Unravel Me (Playing For Keeps, #3)

by Becka Mack

“You owe me. You’re dropping him off three-and-a-half hours early, so you owe me those hours back.”

I NEED HIM PUNCHED

I’m also about two minutes from snapping and punching my son’s father square in his tiny, useless dick.

DO IT

But I make it to a bench before I fall apart.

My heart hurts for her

You can call me whatever you want as long as your eyes are rolling back into your head while you do it.

“That was the last time I was anyone’s first choice.”

My world isn’t right without her laughter.

“I’ve wanted to belong to someone for a long time. So long, I’m not sure my brain will let me believe it now.” “I’m a patient man. I don’t mind needing to prove it to you every day.”

“No one has ever loved me enough to make me their first choice.”

“I want you, Rosie. I want all of you. And there is no other choice.”

SPLITTING HER IN HALF, BUT POLITELY

“I am feeling vulnerable, but not in a bad way. I feel safe, Adam, and it’s freeing. Tonight made me feel closer to you.

“Careful. Serve a girl hot fudge sundaes in bed, and she just might fall in love with you.”

“Feet flat on the bed. Let me see how wet that pussy is, gorgeous girl. Show me you’re ready for me.”

“You’re not my first choice, Rosie. You’re the only goddamn option.”

“I don’t know how I found you, but I don’t want to waste my time wondering. I can’t believe I just stumbled on you on a normal day, that you walked into my life and didn’t turn around and walk right back out. I don’t want to know how or why I got so lucky; I just want to accept that I did and never question it.

“Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I’ll put you on your hands and knees, bury myself inside you and fuck you from behind until the only word you remember is my name, and you can feel me even when we’re not together.”

“I’m weak for you—so fucking weak—but the bedroom is the last place you’ll see it.”

“I like you weak for me,”

“I’m weak for you, too, except, somehow, I feel so much stronger with you.”

“Thank you for building me up, for making me feel safe enough to be myself, for being the type of man I’m so proud to have my son look up to. Thank you...

“I’m in love with Rosie.”

“I was just…scared. Fucking terrified. Being Adam Lockwood, NHL goalie, has brought me nothing but trouble. I just wanted to be me. And that’s all I was to Rosie. I’ve never had to worry about her wanting me for anything other than me. Never had to worry about her lying to make me like her. It was easy. Fuck, it was just…nice.”

I got dicked so hard I feel it in my brain.

And then suddenly, Adam grins, crooking his finger at me. “Get over here, trouble, and gimme your mouth.”

I need to hug her. I need to feel her, need her to feel me. To feel how sorry I am, how deeply I care about her. How I’m not fucking going anywhere, because she’s been the one since she walked into my life. If I can just hug her, she’ll know. I’ll squeeze all of it into her, all the love I have.

For a moment, I stay stooped there on the floor, trying to shove away the startling feeling clawing at my chest. It matches my arms: fucking empty.

Panic bubbles, and the world around me slows to a crawl. “You’re breaking up with me?”

“I don’t want to go back to before. To without you. I don’t want to forget what it feels like, being a family with you.” Something breaks inside me, if anything was still whole. It crawls up my throat, clawing its way out, shattering my next plea as a tear drips from my eye. “Please, Rosie. I can’t let you go. I won’t.”

They’re so small, so warm, so fucking perfect, and I’m terrified it’ll be the last time I hold them.

“I don’t think my forever exists without you somewhere inside it.”

All the horrible insecurities I’ve spent years fighting try to claw through my mind, and at the forefront is that I’ve never been anyone’s first choice. That not a single person has looked at me and seen the possibility of forever, a certain permanence that comes with a chosen family, an unconditional love I’ve spent my life chasing.

Because Stardust Lane? That’s the name of the street I grew up on. The last time I was home with my parents.

“I want to be someone he’s proud to be with, but instead, it feels sort of like I was his dirty secret rather than his first choice.”

“You were never his dirty secret, Rosie. You’re his world, and I’m pretty sure it’s stopped spinning since you’ve been gone.”

“Of all the terrible things Courtney has done, the worst by far is breaking you down to the point of believing you—exactly as you are—are unworthy of someone’s love.”

“What if I can’t give her everything she’s spent her life searching for?” I whisper. “I can’t be a partner who’s at her side every day when I travel as much as I do. I’ll miss birthdays and anniversaries, and I won’t be holding her hand through some of her toughest moments. How can I be the partner she deserves? The family she and Connor need?” I shake my head as the truth grips my throat. “I can’t be.”

But the truth is…hockey is a part of me. It’s made me everything I am today, both the good and the bad. I’m loyal and supportive because I know how to be part of a team. I’m empathetic because I know what it feels like to lose, to put so much pressure on myself to succeed, and I know what it’s like to have people support me every step of the way when I don’t think I deserve it. I love as hard as I do because people have loved me just as hard back. And because people have broken me, and I never, ever want to be like them.

I can’t face the possibility of giving Rosie everything, because everything has never been enough.

I want her pain, her worries, her trust. I want her to give up control, give it all to me. I’ll take care of her.

Tell you I love you and I’ve hated every single minute apart from you?

“Because I wanted you to feel like you were home if you decided to come back to me.”

Rosie, having you choose me…it fixed something inside me. For the first time in a long time, I felt worthy.”

“I don’t need perfect. I need the mess, the chaos, all your fears and your insecurities. I’ve given you mine, and you’ve walked me through all of them. Let me walk with you through your chaos.”

Now I want to grow with somebody else.” Hope sparks in his eyes, and I swear his body comes alive. “With me?” “With you, Adam.”

“I’m gonna marry you someday, after all. Batman always gets the girl.”

Lean on me today.”

“It’s my DILF hat.” “I can read, Carter. I know what your hat says. And why do you need a DILF hat when you’re already wearing your DILF shirt?” “To really drive home the point.”

when you drove out of that parking lot with my son, I felt calm. I knew he would be safe with you, Adam.”

“Every day, you give me something new to love about you. How lucky am I to find someone who gives me so many things to be thankful for?”

I get so lost in my thoughts, Adam. Sometimes it feels like they eat me alive.”