If we’re patient in a difficult situation, and hold our tongue (“You know, anybody else would really explode, but I’m patient”), what is the exchange we expect then? Someone should notice how patient we’ve been! Always we’re looking for the exchange; we might as well put a dollar sign on it. Or if we’re understanding and forgiving (“After all, anyone knows how difficult she is”) we expect what? If we sacrifice ourselves, what is the exchange we should get? Many parent-child games are in this area. “I’ve done everything for you—you ungrateful so and so!” This is the “exchange” mentality:
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