Just Don't Fall (Sweater Weather, #1; Appies, #1)

by Emma St. Clair

my crush on hockey’s beautiful bad boy began on a typical Tuesday night fifteen years ago when he shared a half-eaten chocolate chip cookie with me and told my brother to stop being a jerk.

Back in the day, she had the singular ability to make me smile, something I rarely had reason to do.

If Parker wasn’t laughing, she was smiling. Always. She was a compact ball of sunshine who drove away the constant storm cloud I lived under.

She smells like home.

nowhere ever felt like home, so it shouldn’t have a scent. But it does, and it’s somehow attached to Parker.

every time I lace up my skates, I’m aware that some part of me is skating for approval I’ll never get.

Every guy calls Parker Boss. All of them look at her in a way I don’t like. Not that they looked at her disrespectfully. The opposite actually—it’s clear they hold Parker in high regard.

Are all the guys in love with you? Maybe love is the wrong word. But for most, there’s definitely more than respect. Almost every one of them—maybe Felix aside—seems like they’d jump at the chance to be with Parker.

He laughs, and my whole torso hums with a kind of deep, deep pleasure I rarely feel. Because Logan doesn’t laugh much.

It’s so easy with her. Conversation. Making her smile and laugh. Just being present and not feeling any kind of pressure to be or do anything other than me.

I don’t remember the last time someone so much as microwaved a burrito for me.

It’s the closest I’ve come to kissing a woman in a while. A long while, now that I’m thinking about it. And I’ve definitely never wanted to kiss someone so much. But it’s Parker.

my screen lights up again and again with reminders that someone in this world actually cares about me. Even if I don’t deserve it.

But I realize safe isn’t something I usually feel. The mere idea creates a vacuum of longing inside my chest, like some black hole yawning and waiting to be filled. The only times I really felt safe in my life were with Brandon and Parker.

Logan is special, a little voice in my head tells me. And he is, for more reasons than just the whole famous athlete thing, which honestly, I don’t care one lick about. Logan is special because he’s always been special. Back then and now again.

Working for the team is like acquiring a whole roster of protective older brothers. I may not have dated much since I’ve worked for the Appies, but I have no doubt if I did, the guy would have to deal with a whole slew of threats.

I survive practice, and the guys are all smiles again in the locker room. Honestly, I expected worse. But when I return from the shower, I see that they weren’t quite done. I sigh and turn to the locker room, where the guys are very conspicuously quiet. “I got the message,” I announce. “Loud and clear. Now, where are my clothes?” No one looks at me. But there are quiet snickers, and a few guys are suddenly very interested in their phones. Only Van steps up in front of me, arms crossed over his tattooed chest. “And what’s the message?” “If I do anything to mess with Parker⁠—” “Anything at all.”

“Trust me—If I did anything to Parker, Brandon would kill me before any of you had a chance.” “Yeah?” Van says. “Well, we’d find a way to bring you back just so we could kill you again.” “And we’d enjoy it,” Alec says, the glint in his eyes making me wonder if his shiny outside disguises a very dark inside.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I say. Van claps a hand on my shoulder and squeezes a little too hard. “When it comes to the Boss, we are deadly serious.”

“Just be careful. If you do anything to hurt Parker—intentionally or otherwise—I think you’ll be dealing with a whole lot worse than wardrobe replacements.” I crack a smile. “Like knee replacements? Hip replacements?” Felix does not smile back. Instead, he nods. “You’re getting the picture.”

“I am not a toy to be shared or fought over. Not by you. Not by Aaron. Not by Logan. And the thing is—Logan knows that. He would never treat me this way.”

“Why don’t we start with what you’re comfortable with?” Logan suggests. His voice has lost the teasing edge. Now it’s almost tender. Which might be more my undoing than the flirty teasing one. Because Logan cares about what makes me comfortable.

Maybe I have commitment issues. Or maybe it’s that no one in my life has ever been committed to me. And I’ve never had anyone I felt was worth me committing to them.

A laugh bursts out of me, and Logan’s arm tightens around my waist. “That’s better,” he says. “Can’t have my Parker unhappy.” My Parker?

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be,” I tell her. “And no one I’d rather be with.”

I don’t want to mess up your reputation or anything.” I snort. “I should be so lucky. With a little investigative journalism, they’d quickly find that you’re way too good for me, Pete.” It’s true. So true. For a fraction of a second, I wonder how things would be if I were the kind of man who could spend my life with Parker.

I’m not surprised Parker is worried about my reputation—she’s always been more concerned with others than herself.

“Surely, you could spare Parker for one dance,” Aaron says with a sneer. “I don’t share,” Logan says, and the rough edge to his voice makes my insides quiver. “But the choice is not mine to make.” I think of Logan’s words earlier, how he said I’m not a pawn. His protectiveness combined with his respect for me is like the ultimate gold standard for men.

Tonight has been, hands down, the best date of my life.

She illuminates whatever space she’s in. She illuminates me.

It’s nice to feel needed by someone. Especially by someone I know would be there for me as well. I might be almost thirty, but I really have no one like this in my life. And it’s only since I’ve come back to Harvest Hollow that I’ve realized how much I’ve been missing real connection.

This man has my heart. It’s his. I think it always has been.

Parker is worth trying for, worth trying to figure out all these complications.

Parker is so good at doing what’s best for other people. So giving. So generous.

“You shouldn’t give up what you really want just because someone else asks you to.”

I’ve only ever worn your jersey, Logan.”

Parker, who had every reason to hate me after the way I left, snuck off to my games and wore my jersey. I barely refrain from asking her to put it on right now.

“Because if you were mine, I’d be sure everyone knows it. There would be no question in anyone’s mind.”

While I’m all-too aware there are many women who would want me just for my looks or the money or the fame, I’m not sure any of those are reason enough for Parker. And what else do I have to offer someone like her?

Just when I think Parker can’t get more attractive, she goes and does something like put a bunch of grown men acting like boys in their place.

Logan’s full smile is so rare it might as well be a Sasquatch—rumored to exist but with only rare, unconfirmed sightings. Except I can confirm it. Because it’s aimed right my way.

not only set down his controller, he came into the bathroom with me. I was so ill that I temporarily suspended my extreme mortification at barfing in front of my crush. Desperate times. Logan held back my hair. He rubbed my back. He got a cool washcloth and wiped my face. And when it was all over and the contents of my stomach—and maybe part of my stomach lining—were emptied out, Logan picked me up, carried me to my room, and tucked me into bed. While a memory involving barf isn’t the epitome of romantic, it reminds me how thoughtful and tender he could be, even when he was a dumb teenage boy.

if Logan keeps doing all this, I’m going to end up even more in love with him than I was at the start of all this. And then? He’ll leave me. Again.

“I wish I could be mad about your unwillingness to let this go. But your tenacity is one of the things I admire most about you.”

“Maybe it’s not too much. Maybe you’ve just grown used to not enough.”

I’m honestly happy to be here.” The words are true. I actually can’t remember the last time I was so happy or felt so … not alone. I’ve been a part of teams, but the Appies are different. I always kept myself aloof—there but not there. Whether it’s because of these guys specifically or because I'm in a weird place or maybe because of Parker, it’s the first time I’ve really let myself be connected in any personal way. To anyone.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I assure her. “Trust me.” I mean the words for the moment, but I realize I mean something more. The goal of coming here might have been to get back to the NHL as fast as humanly possible. But whether I’m offered a chance to move back up or not, I don’t want to. Not now. Not this season.

the way she defended me to Brandon, the way she chose me. Not over him necessarily, but she aligned herself with me. I can’t think of a time anyone has had my back this way before. Not ever.

I feel like I’ve always been here. Like I belong. Like I’m home.