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“If you call me your ‘boy bestie’ again, I’ll have you committed.”
“Go get your girl, Gibs!”
“I’m not yours.” “Well, I’m yours,” he came right back with. “I’m yours, Claire.”
“Yeah, well now I’m choosing not to,” he shouted at the top of his lungs. “I’ll give you my weekends, Claire. I’ll give you my weekdays, too. Whatever you want. Cinemas. Restaurants. Date nights. It’s yours. Just promise me you won’t go out with him again.”
“I’ve developed a hernia from the weight it’s taking me to give a fuck!”
“Enough to know that he wants in your knickers.” “Well, at least someone does!”
“Stop it, Gerard!” I snapped. “Stop playing with my heart. I can’t take it. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, because breaking my heart by accident is one thing but doing it on purpose is another thing entirely, and I don’t think I could come back from it.”
“Who’s playing?” he demanded. “I fucking love you, Claire Biggs.”
“From you, because you just hit me with the feels train, okay?” “The feels train?” “Yes, the feels train, you big dick!” “Well, choo-choo,”
“You know I love you.” He pressed me deep into the mattress with his big body, lips moving against mine when he bit out the words, “There’s only ever been you for me.”
“I was seven years old when you first raped me!” I said louder, refusing to be silenced a second longer by my fear of this man. “I was eleven years old when you finally stopped!”
I just YELLED "WHAT THE FUCK"
“You took four years of my childhood from me, and I’ve been living in a prison in my mind every damn day of my life since. So, if you don’t want to risk spending the next seventeen years of your life behind bars, you’ll get on a plane and never come back!”
“I killed Gerard with my hymen, Daddy!” I wailed, throwing the bloodstained duvet at his feet. “Here’s the murder weapon for the Gardaí when they come to arrest me!”
I almost dropped my pussy with fright.
Instead, he continued to stare at me like he was seeing a stranger instead of the person he’d spent his whole life adoring. Instead of seeing me.
“You hurt me,” he strangled out, chest heaving. “You broke me, Claire.” Pain. It devoured me whole.
“I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” “You don’t mean that.” “Yeah, I do.” Tears trickled down his cheeks as he cried. “I’m not your boyfriend, Claire Biggs, and I’m not your friend.” “Gerard!”
I waited until my door was closed before checking myself over and pulling my Power Rangers pajamas bottoms into place, shuddering when my hand emerged with the familiar sight of blood…
“That’s right.” He was crying hard now, and I think I was, too, but I felt so safe with him that I didn’t fight the noises and words and sounds that poured out of me. Instead, for the first time since my father died, I let it all out.
“Love isn’t a tap, Claire,”
“It doesn’t turn off that easily.”
“That wasn’t your letter to read, Claire.” “No, it wasn’t,” I agreed shakily. “But it also wasn’t your burden to carry alone, Gerard.”
“I love you,” he whispered, lips trailing from my cheek to the curve of my neck. “It’s always been you, Claire-Bear.”
this: I might not know who I was or where I fit in the world, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I didn’t want any of it without Claire Biggs.
After all, taming 7 had been the adventure of my lifetime.
