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“I see you. I’ve seen the heart of you since last semester, in the quiet moments here.” Her voice was so quiet, but it sent goosebumps throughout Gianna’s body, as she let herself get lost in the weight of Riley’s hand over her chest.
“You kissed me,” Gianna repeated from minutes ago, this time soft. Her fingers went to her lips, like before, but instead of her whole hand covering her mouth, it was just her fingertips. Just her fingertips, shaking slightly, as they pressed against her bottom lip.
Because if there was a certainty Riley just knew, it was that if Gianna ever called, she would answer. If Gianna needed her, she’d be here. Even if she didn’t ask.
She felt like she’d been given new eyes, almost. Even though she’d always had 20/20 vision, she felt like she’d now received corrective surgery. Like she was seeing the world freshly. Only it wasn’t the world; it was just her world.
She appreciated beautiful people, and the Beckett sisters were double the beauty in this world. Gianna thought that even more now than she did last semester, and she’d thought Riley was beautiful, then, too.
She blinked her eyes open, finding Gianna smiling down at her. It was a smile she liked, not that there was one she disliked. But out of them all – a blinding smile for something funny, a polite smile for fans, a teasing smile, a rare shy smile to name a few – this one was just, soft. Sweet. Quietly beautiful.
Somehow, bringing their attraction to the surface instead of trying to act like it wasn’t there, seemed like it hit a reset inside of Riley. There was something very… peaceful, she decided was the right word, about this.
None of them had reached out to her after she’d kicked them out of her room over winter break, and now she had Riley, and she knew what it felt like to have a real friend. What it felt like, to have Riley.
She smiled – so fucking sweetly, and Gianna loved it. She loved that smile. She was concentrating on it, when Riley reached down and linked their fingers together. It was a hold Gianna quite liked, and she squeezed Riley’s hand in her own. Solid. Steady. Consistent. Soft. Real. Riley.
“Have a good night, carina.” Riley’s stomach, admittedly, fluttered at the name. Just a little.
And Riley loved it. She loved that there was no world-shifting. Everything slotted easily into place between them. They were still them.
Riley had slotted into her life, in a spot that felt precious, in a spot no one had ever filled before.
Just friends… was so very not what she and Gianna were. First and foremost, there was no just about their friendship; it meant the world to Riley. It was precious to her. Secondly – and most alarmingly in this moment – she found herself unable to get over the word friend. While it wasn’t a bad word at all – she loved Gianna’s friendship – it felt… minimizing, almost.
“Yeah, it’s uncommon, but that’s what it is. Intensely platonic.” She told herself that the words didn’t taste like a lie.
And when she was with Gianna, she felt like she didn’t need the rest of the world. She didn’t need to confide in anyone else, because Gianna was right there with her, which meant everything was okay.
“It’s like… Joel, it’s one thing to see it, to see Gianna being charming and beautiful, but it’s like you’re being let into this entire other world when you get to feel it.”
Because it feels – it feels inescapable. She feels inevitable.”
It was so easy, with Gianna. Terrifyingly easy.
She looks at you like you could go on a killing spree and she’d be like, good job, babe, they deserved it! I’ll call my lawyer!”
Last year, I made a friend – Riley, she’s also my roommate – who told me I should just tell you, about me. The me that I am, now.
Riley says that she thinks I have a good heart, and I’m not entirely sure about that, yet, but I’d like to believe she’s right. I’m trying to live my life like she’s right.
I appreciate your Riley. Keep her around; she seems like a good one. Love, Mummo
Riley was positive that no one had ever thought of Gianna as an alternative option. She was increasingly becoming alarmingly convinced that Gianna was the option, and that everyone else would only ever be an alternative.
And it always hurt Riley when Gianna was hurting. When she broke down in tears and leaned into Riley, like the strength she was made of needed to take a break and she was trusting Riley to be the one to hold her up.
“Because I love you too much,” Gianna’s words were promise, confession, and apology all in one simple, devastating, beautiful blow.
She didn’t know if what she was feeling right now even was heartbreak. All she knew – what she’d been coping with since early this afternoon – was that she was so emotionally entangled with Gianna no-middle-name Mäkinen and she had no idea how she could ever not be.
The question was, what was she supposed to do when the person she loved so much also became the person she just might be in love with? When both of those things were so intertwined? When Riley had been shown a new color, and now she couldn’t un-see it?
*
There was no “better place” in her life, without Gianna. Riley’s life wasn’t even complete without Gianna.
“But… I loved her,” Ellie explained, the simple and beautiful truth. “So even though it hurt, I had to figure it out. It was in the small things. Playing pool together or getting coffee. The little things that I could piece together, that reminded me even when everything ached, that life still felt better with Mia than it ever did without her.”
Even if Gianna wasn’t in love with her, she loved Riley. And right now, in this moment, it was enough to give her solace.
And I love that about you.”
“I just… I wanted as much of you as I could have, before it was over.”
You changed me, fundamentally. You make me better. Having you by my side is the best part of my life.”
Gianna’s voice was so reverent, like it – like Riley – was salvation itself.
“If you think Riley is so perfect, why don’t you date her?” “Maybe I should,” she shot back, still simmering, but agreeing with that sentiment with her whole fucking heart.
“Do you think I will ever find someone who knows me, understands me, laughs with me, wants me, loves me, the way you do?”
“Are you asking me on a date?” “Why do you sound so surprised?” Gianna shot back, gesturing between them as she laughed. “What did you think was going to happen, now?”
Gianna only stared at Riley for a few moments, before she admitted, “I didn’t want to date anyone else.”
*
Gianna Mäkinen had a date with Riley Beckett.
Mummo – 3:14AM Riley on rakastunut sinua! Kuuntelin esitystä. Voi, kulta, olet odottanut niin kauan. Riley is in love with you. I listened to the show. Oh, darling, you’ve waited so long.
Her love for Riley was always lurking. It was a constant presence, beating alongside her heart, but Gianna rarely felt it as acutely and sharply as she did the night she’d heard Ellie’s confession to Mia.
“Uh… if you break her heart, I know thousands of chemical compounds that are lethal to human beings, several of which are untraceable.”
“But, I know mostly that I wouldn’t have to do it because you love Riley too much. And she loves you, too. So it’s all going to be just fine.”
Gianna smiled at her, endeared and calmed, a little. “You’re a secret softie, Ellie Beckett.” Ellie’s cheeks blushed profusely as she shook her head. Still, she paused before she turned toward the door. “I’m really happy for you.”
“Riley, carina, you were never a possibility,” she said, helplessly, as she gently slid her hands from Riley’s jaw.
“Because I would have rather experienced everything with you, than to never know,” the confession left Gianna before she could even think about her wording.
“Is that what you want to be? My partner?” “Yes,” the answer was fast and certain, and Gianna stared down at Riley in question. “I mean, is that not the general idea you’ve gotten, after all of this?”
Riley didn’t hug her tighter at that, instead, she pulled back, and stared up at Gianna’s face, baffled. “We’re never ending,” she swore, a promise ringing through her words. Gianna wrapped herself up in that promise. “Never ending,” she repeated.
“You and I… we’re never ending,” Gianna murmured, under her breath, imperceptible to the dozens of people watching them. Riley’s eyes glinted back brightly into hers. “Never ending,” she confirmed, as she slid the ring onto Gianna’s finger.
