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“Fuck yeah, my little mermaid!”
“What would be going too far is telling him that Peter Biggs saved the wrong child from the wat—”
What would be going too far is telling him that Peter Biggs saved the wrong child from the water that day. The wrong child drowned. The wrong child was saved.
My sister had fallen overboard because of me. Because I’d been teasing her with a stupid toy laser that I’d snagged that morning from a lucky dip bag.
When she fell overboard chasing the stupid red light, protective brotherly instincts caused me to jump straight in after her. I didn’t think about what I was doing, or the fact that I couldn’t swim. I didn’t realize the danger I was putting my entire family in. I just saw my sister go overboard and reacted on instinct.
Its giving the world was widenough from Hamilton
I made the biggest mistake of my life and, in turn, caused the death of not only my baby sister, but my father, too.
I was responsible for my sister falling overboard. I was responsible for my father exhausting himself in the water trying to keep two children afloat. I was the one who slipped out of his arms, causing him to let go of Bethany. Me.
If I couldn’t change the past, then at least I could force myself to forget it.
“Well, I am okay,” I repeated, keeping my attention locked on the road ahead as we pulled into Ballylaggin afternoon traffic. “I’m always okay.” “I know, Gerard,” she replied sadly, entwining our fingers. “I know.”
“You can see the stem of my cock, Claire!” Eyes bulging, I pointed to the very obvious mishap in her design. “I know you can’t see the full shaft, but you can see my pubes and that’s not supposed to happen, right?”
“Do you want me to die?” “I want you to suck in your waist so I can tie this bloody button!”
“Ew, Gerard, don’t use the word ‘cock.’” “Is ‘dick’ better?” “Ew no, that’s our son’s name. Say ‘willy.’”
“It’s my dick’s fault.”
It wasn’t nice to know that Joey ached so badly on the inside, to witness him battling the demon of addiction that almost destroyed him, but it was incredibly fortifying to see him kicking said demon’s ass daily and coming out on top.
Gerard might have walls erected around his heart, but Joey Lynch’s walls were built from the blueprints of the Great Wall of China.
“Johnny, oh Johnny, yes,” he mimicked his sister’s voice. “I love it when you rub your big oval rugby balls all over my face.”
“Oh great,” Tadhg deadpanned “Fatty’s here.” “What did I tell you about calling me fat,” Gerard shot back, not missing a beat. “I’m big-boned, you little shit.”
“You’re not supposed to smell it, Gibs. You’re supposed to pour it on your groin and thighs.” “You don’t smell it?” “No, lad, I don’t smell my balls,”
“That’s because you don’t have a clue what to do with your own bollocks.” “That’s not what your mother says.” “Don’t even think about bringing my mother into this.”
“Tell you what, Joe. I’d rather be a Lynch than a bitch any day.”
“We don’t all bulldoze, Jonathan! And we don’t all mark our turf with a baby, Joseph.”
NOT THE FIRST NAMES
“I think she’s been grooming you, lad.”
“Gibs,” he snapped, leaning over the table. “That woman has been fucking around with you since we were fourth year.” Shaking his head, he bit out, “Since you were fifteen.”
“Is this your way of telling me you love me, Cap?” “Whatever floats your boat, Gibs.”
God only knew why but I had the strongest urge to make farm animal noises in this moment. Probably because I was epically nervous and had no clue how to navigate these unknown waters.
Sometimes, I wished I never started speaking to her after she got with my brother. At least that way, when they ended it would be over. But I felt horrible for thinking that way. Especially when the girl I’d grown up with from the age of five to thirteen had been so amazing. We had eight years of pure friendship before everything went to hell. I couldn’t erase that, and I didn’t want to.
Claire was my safe place.
“I don’t want Jamie Kelleher,” she whispered, shifting closer so that our chests were flush together. “I don’t want anyone else.”
“You okay, Gibs?” “I’m always okay, Cap.” “You sure?” “Yep.”
“I don’t know, lad. She seems like a good girl.” “Yeah, but that’s even better, lad, because good girls can be trained.”
WHAT
I wanted to maim something. Correction, I wanted to maim the bastard sitting behind me.
“Pretty much, lad. I’m going to take her on a few dates and get it out of the way so we can get to the fun part…”
“My da’s going to kill me.” Biting down on his fist to stifle a whimper, Johnny shook his head and walked off in the direction of his car, looking like he was close to passing out. All six foot five of him. “I’m a bleeding criminal.”
“Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining, Gussie.”
Claire once referred to Joey Lynch as the comeback kid, and I couldn’t think of a better definition.
“Although, if you really want to thank me, you could always make me AJ’s godfather.” His lips twitched in response. “Don’t push it.”
“Who the hell knows? Maybe it’s got something to do with that chemical imbalance in the brain like Anne is always harping on about. Or maybe I was dropped on the head as a baby,” I admitted, throwing my hands up. “It would certainly explain why I seem to have the self-control of a toddler in a sweet shop.”
“Are you wearing Barbie knickers?” “So not the point right now.”
“Yee-fucking-haw.”
“Well, congratulations because all you managed to do was make an already grieving mother’s life harder.”
“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” Lizzie spat out. “Good old gallant Gibsie taking another one for the team? Well, fuck you, asshole! I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction.”
“You’re a bitch,” I hissed, pushing Claire behind me. “Do you hear me? You are a fucking head case!”
“Well, I’d rather be a bitch than a rapist any day!” “I’m not a fucking rapist!” “Nah, you’re just related to one.”
“He is not my brother.” My entire body trembled and shook as I glared back at her. “That asshole is nothing to me. He’s not my blood. He’s not my brother. He’s not my goddamn anything, so don’t you dare keep throwing him in my face!”
“He killed my sister!” “Do you think you’re the only person to ever lose their sister?” I roared, throwing my hands up in frustration. “I lost my sister, too, Lizzie! I buried my sister and my father!” “They drowned,” she spat out. “Accidentally. It’s not the same thing. Nobody hurt them. Not like my sister or Shannon’s mam.” “Oh, I’m so fucking sorry my family didn’t die in more gruesome circumstances,” I choked out, trembling. “Shit, maybe Beth should have drifted into the motor of the boat after she drowned, at least then we’d have a little blood and gore for the sob story.”
“Mark Allen raped his girlfriend. His girlfriend who was my sister. He raped her, and then she killed herself because of it. Because she couldn’t live with what he did. And then he got to walk away and live his life while my sister’s defiled body rots in the ground.”
“Mark Allen!” I strangled out, eyes bulging. “He’s back in Ballylaggin.”
“Do you hear me? You keep your goddamn eyes off her!” “Or what?” the older man goaded. My brother narrowed his eyes in challenge. “Fuck around and find out, asshole.” “Relax, kid. I’m married now,” Mark spat out. “I have no intention of looking at your sister.” “I’m not talking about my sister,” Hugh roared, chest heaving. “This is your one and only warning, asshole.”
“I can’t help it, okay,” I huffed, flopping onto my back. “I’m used to cuddling Claire at night.” “And I’m used to cuddling Shannon.” Reaching behind his back, he retrieved a pillow and smacked me upside the head with it. “Not my fucking flanker.”
“Yeah, well, those Lynches are like breeding vessels, so if you think about it, this impromptu sleepover might have just saved your ass from joining Lynchy on his trip down early fatherhood lane.” “Hold up.” Johnny narrowed his eyes at me. “Did you just call my girlfriend a breeding vessel?”
