fucking heart on the island. I returned as soon as I could, but it turned out Bran wasn’t there all along.

Just damage his face so he no longer resembles the most beautiful man on earth. Said man looks at me as if I’m a barbarian walking into his empire with primitive weapons and the intention of burning down his forts.

How dare he be so unaffected when I’ve barely been able to breathe properly since he’s been gone?

I missed his comforting heat and that look in his eyes. Maybe the reason I’ve been on that high longer than usual is because I didn’t have him. He has a way of grounding me, pulling me down when I go up.

Since he came into my life, I haven’t gone on self-destructive sprees—except the last few weeks.