Hate Mail

by Donna Marchetti

I’m sorry to hear that your parents are brother and sister. I’ve heard that incest can cause a lot of birth defects, which explains why you turned out the way you did.

thats so funny omg

Also, you probably shouldn’t lay out on the beach, because someone might mistake you for a whale.

LMFAOOOOOO

“He’s married.” I realize that I’ve never said it out loud before.

wait wht

“Right. And before I get arrested.” He raises an eyebrow, making me realize maybe I was the only one thinking about undressing in the middle of the aquarium. “Why would you⁠—” “Do you have penguins here?” I interrupt. “Let’s go see the penguins.”

Regardless, the people in Oklahoma are only nice to each other because they’re afraid of being shunned at the next family reunion.

“We have a reservation under the name⁠—” “Naomi Light!” the waitress says, interrupting him

bro’s name is not jake

“Tell me about your family,” I say. “How many siblings do you have?” “Three,” he says. “Twin sisters and a brother.”

well well well

I got a call from an old friend the other day. If you go to Georgia again, tell Maxwell I said hi. Who knew you would go that far to find me? You must like me too, or something. Love, Luca

Speaking of that offer, is it still valid? Because I’d like to come hide away with you if you’ll have me. Just say the word and I’m yours. Love, Luca

think anyone who reads them would know that I’m in love with you. Love, Luca

Dear Luca, How can you say that you’re in love with me when we’ve never even met? If that’s how you think you feel, you should have told me a lot sooner. It’s too late now. Love, Naomi

Dear Naomi, It’s not too late. Love, Luca

I let out a desperate laugh. “I can’t have feelings for two guys at the same time.”

lucky for you they’re the same fucking person

Joel Pichler

like the security guy ?????

“And you are?” He laughs and lets go of her hand. “Very funny.” I frown at her and mouth, “Why are you being weird?”

even anne fucking knows. naomi you idiot it’s so obvious

“Oh, yeah. When they’re not wrestling, they’re making out with each other. It’s a little weird considering they’re brother and sister.”

HIS FIRST LETTER

“He’s my son,” he says.

noooooo fucking shit

“Did you read any of them?” I ask. “Where is he?”

omg he’s jake u idiot 😭😭😭

“I don’t know what Luca might have told you about me, but it’s none of your business who I date. I’m seeing Jake and it’s pretty serious. You can tell Luca that. I don’t care.”

girl…….

“His name is Jake,” I say with a roll of my eyes.

are u SURE??????

“Mr. Pickles and, uh…” She hesitates, looking up at me for help. “Jake,” I supply.

you’re SURE?????

Dear Luca, Come hide away with me. Love, Naomi

“How am I supposed to believe anything you’re saying when you’ve been lying to me since the beginning?”

omg ???????? naomi wtf

“You said my name while we were having sex. I think you knew that it was me.”

it might seem crazy what i’m about to say

“Maybe if you were better in bed, I wouldn’t have had to do that.”

well well well

“Do you really think you’re the only one who’s hurting over this? I fell in love with you, and I lost you.”

“I fell so hard for you that I couldn’t even enjoy anyone else’s company, because I had already decided that you were the one.

Love, Your Husband