The Savage Detectives

by Roberto Bolaño

my hands went to Brígida’s hair (dyed a light chestnut color and not very clean, as I discovered) and her ears, which were small and fleshy but almost unnaturally tough, as if they weren’t made of flesh and blood at all, only cartilage or plastic, or no: barely tempered metal, from which hung two big fake silver hoops.

(The Queneau was a photocopy, and the way it had been folded, in addition to the wear and tear of too much handling, had turned it into a kind of startled paper flower, its petals splayed toward the four points of the compass.)

to be honest, virginity doesn’t mean much to me. (I’m a virgin myself, after all, unless Brígida’s fellatio interrupta is considered a deflowering. But is that making love with a woman? Wouldn’t I have had to simultaneously lick her pussy to say that we’d actually made love? To stop being a virgin, does it only count if a man sticks his dick into a woman’s vagina, not her mouth, her ass, or her armpit? To say that I’ve really made love, do I have to have ejaculated? It’s all so complicated.)

“How did Laura Damián die?” “She was hit by a car in Tlalpan. She was an only child, and her parents were devastated. I think her mother even tried to commit suicide. It must be sad to die so young.” “It must be extremely sad,” I said, imagining María Font in the arms of a seven-foot-tall Englishman, so white he was practically an albino, his long pink tongue between her thin lips.

“I thought you died,” said María all of a sudden. The callousness of the remark stunned me. María’s tact has these gaping holes.

“If Lupe’s pimp shows up here, you’ll have to defend us both, García Madero.” I thought she was kidding. Then it occurred to me she might be serious and, frankly, the situation started to seem appealing. Just then I couldn’t imagine a better way to look good in front of María. I felt happy. We had the whole night ahead of us.

“The visceral realists? Please. The only ones who read are Ulises and his little Chilean friend. The rest are a bunch of functional illiterates. As far as I can tell, the only thing they do in bookstores is steal books.” “But then they read them, don’t they?” I said, slightly annoyed. “No, you’re wrong. Then they give the books to Ulises and Belano, who read them and tell what they’re about so the others can go around bragging about having read Queneau, for example, when all they’ve really done is steal a book by Queneau, not read it.”

I’m just a poet,” said San Epifanio, making room for me. “Poetry is more than enough for me, although sooner or later I’m bound to commit the vulgarity of writing stories.”

“Well, there’s a kind of poetry to them. But if I told you that they only struck me as poetic, I’d be lying. They’re strange pictures. I’d call them pornographic. Not in a negative sense, but definitely pornographic.” “Everybody tends to pigeonhole things they don’t understand,” said San Epifanio. “Did the pictures turn you on?” “No,” I said emphatically, although the truth is I wasn’t sure. “They didn’t turn me on, but they didn’t disgust me either.” “Then it isn’t pornography. Not for you, at least.” “But I liked them,” I admitted.

I slipped toward the door, silently thanking Jorgito for giving me a place to sleep. So long, cuñado! I thought (from the Latin cognatus, cognati: brother-in-law), and steeling myself with the word, I slid catlike out of the room down a hallway as dark as the blackest night, or like a movie theater full of staring eyes, where everything had gone pop, and felt my way along the wall until, after an ordeal too long and nerve-racking to describe in detail (plus I hate details), I found the sturdy staircase that led from the second floor to the first.

Her fingers ran over my face, from my chin to my eyes, closing my eyes as if inviting me to sleep; her hand, a bony hand, unzipped my pants and felt for my cock. Why I don’t know, maybe because I was so nervous, but I said I wasn’t sleepy. I know, said María, me neither. Then everything turned into a succession of concrete acts and proper nouns and verbs, or pages from an anatomy manual scattered like flower petals, chaotically linked.

I learned, in fewer than ten minutes, where a woman’s clitoris is and how to massage or fondle or press it, always within the bounds of gentleness, of course, bounds that María, on the other hand, was constantly transgressing, since my cock, treated well in the first forays, soon began to suffer torments in her hands, hands that in the dark and the tangle of the sheets sometimes seemed to me like the talons of a falcon or a falconess, tugging on me so hard that I was afraid they were trying to pull me right off, and at other times like Chinese dwarfs (her fingers were the fucking dwarfs!) investigating and measuring the spaces and ducts that connected my testicles to my cock and each other.

Ernesto San Epifanio had said that all literature could be classified as heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Novels, in general, were heterosexual, whereas poetry was completely homosexual; I guess short stories were bisexual, although he didn’t say so.

Within the vast ocean of poetry he identified various currents: faggots, queers, sissies, freaks, butches, fairies, nymphs, and philenes. But the two major currents were faggots and queers. Walt Whitman, for example, was a faggot poet. Pablo Neruda, a queer. William Blake was definitely a faggot. Octavio Paz was a queer. Borges was a philene, or in other words he might be a faggot one minute and simply asexual the next. Rubén Darío was a freak, in fact, the queen freak, the prototypical freak.

Freaks, according to San Epifanio, were closer to madhouse flamboyance and naked hallucination, while faggots and queers wandered in stagger-step from ethics to aesthetics and back again. Cernuda, dear Cernuda, was a nymph, and at moments of great bitterness, a faggot, whereas Guillén, Aleixandre, and Alberti could be considered a sissy, a butch, and a queer, respectively. As a general rule, poets like Carlos Pellicer were butches, while poets like Tablada, Novo, and Renato Leduc were sissies.

In fact, there was a dearth of faggots in Mexican poetry, although some optimists might point to López Velarde or Efraín Huerta. There were lots of queers, on the other hand, from the mauler (although for a second I heard mobster) Díaz Mirón to the illustrious Homero Aridjis. It was necessary to go all the way back to Amado Nervo (whistles) to find a real poet, a faggot poet, that is, and not a philene like the resurrected and now renowned Manuel José Othón from San Luis Potosí, a bore if ever there was one.

speaking of bores: Manuel Acuña was a fairy and José Joaquín Pesado was a Grecian wood nymph, both longtime pimps of a cer...

Anyway, the poetry scene was essentially an (underground) battle, the result of the struggle between faggot poets and queer poets to seize control of the word. Sissies, according to San Epifanio, were faggot poets by birth, who out of weakness or for comfort’s sake lived within and accepted—most of the time—the aesthetic and personal parameters of the queers.

In Spain, France, and Italy, queer poets have always been legion, he said, although a superficial reader might never guess. What happens is that a faggot poet like Leopardi, for example, somehow reconstructs queers like Ungaretti, Montale, and Quasimodo, the deadly trio.

Not to mention France, great country of devouring mouths, where one hundred faggot poets, from Villon to our beloved Sophie Podolski, have nurtured, still nurture, and will nurture with the blood of their tits ten thousand queer poets with their entourage of philenes, nymphs, butches, and sissies, lofty editors of literary magazines, great translators, petty bureaucrats, and grand diplomats of the Kingdom of Letters (see, if you must, the shameful and malicious reflections of the Tel Quel poets).

“There was only one,” said San Epifanio, “and now I’ll tell you who it was, but he was the real thing, a steppes-and-snow faggot, a faggot from head to toe: Khlebnikov.” There was an opinion for every taste.

And now, some differences between queers and faggots. Even in their sleep, the former beg for a twelve-inch cock to plow and fertilize them, but at the moment of truth, mountains must be moved to get them into bed with the pimps they love. Faggots, on the other hand, live as if a stake is permanently churning their insides and when they look at themselves in the mirror (something they both love and hate to do with all their heart), they see the Pimp of Death in their own sunken eyes.

For faggots and queers, pimp is the one word that can cross unscathed through the realms of nothingness (or silence or otherness). But then, too, nothing prevents queers and faggots from being good friends if they so desire, from neatly ripping one another off, criticizing or praising one another, publishing or burying one another in the frantic and moribund world of letters.”

I started to think about the abyss that separates the poet from the reader and the next thing I knew I was deeply depressed.

While I was in bed with Rosario, it occurred to me that Mexican avant-garde poetry was undergoing its first schism. Depressed all day, but writing and reading like a steam engine.

Today Rosario and I had sex from midnight until four-thirty in the morning and I clocked her again. She came ten times, I came twice. And yet the time we spent making love was longer than yesterday. Between poems (as Rosario slept), I made some calculations. If you come fifteen times in four hours, in four and a half hours you should come eighteen times, not ten. The same ratio goes for me. Are we already in a rut?

The Rebeca Nodier bookstore is tended by Rebeca Nodier herself, an old woman in her eighties who is completely blind and wears unruly white dresses that match her dentures; armed with a cane and alerted by the creaky wooden floor, she hops up and introduces herself to everyone who walks into her store, I’m Rebeca Nodier, etc., finally asking in turn the name of the “lover of literature” she has the “pleasure of meeting” and inquires what kind of literature he or she is looking for. I told her that I was interested in poetry, and to my surprise, Mrs. Nodier said all poets were bums but they weren’t bad in bed. Especially if they don’t have any money, she went on.

When he had calmed down, still apologizing profusely, he asked me to understand that he was a timid homosexual (never mind my age, Juanito!) and that he was out of practice in the art of hooking up, always difficult even when it wasn’t downright mysterious. You must think I’m an ass, and rightly so, he said. Then he confessed that it had been at least five years since he’d slept with anyone. Before I left, he insisted on giving me the Porrúa edition of the complete works of Sophocles and Aeschylus to make up for bothering me. I told him that I hadn’t been bothered at all, but it would have seemed rude not to accept his gift. Life is shit.

I turned around and through the back window I saw a shadow in the middle of the street. All the sadness of the world was concentrated in that shadow, framed by the strict rectangle of the Impala’s window.

when they spoke Cesárea’s name I raised my eyes and looked at them as if I were seeing them through a curtain of gauze, surgical gauze, to be precise,

It was César who had a poem in Lee Harvey Oswald, a poem called “Laura and César,” very sweet, but Ulises changed the title (or convinced César to change it) and in the end it was called “Laura & César.” That was the kind of thing Ulises Lima did.

Poor César. He had light brown hair and he was tall. He lived with his grandmother (his parents lived in Michoacán) and I had my first adult sexual experiences with him. Or actually, my last adolescent sexual experiences. Or second to last, now that I think about it.

They were actually journalists and government officials, the kind of sad people who never leave downtown, or certain downtown neighborhoods, sovereigns of sadness in the area bounded by Avenida Chapultepec, to the south, and Reforma, to the north, staffers at El Nacional, proofreaders at the Excelsior, pencil pushers at the Secretaría de Gobernación who headed to Bucareli when they left work and sent out their tentacles or their little green slips.

strange things started to happen to Arturo. That was when visceral realism was born. At first we all thought it was a joke, but then we realized it wasn’t. And when we realized it wasn’t a joke, some of us went along with him and became visceral realists, out of inertia, I think, or because it was so crazy that it seemed plausible, or for the sake of friendship, so as not to lose a whole circle of friends, but deep down no one took it seriously. Not deep down.

I thought: of all the stupid things to come up with, how can he believe this junk, and suddenly, one night when I couldn’t sleep, it occurred to me that it was all a message for me. It was a way of saying don’t leave me, see what I’m capable of, stay with me. And then I realized that deep down the guy was a creep. Because it’s one thing to fool yourself and another thing entirely to fool everybody else. The whole visceral realism thing was a love letter, the demented strutting of a dumb bird in the moonlight, something essentially cheap and meaningless. But that wasn’t what I meant to say.

Literature isn’t innocent. I’ve known that since I was fifteen. And I remember thinking that then, but I can’t remember whether I said it or not, and if I did, what the context was. And then the walk (but here I have to clarify that it wasn’t five of us anymore but three, the Mexican, the Chilean, and me, the other two Mexicans having vanished at the gates of purgatory) turned into a kind of stroll on the fringes of hell.

Luscious Skin’s shoulder smelled like sweat, a strange acidic smell, as if he’d just walked away unscathed from the explosion of a chemical plant,

The visceral realists weren’t as badly behaved as we were afraid they might be, either. I hadn’t met them before, only heard of them. Mexico City, as we all know, is a small town of fourteen million.

I poured them more Los Suicidas mezcal and then I sat on the edge of the armchair and in my very backside I swear I felt as if I’d perched on the edge of a razor.

we were silent for a while, me sitting at the foot of his bed, him stretched out with his book, the two of us sneaking looks at each other, listening to the sound the elevator made, as if we were in a dark room or lost in the country at night, just listening to the sound of horses. I could’ve sat there like that for the rest of the day, for the rest of my life.

I told him that I thought poets were hermaphrodites and that they could only be understood by each other. Poets, I said. What I would have liked to say was: we poets. But he looked at me as if the flesh had been stripped from my face and it was just a skull, he looked at me with a smile and said: don’t be corny, Perla. That was all. I turned pale and flinched, only managing to move a little bit away, and I tried to get up but I couldn’t, and all that time he sat there motionless, looking at me and smiling, as if all the skin, muscles, fat, and blood had slid off my face, leaving only the yellow or white bone.

I began to tremble and he noticed. Why do I have to like the worst ones? I thought, why do I have to be attracted to the most brooding, least cultured, most desperate ones? It’s a question I ask myself twice a year. I still haven’t found an answer.

Pancho saw that our relationship was flickering out as fast as—as what?—something that blinks out very quickly, the lights of a factory at the end of the day. No, more like the lights of an office building eager to blend into the anonymity of night. It’s a contrived image, but it’s what Pancho would’ve chosen. A contrived image with two or three dirty words tacked on.

And then the old bastard comes right out and says he doesn’t like tape recorders, never mind how hard it was for me to get this one, and the ass kissers say okay, no problem, we’ll write up a question sheet right here, Mr. Great Poet of the Pleistocene, yes sir, instead of pulling down his pants and shoving the tape recorder up his ass.

Ulises Lima, on the other hand, was much friendlier and more radical. Sometimes he seemed like Vaché’s younger brother. Other times he seemed like an extraterrestrial. He smelled strange. This I know, this I can say, this I can attest to because on two unforgettable occasions he showered at my house. More precisely: he didn’t smell bad, he had a strange smell, as if he’d just emerged from a swamp and a desert at the same time. Extreme wetness and extreme dryness, the primordial soup and the barren plain.

Arturo had his eyes on the stranger and every once in a while he glanced at me, and both looks, the ones he gave the man in white and the ones directed at my table, were absent, or distant, as if he’d left Café Quito a long time ago and only his ghost was still there, restless.

Arturo laughed. His laugh was like a gob of spit.

I spent hours with them, as passionately devoted as a poetess and an English nurse and a little sister keeping tireless watch over her older brothers. And they would say to me in that odd Spanish accent of theirs, the way it circles around the z and the c and leaves the s more orphaned and libidinous than ever: Auxilio, stop fussing around the apartment, Auxilio, leave those papers alone, woman. Dust and literature have always gone hand in hand.

Don Pedro wouldn’t laugh (Pedrito Garfias, what a melancholy man), he wouldn’t laugh, he would just look at me with his eyes like lakes at sunset, those lakes in the mountains that no one visits, those sad, peaceful lakes, so peaceful they seem otherworldly,

I went over to a window and looked down, and I saw soldiers, and then I looked out another window and I saw tanks, and then out another one, at the end of the hallway, and I saw vans into which the captive students and professors were being herded, like something from a World War II movie crossed with a María Félix and Pedro Armendáriz movie of the Mexican Revolution, a dark canvas peopled with little phosphorescent figures, the kind of thing they say crazy people see, or people in the throes of fear.