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Moments before the pain in my lungs exploded and everything went dark, I saw it. A halo of light. An orb of pure sunshine. Her. I saw her. And that’s when I knew. That’s when I knew…
“I mean it,” he urged, turning to look at me now. “I can’t lose another person I love.” “You love me?” He nodded sadly as another tear trickled down his cheek. “I love you most of all.”
“I don’t see anyone.” His lips tipped up in the smallest of smiles before he added, “Except for you.”
I didn’t have to open my eyes to know that I had somehow managed to sleepwalk into her bedroom. Again. It was the only place my legs ever took me. It was the only place I could breathe.
Claire Biggs had a lot of things. My back. My attention. My heart. My soul. Yeah, she had all of me and that wasn’t an exaggeration.
She was the nicotine I couldn’t walk away from. The crutch I hadn’t learned to walk without.
It couldn’t hurt when I was Gibsie, because Gibsie was my armor, and humor was my sword.
If I could sew this girl to my skin without causing her an ounce of harm, then I would do it in a heartbeat. That’s how vital she was to my life. How essential she was to my existence. If drugs were to Joey Lynch what Claire Biggs was to me, then there was no amount of rehab that could sway me to kick the habit. Because she was the habit of my lifetime.
From as far back as I could remember, my mind had always been very clear about three things. One: Hugh was my brother. Two: Bethany was my sister. Three: Claire was mine.
“It’s all about priorities, babe.” “And I’m yours?” I teased. “Always,” he confirmed sleepily, tightening his hold on my waist.
Gibsie belonged to the rest of the world. Gerard belonged just to me.
“Please don’t let go.” “Never,” he vowed. “Not in a million years.”
Some of the best things in life aren’t meant to last forever. That’s why we cherish them when they happen. Like your favorite chocolate in a box. Or shooting stars. We don’t refuse to eat the sweet because once we do, it’ll be gone, or stop looking at the stars after one shoots by. We enjoy the moment because we know it’s worth living in.”
Which brought me to my person. Gerard was bristling with a mischievous sort of energy that emanated from him in waves. It was as enticing as it was addictive. He was the type of boy you wanted to spend all your time with, regardless of the consequences because it was instant, delayed, and prolonged gratification combined.
They say it’s hard to get over your first love. Well, if I knew it to be true, like my heart was so insistent, I would never be getting over Gerard Gibson.
but you can’t change the heart’s direction once it sets sight on its destination. And my heart’s destination was hell-bent toward melding with his. Toward entwining with his and never breaking free again.
Shannon Lynch was his endgame, and Johnny Kavanagh was hers.
“Yeah, well, a little word of warning: you fuck with her, you fuck with me—”
“I’ll give you all my weekends, Claire Biggs,” His hand reached for mine, fingers entwining in that familiar way I treasured. “I’ll give you my weekdays, too.”
“But when I’m with you, I feel like I have my thinking cap on.” Pondering, I folded one arm behind my head as I tried to form sentences out of my wandering thoughts. “You’re the only person who can hold my attention. It shifts and wanders off on just about everyone else. But not you. Never you.”
As for Joey? He’s a force to be reckoned with. I’ve never seen a more resilient human in my life. Yeah, he’ll always be an addict, but he’s got a family in there worth staying sober for. A girl and a baby that not only would he fight to the death for, but that he also wants to live for. So, fuck guarantees and don’t bet against him. He’ll forge an epic future for Aoife and AJ, just like he forged a future for his siblings.”
“Don’t you start,” I warned, turning to glare at Hugh. “I might not be smooth like the rest of ye, or a fucking mathematician like Brains over there,” I paused to point at Johnny, “but I have a heart that pumps and beats and grows feelings. I care. I feel. I love. And all of it is solely directed toward your sister.”
“Of course.” Using my thumb, I wiped a rogue tear from her cheek. “I’d do anything for you.”
My life consisted of this girl. Of the perfume she wore. Of the smiles she offered. The clothes she chose on a particular day. The colors she painted her nails. She was tattooed inside of me, and I was hooked. Claire was my safe place.
“Because I love you too much!” he surprised me by saying. Expelling a pained breath, he dropped his head to rest on my shoulder. “Because I fucking love you, Claire Biggs.”
“I’m not yours.” “Well, I’m yours,” he came right back with. “I’m yours, Claire.”
“I never know where I stand with you.” “In front,” came his quick response. “On top. Number one. Fucking always, Claire.”
Kissing him felt like I had suddenly remembered the answer to a question that had been tormenting me for hours.
“Don’t think I can survive without you, though.”
“You know I love you.” He pressed me deep into the mattress with his big body, lips moving against mine when he bit out the words, “There’s only ever been you for me.”
“I would much rather live my life with mistakes under my belt than regrets chipping away at my heart.”
“From here on out, I will follow you anywhere.” My heart leapt in my chest. “What do you mean?” “I mean it’s yours,” he ground out hoarsely. “Whatever you want from me. It’s yours, Claire.”
“But I feel safe around Gibs,” she told me. “Aside from Johnny, he’s the only other boy whose hands I would willingly put my life in.”
“I need to hear your voice.” “Why?” “Because I need to know it’s you touching me.”
“Time can’t heal when it doesn’t pass by.”
I didn’t know how she managed to do it, but she healed the broken pieces inside of me. She patched me up in such a way that I was a functioning man again. For her. Only for her.
Because his past was his prison, and our love was his getaway car.
