Survive for Me (Broken Bounty #2)

by Ember Nicole

The only thought so far that bothered me more than the others was having to acknowledge that if the girls had made it to Indiana like I’d hoped, it meant they both had access to the master bedroom in that house. There was nothing I could do from here about the picture that sat next to my side of the bed.

Trista had been slowly fading. She’d started out so clearly. I could picture her anytime I wanted. Now, I had to close my eyes and concentrate if I wanted to see her, and concentrating on anything was taking a lot of effort. I hadn’t had enough time with her for the memories of her to get me through this,

We’d gone to the baby class, the one that was supposed to tell men how to behave during delivery. I knew where to put pressure on Liz’s hips, how to rub her back, to let her try to break the bones in my hand when it was time to push. But for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why there hadn’t been a class dedicated entirely to surviving the first week with a new baby.

I would’ve paid any amount of money just to have had someone tell me how the fuck I was supposed to drive the twenty minutes from the hospital back to the house with a brand new, totally defenseless human, who I created, strapped into the car seat behind me.

There was absolutely no way that contraption could keep her alive if someone drove right into the side of my car. And then I’d have to kill everyone involved. What a...

“I’m going back to your house to be with your wife, Vance,” she said, like it should’ve been obvious. “Sometimes people get so caught up in loving the new baby that they seem to forget the mother still needs love and care too. Especially the mothers who struggled emotionally before the baby.”

There was no noise out here, no light, nothing at all to interrupt the quiet or the dark. It was probably amazing if you didn’t have a lifetime of shitty memories behind you and nothing but anxiety about the future to plague every second of your time.

I paused when I heard the door lock behind me and turned back to watch Utah pull on it a couple times like he needed to triple check that it wouldn’t open. “I guess we know who the group’s daddy is,” I said and couldn’t help but laugh. “Please call him that in front of Jersey,” Memphis said quickly. “Like the very first chance that you get. Get it on camera and I will give you any dollar amount that you can come up with.”

“He really is going to hate everything about you,” I added looking at Utah again. “That’s going to be the world’s worst trip from Philly to get back here. And that’s saying something because my first road trip with the man was a doozy.”

Memphis laughed. “She kicked him in the dick to get away from him the first time. And that’s not even close to the worst of it.” “He asked me out to dinner just to k...

If I hear any words that aren’t Jersey or please come from that mouth, I’ll fuck it until you black out this time, Fancy Face.

“Don’t you dare. You break for me and me alone, baby. Don’t do it for them. Don’t give in.”

I’d known her for years and to this day, I’d still never heard her yell. Even when we did get into serious fights, she never yelled. She never told me to leave or to find somewhere else to sleep. She didn’t have it in her to act that way. She felt big and devastating emotions, but she felt them alone. She took them with her every time she walked away from a heated discussion.

At this point, I was confident enough in my ability to swaddle so tightly that I could’ve wrapped a live badger in a baby blanket and not have to worry about it escaping.

“Were you just programmed from the moment that you were assembled to believe all men are heartless monsters who hurt others just for the sake of inflicting pain?” “All people, really,” I said, trying desperately to ignore him essentially calling me a robot. “What?” “It wasn’t really exclusive to men being heartless monsters.”

“You want your own room?” He asked. “Or do you want to stay with me?” My whole body physically paused, like English wasn’t the language that I spoke best, right after sarcasm and sass. Alone was how I’d spent most of my life and should’ve been where I was most comfortable, but I hadn’t actually been alone since Jersey came crashing into my world. Except the thought of being this close to Philly while alone was enough to feel like someone was slowly siphoning the air right out of my body. My head was already spinning out of control with how Memphis or Jersey might feel about me staying in the same room with this man too.

“I’m okay with being alone if you want your own room, Utah.” There. Make it his fucking problem. My God. He cocked his head at me and smirked. “Just because you’ve been alone all this time doesn’t mean you have to stay that way,” he said and laughed. “What are you, a mind reader now too?” “The Trista Whisperer, remember.”

“Were you about to say Jersey? Please tell me that you were. This will instantly become the best day of my life if you were about to ask if I’m good with women or if I’m more like Jersey because he is not good with women.” “That’s —. Okay, listen. Yeah, I was going to say Jersey —.” “I don’t think I’ve ever actually been this happy,” he interrupted. “Stop it. Listen. That’s not how I meant that.” “Oh, for sure, keep going. I can’t wait to hear you try to talk yourself out of this.”

The possibility of getting out of this situation alive, but without Jersey, left me with no real reason to keep trying to run. It all shifted in a matter of a few days and suddenly, everything about the future that I’d imagined hinged on Jersey.

I hadn’t had friends since I was a child, but it felt like this was probably what friends did.

It was a short hop from that thought to the self-loathing ones. The reason we’d all found ourselves in this position came back to me. I shot someone. I shot a twenty-year-old man right in the head. I couldn’t do it to myself like I’d originally intended. I spent years being his victim. I spent extra years nearly fucking convinced that I actually was the problem. That somehow all those nights of Dalton showing

up in my room had been only nightmares. Maybe I’d been delusional like they all called me. I was destructive in nature, and I was lashing out because I’d never gotten over my mother remarrying. I’d never gotten over losing my own dad. I had a brief moment of freedom. I had one whole semester of college to be away from it all, to convince myself that I never had to go back and that I could start over anywhere I wanted after that.

I couldn’t handle that. And I couldn’t handle Dalton in my room that very first fucking night back in the house. So, I ended it. Then I ran.

“Emotionless and strong aren’t synonymous,” he said and stood back up. “Come on. Out of the box of sadness. Let’s go.”

He hooked several other items to the front of that vest before he draped a giant black jacket over my shoulders and then laughed at how it nearly reached my knees. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s really all meant for me.” “Great. Jersey will just love that.”

I forced my supremely fucked up hand to function just long enough to lock it around hers so I could pull her toward the door behind me. Much to my surprise, she didn’t argue or even attempt to pull away. She never tried to kick me in the dick. So, she and Trista weren’t all that alike aside from the appearance.

Trista slipped out from under me when we got closer to a fucking pumpkin colored truck. I about threw up when she opened the back door. “The fuck is that? Where’s Seph?” “Jersey, please. Just get in. We can’t stop right now,” she begged. “Get in that Tonka toy? No, thank you. I’ll walk.” “Back to Indiana? You have nail holes in your fucking feet. Get. In. The. Truck.” “Where’s Seph, Triss?” I tried again.

He didn’t look anything like my Jersey right now. If he hadn’t freaked out about the absence of his car while we were running for our lives, I would’ve been terrified that he might not actually be my Jersey under the surface anymore either.

“Keep your hand somewhere that you can feel his pulse, Trista,” Utah said. “Tell me if it stops. We might still have to drive a while.” “If it stops?” I asked. “You’re talking about his heart. If his heart stops.”

“You can’t die now, J. Even though it does kind of sound like something you’d do just because you’re an asshole. Wait until I come save you so we can actually be together, die twelve seconds later so you don’t have to live with me holding it over your head that I did save you.”

Trista let out a heavy sigh and reached up between the front seats to squeeze his shoulder. “Please,” she all but whispered. He breathed in all the air in the cab of that truck before he nodded at her in the rear view mirror. “What is this? Why are you touching him?” I asked, trying to set him ablaze with my eyeballs.

Jersey grabbed my wrist. He pulled me across him until I was nearly sitting in his lap before he let go of my arm to move that hand to the side of my face. His thumb brushed over the break in my skin on my head before his hand went back to my cheek. “You’re a dumbass, you know that?” He whispered.

“You look disgusting, by the way. It’s probably a good thing that we met before your face took this turn.” I wasn’t even fucking standing and my knees still felt weak when he smiled.

His hand shifted behind my neck, and he pulled me all the way into his chest. He moved his arm around my shoulders and held me squished against him. I couldn’t recall a time in my life when I’d ever been so happy just to listen to someone’s heartbeat.

“Don’t worry. Your friend is still here too,” I said. “You know, Kyle.” I giggled again as I said the name out loud. “Don’t start with me,” he said and squeezed me harder with the arm that was still around my shoulders.

“I kind of moved into your room,” I said quietly as we walked down the hallway. “I don’t have to stay in there with you if it’s weir—.” “Shut up, Fancy Face. I’m way more concerned about the other males you moved in here than about which room you picked.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, J. You’re like a million years old. It makes sense that you would’ve had a life with other people before I was even born.” He chuckled. “Enjoy it while you can, baby. I heal quickly, and then I’ll make sure everyone you’ve moved into this house can hear you scream your apology.”

While he started out in the bedroom with me, he wasn’t there when I woke up the next morning. He’d moved to the couch in the living room at some point during that first night, and that’s where he’d been ever since. I spent an outrageous amount of time trying to convince myself that he was just having to work through some things, or that maybe he was having a difficult time adjusting to being back in his own house. I tried not to believe that it had anything to do with me, but he did choose to leave the photo of his wife and daughter next to that side of the bed.

I put a significant amount of effort into convincing myself that it wasn’t bothering me, but with every night that he spent on the couch and every day that passed without really being able to spend time near him, the weight got heavier.

I just fucking waited for Jersey to come back to life. My patience for that seemed to be wearing down a little more each day, no matter how well I thought I was keeping it to myself.

“If you spend one more day moping around this place, I’m going to start sending you out with Utah every day,” Indy said from across the kitchen island. “That’d probably bring Jersey to life faster than anything else,” Memphis said.

“I’m not moping.” “You are,” Utah said. “It’s depressing as fuck.” “Then leave,” I snapped. “And take her with you. She’s mean,” Indy said and laughed. “You guys all suck, you know that?” “He just needs time, Trista,” Memphis said. “How much time?” I asked. “Because I think I’m losing my mind.”

“Guys, the man literally fucked me with no regard for protection the first time. Didn’t even bother to ask about birth control or condoms,” I said. “But he’s been back here for like two weeks now and he hasn’t even kissed me?” “In his defense,” Memphis said. “He already knew you had an IUD.” “What? Why do you know I have an IUD?” “And how in any fucking realm is that in his defense?” Utah added.

“Hey,” Indy chimed in to Jersey. “Can you do me a favor?” “Probably not,” Jersey said and shifted toward the coffee pot on the other side of the kitchen. “Can you just come over here and kiss this girl so we can get on with life around here?” Indy asked. Memphis spit her own coffee out on the countertop because she couldn’t stifle the laugh, Indy

“Nothing at all,” I said to Jersey, ignoring Indy entirely. He smiled and I about fell right off that fucking chair.

“Be out in Seph in ten minutes, Triss.” “Fuck. And he’s a dom,” Indy said. “You have to stop talking,” Memphis whispered.

She was waiting for me in the garage well before that ten minute mark even got close, but she stood in the corner with her arms wrapped around her own body. “Why are you acting like you’ve never been alone with me before?”

“Maybe because that’s the longest sentence you’ve spoken to me in weeks?” She mumbled across the roof of Persephone

I tried to mentally prepare myself for the level of sass that was apparently ready to burst out of her any second once I was in the car beside her, but she fell right back into silence while I pulled out of the garage and turned around to get to the road. Somehow, this was even more uncomfortable than the first day that I...

Something in me really was always convinced that the silence would help. If I just gave it the chance, maybe the silence could drown out everything that had ever fucking plagued the never-ending, soul-crushing chain of events that kept shoving my ass back toward depression and the desire to kill it all with alcohol.