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Momma knows I love it when she calls me that 'cause Belle is my most favorite Disney princess. I love her the mostest 'cause she lives locked away in a castle in the great big scary forest, just like me. And 'cause she loves the beast like I love my Daddy. She’s the only one who does, and that breaks the curse and turns him back into a handsome prince. Sometimes, at night, I wait until Momma is sleeping and I go to the window and look and see if I can see the wishing star, super bright. And when it’s there, I make a wish that my love for Daddy will take away the beast parts and turn him back
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:(((((( what the fuck
And in my dreams, when my body dies, the blackness finally comes and I smile 'cause it’s better in the blackness 'cause the bad man can’t reach me there.
then I cry 'cause there’s nothing else I can do but that. I’m too little. I’m not a big girl. I’m just a me. And I’m alone.
I knew that we were safe 'cause Daddy wasn’t here, and for the first time in my whole long life I knewed that for really reals, and even though that made my heart as sad as a heart could ever get, I didn’t care no more. Daddy really was the bad man. He really really was.
Daddy likes the orange juice so we always only get a little tiny bit, but I don’t care 'cause I hate Daddy now, even though parts of me says that’s not true. Maybe I’m the liar, but I don’t care 'cause I hate me, too. I should have knowed that Momma was telling the truth. I should have let her tell me all the truths.
“Daddies aren’t supposed to be scary, Mella. They’re not. Can you at least see that?” she asks, but Daddy’s always been scary and it’s the bad man, right? Not him. But then I remember that he is the bad man. He is, and I start to cry and nod my head.
The crashing into isn’t like a bang or cracking sound like it is when Daddy hi-, when he hits Momma or when I run into the wall. It’s the whooshing sound I hear. And I’m glad. I’m happy it makes a different noise, ‘cause it’s kinda pretty and I like that. I like it when pretty things don’t make the sounds that remind me of the scary stuff. The stuff with the bad man.
