Joyful Recollections of Trauma: A Hilariously Cathartic Memoir-in-Essays of Childhood Turmoil, Self Healing, and Finding Happiness

by Paul Scheer

A look of genuine shock came over his face as I told him what Mom and I had gone through, the look of horror and pity and disbelief you’d get from someone who hadn’t been there. But he had been. He just kept saying, “I didn’t know.” But he must have known something; he had heard my stories, and he had even been in a fistfight with the man. It was odd, but I left that talk at City Crab feeling fulfilled simply because Dad and I had spoken about it; that step alone was so big that, in the moment, it felt like enough. Becoming a dad changed my perspective on the events of my childhood. I stopped thinking about myself living through abuse, and I imagined my sons going through that same thing at the hand of a stepfather. I asked myself how I would react to my kids telling me the stories that I told my dad. What would I do? The answer was always: I wouldn’t just do something, I’d do everything. As much as I love my dad, I was finding myself angry at him for the first time. So I reached out again. Sadly, I’ve found that in the decades that have passed since our first conversation, his memories have gotten fuzzier, and now he continues to blame everyone but himself: “I didn’t think it was that bad,” or “I thought you were exaggerating,” or even, “I thought your mom would be able to handle it, ’cause she told me she could.” Now years later I’m finding the small amount of progress we made in our first conversation has taken a giant step back.