Taming 7 (Boys of Tommen, #5)

by Chloe Walsh

Moments before the pain in my lungs exploded and everything went dark, I saw it. A halo of light. An orb of pure sunshine. Her. I saw her. And that’s when I knew. That’s when I knew…

My daddy got Gerard out of the water. He jumped in and rescued him. With his suit and shoes on. And his socks. My daddy was a hero. That’s what the neighbors said.

“You’re my favorite person in the whole wide world, and I would swap everyone for you. Even Hugh.”

“When they said someone had been saved from the water. I prayed for it to be you.” He choked out a sob and turned to look at me. “You d-did?” I nodded. “I promised God I would do all the good things in the world if he brought you back.” I beamed at him. “And he listened.” “That wasn’t God, Claire,” he whispered, wiping his nose with his sleeve. “That was your dad.”

“I think they wanted your dad to save Bethany.” “I didn’t,” I admitted honestly. “I wanted to keep you most of all.”

“What about me?” he whispered as a lone tear trickled down his cheek. “Who’ll keep me safe?” “I will, silly,” I replied, releasing his hand so that I could give him a hug. “I’ll keep you safe, Gerard.”

“But your hugs feel like sunshine.” “Like sunshine?” I frowned in confusion. “How?” “Because you are sunshine, silly,”

“What’s the hots?” I asked them. “It’s when two people want to hold hands with each other and spend all of lunchtime playing together. Just the two of them,” Patrick explained. “But Hugh doesn’t go to the same school as Liz, so how can they have the hots for each other if they don’t play together at lunchtime?” “They do it at home instead,” Gerard offered. “Playing?” “Yep.” “But you play with Lizzie, too, Patrick,” I added. “So, does that mean you have the hots for her, too?” “I don’t know. Maybe sometimes,” he replied, looking distracted before quickly climbing to his feet.

“I mean it,” he urged, turning to look at me now. “I can’t lose another person I love.” “You love me?” He nodded sadly as another tear trickled down his cheek. “I love you most of all.”

“You know, Gerard, if you ever get super sad, I can be your sister, too. Hugh won’t mind sharing.” “You can’t be my sister, Claire.” “Why not?” “Because you can’t have the hots for your sister.”

“I don’t see anyone.” His lips tipped up in the smallest of smiles before he added, “Except for you.”

I had cold toes. Gerard’s were always warm. Except for last Saturday. His and Hugh’s First Holy Communion Day. The day our daddies took our families out on that big boat to celebrate. That day, Gerard was blue and cold all over.

Claire Biggs had a lot of things. My back. My attention. My heart. My soul. Yeah, she had all of me and that wasn’t an exaggeration.

She was the nicotine I couldn’t walk away from. The crutch I hadn’t learned to walk without.

Unlike Lizzie, I had found a way to cope, and grieve, and protect myself without tearing strips out of others. Why be fucked-up Gerard when I could be Gibsie the fuckup? It couldn’t hurt when I was Gibsie, because Gibsie was my armor, and humor was my sword. I didn’t think too much about the words that came out of my mouth. I usually said whatever was on my mind at the time, and that formed the person I had become in the minds of my friends. I was naturally self-deprecating, never purposefully cruel, and my attitude made people laugh.

Nothing I said was for venomous or boasting purposes. It was for sheer protection. It was my safety net. Because I had an acute need to protect myself and I didn’t know how else to do that in a world where everyone aside from me seemed to have their shit together.

If I could sew this girl to my skin without causing her an ounce of harm, then I would do it in a heartbeat. That’s how vital she was to my life. How essential she was to my existence. If drugs were to Joey Lynch what Claire Biggs was to me, then there was no amount of rehab that could sway me to kick the habit. Because she was the habit of my lifetime.

In a weird way, that’s why I helped Aoife Molloy all those months ago. I would have helped her anyway, but the utter helplessness I saw in her eyes that night as she stared down the gun of love and pain, I knew there was something in her that I could relate to. I knew what it felt like to be that helpless, and I never wanted anyone to experience it.

From as far back as I could remember, my mind had always been very clear about three things. One: Hugh was my brother. Two: Bethany was my sister. Three: Claire was mine.

Claire meant it when she told me that she loved me. That was the first of two things in life I was sure of, and I meant it right back. That was the second thing I was sure of. If I knew nothing else in this world, then I knew that I loved Claire Biggs.

And there it was. His mask. The divide that separated the sensitive boy I adored from the humorous one all our other friends enjoyed. It slipped effortlessly into place. Gibsie belonged to the rest of the world. Gerard belonged just to me.

“Bella’s a… What’s the word those girls in pink use in the film, babe?” Gerard asked, twirling a finger around aimlessly. “An ugly clit?”

“Fine. I need to go check on your nephew anyway.” “He’s not my nephew, you freak. He’s a hedgehog in hibernation in your mam’s hot press because you and my sister have issues with taking in strays.”

“My point is that you’re not damaged,” he urged, tone laced with sincerity. “And I don’t want that to change.” “And you think it will?” I pushed, folding my arms across my chest. “If I get too close to Gerard?” “I’m afraid of what could happen if he gives in and it gets too deep and goes too far,” he admitted, brown eyes locked on mine. “I’m afraid of the aftermath, Claire.”

“Can you check it for me?” he asked, grimacing in discomfort. “And not in a ‘I’m trying to get you to put it in your mouth’ kind of way,” he hurried to add. “More of a ‘I really fucking love my dick and I don’t want to get sepsis like Kav’ kind of way?”

When the line went dead, I stood there for a long time with the receiver in my hand, just staring out my bedroom window. The sky was blue outside. The birds were out. The sun was shining. It was another blissful morning. And I wanted to scream.

Hugh and Lizzie’s fractured relationship was one that was stored in the memory vault labeled Never bring up again for the good of our friendship circle.

Even though they’d been together since primary school, the breakup didn’t seem to affect Lizzie too deeply because she started seeing someone else within days of them calling it off. Hugh, on the other hand, spent several months moping around the house like a dark cloud until he collided with Katie in the hallways of Tommen and the sun started shining for him again.

Deep down inside, I knew the reason Hugh tried to keep me away from Gerard was because he was projecting his own experience on me. When my brother said that he was afraid of me getting hurt, what he really meant was that he didn’t want me to get hurt like he had.

“It’s all good, though. Some of the best things in life aren’t meant to last forever. That’s why we cherish them when they happen. Like your favorite chocolate in a box. Or shooting stars. We don’t refuse to eat the sweet because once we do, it’ll be gone, or stop looking at the stars after one shoots by. We enjoy the moment because we know it’s worth living in.”

Patrick Feely, for example. He was quiet and closed off, but that’s because you didn’t know Patrick until you knew Patrick. He didn’t suffer fools. He didn’t bend or break or submit to peer pressure. He wasn’t trying to fit in with anyone. If that made him uncool to our peers, it meant little to nothing to him.

Gerard was bristling with a mischievous sort of energy that emanated from him in waves. It was as enticing as it was addictive. He was the type of boy you wanted to spend all your time with, regardless of the consequences because it was instant, delayed, and prolonged gratification combined. He had darkness in his life and so much pain, but he kept the most beautiful sunny disposition about him. It was incredibly humbling to be around the boy. To know all he had endured in his short life and that he still woke up with a smile on his face in the morning.

together. It wasn’t as blasé as saying the boys and the girls. That wasn’t it. It wasn’t gender-based. It was a matter of souls connecting. From Katie and Hugh to Shannon and Johnny, to Lizzie and Patrick, to me and Gerard, there was an invisible string that connected all of us.

Seeing his best friends outnumbered three to two, Patrick Feely rewrapped his sandwich in tinfoil before rising to his feet. “Fuck my life,” he muttered before joining the rumble on the floor. “Someone find Johnny.”

Too sensible to jump into the action, but too pumped to do nothing, I discreetly stamped on Robbie Mac’s hand when he rolled close to where I was standing. Ha. Served him right for calling me a cocktease.

“I don’t have good dreams when I sleep,” I offered cautiously, trying to choose the right words, something that didn’t come easily to me. “But whenever I daydream, you’re the star of the show.”

As for Joey? He’s a force to be reckoned with. I’ve never seen a more resilient human in my life. Yeah, he’ll always be an addict, but he’s got a family in there worth staying sober for. A girl and a baby that not only would he fight to the death for, but that he also wants to live for. So, fuck guarantees and don’t bet against him. He’ll forge an epic future for Aoife and AJ, just like he forged a future for his siblings.”

I guess that’s what true love was, though. It wasn’t perfect. It didn’t come in the perfect gift-wrapped box. It was messy and raw and pushed you to your absolute limits.

“You know, I think I’d love a daughter.” He scratched his jaw as he spoke. “I’d be delighted with sons, too, of course, but I’d love to raise a little girl with Shan.” Shrugging, he added, “You know, show her how different it should’ve been for her.”

“And Katie and I started going out when I was in fourth year,” Hugh offered, holding a hand up. “Not since forever.” “No, no, no,” Johnny argued. “I specifically remember you being obsessed with that girl back in second year.” He tapped his temple. “I know because you were always missing out on training when we were younger to go chasing after her.” “Wrong girl, Cap,” Feely muttered, rubbing his brow.

“Ignore her,” Lizzie growled, and then forcefully kicked me under the table. “She didn’t take her meds this morning.” “Actually, I did,” I shot back, and then added, “I take a daily multivitamin,” for clarification. “Pity it wasn’t Valium,” Lizzie grumbled. “Or a very strong tranquilizer.”

I missed my dad to the point where it was hard to breathe sometimes, and I often felt like I was still in the water with him. At night, I thought a lot about how his hand felt the last time it had touched mine. His grip. His touch. The cold. The slippery feeling as he let go and I was forced to the surface. That was it. He went under and I went up. It wasn’t fair. He was a better person than I could ever be.

“Morning, Lynch family. How’s my favorite sibling trio?” I chirped with a grin. Digging Tadhg’s side with my elbow, I winked at him. “How’s your day going, troublemaker?” Tadhg grinned back at me. “A lot better for seeing you, blondie.”

“Oh, please,” Tadhg snorted. “Like you’re in any position to judge me.” “It’s because of my position I can judge you,” Joey countered evenly. “Don’t be me, kid. Be better.”

“He clearly gets it from his mam,” Lizzie drawled. “Clearly.” A faint smile teased Joey’s lips, but it was almost impossible to see because he had the ultimate poker face. He didn’t show emotion. He didn’t divulge information, either. Gerard might have walls erected around his heart, but Joey Lynch’s walls were built from the blueprints of the Great Wall of China. Regardless, he seemed to have a strange camaraderie with our angsty friend. They probably bonded over their mutual hatred of all things human.

“Oh, shush you,” Shannon scolded. “I could say the same to you,” Tadhg clapped back with a scowl. “All I fucking hear these days is your voice.” “Tadhg.” “Johnny, oh Johnny, yes,” he mimicked his sister’s voice. “I love it when you rub your big oval rugby balls all over my face.” “Tadhg!”

“in my humble opinion, it’s a lot easier to believe in God when you haven’t been faced with a reason not to.”

“You sure about that, Joe?” Tadhg teased. “He might turn out like me.” “Wouldn’t be the worst thing,” Joey replied breezily. “You were a dream to toilet train.” Tadhg’s face turned bright red. “You did not fucking say that in company.”

“Oh great,” Tadhg deadpanned “Fatty’s here.” “What did I tell you about calling me fat,” Gerard shot back, not missing a beat. “I’m big-boned, you little shit.”

“I complained about my genitals one time, Patrick,” Gerard huffed. “I didn’t make a big hullabaloo out of it like a certain captain we all know.” “True that.”