Building a Non-Anxious Life

by John Delony

that “if things aren’t perfect, they aren’t any good.” Many of us have been there: believing or behaving like everything is ruined if anybody makes one mistake. I’ve walked off a stage to a standing ovation and had one individual in the book-signing line tell me they didn’t like my talk . . . and I didn’t sleep that night. I zeroed in on the critic and totally disregarded the thousands of people who loved our time together. Anytime we are toggling between what’s going to happen and how we can make it perfect—or between the curated images on social media and magazine covers—the nagging, prickly shame that accompanies it is actually our body sounding an alarm, informing us that we’re a failure. And in those times when we do hit a perfect homerun? The alarms quickly direct us to someone who has already done it before—or better. That person who has made more money, has fewer wrinkles, has a more romantic husband, or is a better parent. In this state of mind, our bodies are quick to whisper that we’re no good, we’ve never been good, and we’re never going to be good. And sometimes, when you’re conscious enough to avoid manic actions and ruminations, you find yourself quiet and tranquil. It is here that you are honest with yourself about the chasm between what you wanted your life to look like and what it truly looks like in reality. This is often heartbreaking and sad, its own form of grief.