God of Fury (Legacy of Gods, #5)

by Rina Kent

“Don’t you fucking dare say his name with your rotten mouth. You don’t mention him. You don’t talk to him, and if you see him, you walk the other fucking way or, so help me God, I will kill you. Am I clear?”

reach a hand for him, wanting to touch his hair one final time. I’m sorry. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but no sound comes out. My hand falls as the ink swallows me whole. It’s finally over.

I’ll do anything if you give him back. If he asked for my life in return, I’d spill my guts on a platter. I don’t want a life without him. I can’t have a life without him.

My Bran kept that pain to himself for eight fucking years, to protect them—his fucking parents, siblings, and the whole world. I’m no fucking philanthropist. I shoved that video in their faces so they could see the pain that grew so big that he had to stab himself to end it.

I stood there watching him jam that piece of glass in his neck and felt the world tilt on its axis beneath my feet.

“I’m not lowering my fucking voice.” He shakes with the way he’s winding his muscles, a vein nearly popping in his neck. “That’s my twin brother. My other half. You don’t get it, Dad. He…he’s my. Other. Half. And I couldn’t be there to stop him from trying to take his own fucking life. I couldn’t be there when it got to be too much. He pushed me away and I thought he hated me. All this time, I failed to realize he hates himself

“Of course I would. I’m his twin brother. What’s the use of being labeled a genius if I couldn’t save the one person who matters?” “None of you would’ve known.” I speak in a voice that sounds far away even to my ears. “He made it his mission to hide behind a façade and pretend he was okay. If—when—he wakes up, you will not play this blaming game in front of him. It’ll only make him feel guilty and uncomfortable. He’s already had a lifetime of that, so you better get your fucking shit together when you see him.”

“Nikolai is the reason he’s still breathing. Your brother could’ve done it where no one was looking and it would’ve been too late by the time anyone found him⁠—” “You’re right, I couldn’t. I didn’t see it coming.” My voice chokes. “But I don’t give a fuck about you or your opinions, Landon. The only one who can be mad at me is him. Not you or anyone else.” He snarls at me, but his father manages to push him back. No matter how much I hate the prick, he’s right. If I hadn’t let him snatch that piece of glass, if I hadn’t broken that glass, if I hadn’t hit Play on that fucking video, none of this would’ve happened. But it did. And here I am standing at Death’s door, begging him not to take away my Bran.

He believes himself to be all messed up, but he’s the only one who’s managed to keep me rooted in the present, the one who manages to stop my thoughts from racing in different directions with unnatural patterns. As long as he comes back, I’ll murder his demons one by one until he’s ready to look in the mirror again. Until he forgives himself for something that was not his fault.

My heart thunders back to life, rising from the ashes in one sweeping motion. I have to close my eyes as a long whoosh of breath escapes me. He’s alive. I asked—begged—him not to leave me and he listened. He didn’t leave me. Fucking fuck. Fuck!

Soon after Bran went into surgery, I called my dad, breaking apart, hyperventilating. He told me to breathe and I asked how the fuck I was supposed to do that when the love of my fucking life was fighting death on a surgeon’s table. That’s when I told him everything in a word vomit. Everything about Bran and me. Everything about how that fucking pedophile is taking him away from me and that I need her gone. Erased. Fucking eradicated.

I never thought my larger-than-life father would look to be on the verge of collapsing because of me. And I want to hug him. I want to tell him how grateful I am to have him.

I want to get better not only for myself, but also for the man I love. The man who’s nowhere to be found.

Dad told me Nikolai is the reason I’m alive. He’s the one who kept the pressure on my neck as if his life depended on it and carried me to the car before they drove me here.

My disappointment is short-lived, however, when my eyes clash with my identical ones. I gulp, my heart swirling in a puddle of my own humiliating feelings that I confessed to my parents not too long ago.

“I’d kill for you, I’d shoot myself if that makes you breathe better without me shadowing you, but I’d never…ever hurt you, Bran.”

“Don’t joke about shit like that. Your life is not a fucking joke. Fuck!”

“What are you sorry for?” “For not pursuing you that night. For thinking it was because of the rumors and letting it go at that. I’m sorry for allowing you to hate me without doing anything about it.” “I never hated you, Lan. I hated myself, yes, but never you.” I release a mock laugh. “You were the half I looked at whenever I needed hope. Seeing you being your unapologetic, confident anarchist self made me believe I’d eventually be okay. You gave me strength, even unknowingly, so you shouldn’t apologize. This isn’t on you, it’s on me. You couldn’t have known when I didn’t let you in. And I didn’t let anyone in.”

“What can I do?” he asks with a wretched expression. “What can I do to stop you from doing that again? I don’t understand emotions, but you do, Bran. You do spectacularly well, and I’m asking, no, I’m begging you to tell me what I can do to make it better. Should I fuck off out of your life? Cut contact? Not visit Mum and Dad while you’re there? Will my disappearance stop you from having that nonsensical inferiority complex?” “That’s about the worst thing you can do, Lan. I need you by my side. I always have. Pretending I didn’t is what shoved me into that dark hole in the first place.” I smile. “I never felt happier than when you asked me to teach you empathy. I was proud that you needed me for once.” “I always needed you, idiot. I used that as an excuse to spend time with you because you’d made it your mission to avoid me for the past eight years. I fucking hated that. You were supposed to be the one who understood me best, but you turned your back on me.” “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just…stop doing that. Give the middle finger instead. Works so much fucking better.” “If I do that, will you stop being so agi...

“Come here.” I open my arms and I suspect he’ll push me away since he’s allergic to showing affection. However, my brother slides right between my arms and hugs me for the first time since that night eight years ago.

love you, little bro,” he whispers. “I need you to know that. I need you to know you’re the first person I loved unconditionally and always will. I might annoy you, might act like a dick to get your attention, but that’s only because the thought of losing you scares the living fuck out of me.” “Love you, too, Lan.” I exhale against his neck, my chest nearly bursting with emotions.

“Hey, Lan?” “I don’t like that tone. What?” “Since we’re sharing our feelings⁠—” “Lord, no. Please no. What is it now?” “I think you know already since, well, you went to the States and, uh, Nikolai was there… Point is, I love him and I want to be with him. If he’ll let me.”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t he let you?” He lifts his nose up with an air of arrogance. “The peasant should be honored and worship at your feet for you even looking in his direction.” “You…you’re okay with it?” “I don’t like the idea of anyone taking you away, let alone that distasteful brute, but I guess I can try to tolerate him for your and Mia’s sake.” “Thanks.” My heart beats faster. “Despite his violent exterior, he’s really a teddy bear deep down, you know. A golden retriever through and through. He’s extremely affectionate and respectful and makes sure I’m comfortable and happy.” “What type of voodoo did he use on my control-freak brother? More importantly, why did it have to be him? You’re allergic to violence and I’m pretty sure he’s illiterate.” “Lan! I’ll have you know he has a 4.15 GPA. Don’t make fun of his intelligence again or I’ll be really cross with you.” “Jesus Christ. You’re defending him?” “Get used to it. I won’t allow you or anyone else to insult him.” “Wow. Okay. Bring down the protectiveness a notch. It’s revolting.” “No. Deal with it.”

“There’s no need. He was with me and is currently waiting outside your room like a moping wanker.” He stands up. “I’ll fetch him for you.”

“One more thing.” “Yeah?” “Please tell me you top the motherfucker.” I let my lips curve into a smile as I shake my head. Lan’s face falls and he looks like he’s on the verge of a heart attack. “Bloody fucking hell!” He throws the door open and then shouts, “Nikolai, you fucking wank, come here.”

“Are you going to look at me anytime soon or do you prefer to stay outside⁠—”

He lifts his head and the words are cut off in my throat. The fear and rage that lingers in his eyes leave me speechless, completely taken in by him. “How could you?”

“How could you try to leave me? Don’t you know I can’t live without you anymore?” The moment he’s within reach, I take his hand in mine. The feel of his skin is like a shot of dopamine right through my veins. “I’m sorry. I thought… I thought you’d find me weak and revolting. The idea ...

“But you’re okay with me losing you? I’m a shell without you, Bran.” He drags my hand to him and slams it against his chest. “This thing only beats for you and because of you. I used to live an aimless life where adrenaline was my god, but you came along and tamed my demons. You balance me. You complete me. You’re fucking in me. So seeing you bleeding out on the floor was no different than watching myself die. No, it was worse. I’ve never felt so scared for my life, but you…you’re my everything. How could you do that to me? To us?” “I’m so sorry. The last thing I want is to hurt you.” “Don’t apologize. Tell me you won’t do it again. Promise me.” “I promise, Nik...

“Not even if you beg for it. I love you, lotus flower, and that means I’ll be by your side during all of your battles with your demons. I’ll kill them for you if you let me. I’ll listen to them if you want me...

“You’re the one who’s stuck with me. There’s no one on this earth who’s able to understand and love me like you do. It’s why I gravitated toward you without even noticing. Falling for you was effortless and final. I thought I was unworthy of you, I fought myself to be with you, but it was pointless. I never loved myself the way I love you, baby.”

“Does that mean you’re mine now?” “I think I always have been.” “Thank you for coming back to me, baby.” “Thank you for never giving up on me, Niko.”

He says I calm his demons down, and that’s the best compliment he can give me, especially since he’s the main reason I’m able to battle my own demons.

“Niko?” His dad’s voice filters through. “Are you decent or am I going to be exposed to your shenanigans?” “Go, Dad. I’m more indecent than a hooker on Satan’s lap!”

“Cockblocker of the Year Award goes to the almighty Kyle Hunter.”

“I can’t believe this!” Nikolai throws his hands in the air. “Hello, Petty Police? I’m reporting my dad.” “Lock me the fuck up.” “I might withdraw the charges if you just go away. Fucking now, please.”

“Dad!” “What? You’ve had him locked in here for hours.” “More like he’s had me locked up and I didn’t even get my prize,” he mutters like a kicked puppy.

“Bran, I need to ask you a very serious question.” I straighten, all humor disappearing. “Anything.” “What do you like about my twat of a son?” “The twat part didn’t need to be there!” Nikolai pushes his dad teasingly. “I also didn’t need to ask that very silly question when you’re already together.”

“His dad did it. I wanted you to do it as well.” My chuckle breaks their banter and I clear my throat. “I like that he oozes confidence, too much so sometimes. I like that he’s fiercely loyal, intensely protective, and loves with every fiber of his being. I like that he never fakes his actions or his emotions—what you see is literally what you get. But most of all, I like, no, I love that he loves me.”

“That was actually very touching,” Kyle says, then nudges his son with a foot. “Happy now?” “Very. Now, go away, Dad. Seriously. Or I’ll be sleeping on your goddamn bedroom floor later.”

“Baby, please? You can’t say shit like that and expect me not to fuck you.”

I know I’m supposed to go downstairs first, but I’m notoriously weak to his adorable pouts.

“You’re the most beautiful thing on earth,” he whispers against my neck, peppering kisses there as he meets my gaze in the mirror. “I’m lucky you allowed me in your life.” Kiss. “I’m lucky you love me.” Kiss. “I’m lucky you’re letting me fight your demons with you.”

His fingers ghost over the elegant sans serif font I had tattooed on my heart. Like where he got the tattoo for me. This is the first and last tattoo I’ll ever get, since I’m absolutely not a fan of pricking my skin anymore, but I had to ink him on the heart that beats because he exists. “You had Niko’s lotus flower tattooed on your chest?” “Not on my chest.” I take his hand in mine and press it on the skin. “My heart.” “Fuck me.” “In a good or bad way?” “I fucking love you, baby.” He kisses my lips long and hard. “I can’t believe you have a tattoo.” “For you.” “For me,” he repeats with raging possessiveness.

“Remember when we met that little girl in the park and you asked me what I whispered back to her?” “You said it was a secret,” he grumbles. “I told her I don’t need help because I’m in love with you.”

“Remember when you told me to tell you something in Russian?” “You said I was cute.” “No. I said ‘I can’t live without you,’ and we take that quite literally in Russia.”

“Aw, Nikolai.” “Point is, I love the loving fuck out of you, baby.” “I love the loving fuck out of you, too.”

I see my future with the most infuriating enigma. The most chaotic person on earth. And the love of my fucking life.

Anyway, the people here don’t matter. I couldn’t give one single flying fuck about any judgmental, patronizing eyes, because the only person who matters faces me with a grin so wide, I nearly go into cardiac arrest.