The Darkest Corner of the Heart (The Brightest Light #2)

by Lisina Coney

One moment I’m trapped inside my head, counting my blessings so I don’t get lost in my nightmares.

I cry for the little girl who wanted nothing but to believe something in her life would last, something she could build and cultivate for herself.

I can’t believe I was about to call it a night right here, at ten in the morning.

Me everyday

All this nothingness feels oddly comforting.

Clearly? Clearly? Oh, he’s going there. All right. I bite my tongue, forcing the verbal lashing to die down my throat, and say nothing. I’ve lost the battle. It was never a fair match in the first place.

She is me for real having to bite my tongue in situations

I’m not in the mood to do anything but go home and binge-watch The Office for eight hours straight so I can get some much-needed serotonin in my body.

Someone to just…be here. To listen and then act like I didn’t say a thing.

What do I have to lose? More of my sanity? I don’t have much to spare.

“Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes people have to show you that you matter, and you do.

I’m not doing myself or my loved ones any favors by making this cloud over my head even heavier. Because, when it finally pours down on me, I’ll drown.

Well, if this isn't exactly what I needed to read

my head goes back to its favorite pastime—overthinking.

Eating is the perfect excuse for not talking.

I only felt angry at the world and sorry for myself. A killer combination if you ask me.

I shouldn’t be surprised something else in my life is going downhill so fast, but here we are.

The feeling of wanting to open up, to tell someone what’s been infesting your heart for so long, but not being physically able to get the words out.

The helplessness that comes with that invisible string made of insecurities, forcing you to stay quiet, to make the pain stay locked until only darkness remains.

I’m not above violence in this particular case.

“How are you real?”

I am always asking nick this question

I find her already looking at my profile

Hate that i live in the digital age because why did i think she was stalking his socials?

Because you always ruin things. Because you only talk about yourself and put the weight of your problems on other people’s shoulders, and they get tired and leave.

“Everyone does, eventually. Just… Just don’t do it in a cruel way. Please.”

It’s at this moment it dawns on me that, no matter how many promises I make or words of reassurance I give her, it will never be enough. And I understand. She’s been burned too many times to put her blind trust in someone again.

She doesn’t trust words or promises that look full but might be drained.

I recognize the pain of someone you thought would always be there, walking away. Better than most people, I do.

As our eyes collide, something between us sparkles to life. A feeling I don’t want to awaken; something we shouldn’t poke. And yet it roars to life with the force of a thousand fires.

I’m tired. Exhausted, really, of always wondering when the next person I love will leave.

the seed of self-doubt and contempt has grown into the tallest of trees, and I can’t root it out.

When people fuck up, they don’t automatically deserve to be forgiven just because they have apologized or feel bad about it. The damage is done, and we have the freedom to decide whether that spot they’ve left vacant in our life can fit them again.

“There are people in my life that I hate,

“That I loathe with every fiber of my being, but I can’t stand the thought of their death. It’s confusing and it’s frustrating, but I promise what you’re feeling is normal. It only shows you have a big heart with room for everyone, even those who never deserved it.”

I’m tired of being on edge all the time, on the lookout for the next person who will walk away from me. Because this is the thing—people have already done it.

For the first time in twenty-one years, I feel like I’m exactly who and where I’m supposed to be.

I don’t regret my past, the things I’ve said and done, because every significant and seemingly insignificant decision led me to the happiest, fullest version of myself.