Notes from the Underground: The Original Unabridged and Complete Edition (Fyodor Dostoyevsky Classics)

by Fyodor Dostoevsky

but in despair there are the most intense enjoyments, especially when one is very acutely conscious of the hopelessness of one’s position.

And what is it that civilisation softens in us? The only gain of civilisation for mankind is the greater capacity for variety of sensations--and absolutely nothing more.

Why, suffering is the sole origin of consciousness. Though I did lay it down at the beginning that consciousness is the greatest misfortune for man, yet I know man prizes it and would not give it up for any satisfaction.

It is clear to me now that, owing to my unbounded vanity and to the high standard I set for myself, I often looked at myself with furious discontent,

I never have been a coward at heart, though I have always been a coward in action.

Either to be a hero or to grovel in the mud--there was nothing between.