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April 20 - April 20, 2024
“I gave up peanut butter for him!” I say, panic creeping into my words. “Why do I feel like of the things you just named, that’s what you’re most upset about?” “Because it’s upsetting! Years without the peanut butter Christmas trees? Or eggs? Or pumpkins? Do you know how depressing that is?”
She’s in her healed girlie era and we love that for her. I just personally am not there and more in my Reputation era.
I smile. That’s my fucking girl, I think. Wow, where the fuck did that come from? She is so very much not my girl by any stretch of the imagination.
I lean in even though I shouldn’t. I use a hand on her chin to tilt it my way, even though I shouldn’t. I brush my hand down her neck, using it to push her hair over her shoulder, even though I shouldn’t. And I lean my forehead against hers, even though I absolutely shouldn’t. I’m in such dangerous territory, playing with fire. Let me burn.
And even though I’ve loved watching this more confident, zero fucks given menace of hers come out, I know I am so totally fucked.
“Kissing you might be my downfall, Olivia, but I’m going to be doing it anyway. If I’m going to hell, might as well taste heaven along the way.”
“Fuck it.”
It feels like some part of my life, my future, my joy, and my happiness all depend on this kiss. It’s life-changing, the kind of thing you look back on and say, Yes, that was the moment things changed.