Erasure

by Percival Everett

That’s Tamika Jones. Tamika Jones actually has two children. The little boy with her today is named Mystery.” “Mystery?” “That’s right. And her daughter’s name is Fantasy.” “Mystery and Fantasy.” “Named after their fathers. One was a mystery and the other a fantasy.” “You’re kidding me.” “I wish.” “I make up shit for a living and I couldn’t have come up with that.”

When traveling, it is best to eat without regard to health or one might not eat at all.

It’s okay to say you’re pro-choice, just as long as you don’t say you’re for abortion.

I start countin the babies I’m gone make and I start thinkin up names for them babies. Their names gone be Avaricia, Baniqua, Clitoria, Dashone, Equisha, Fantasy, Galinique, Hobitcha, I’youme, Jamika, Klauss, Latishanique, Mystery, Niggerina, Oprah, Pastischa, Quiquisha, R’nee’nee, Suckina, Titfunny, Uniqua, Vaselino, Wuzziness, Yolandinique and Zookie.

I walks another six blocks after I get off the bus. I guess rich folk don’t like buses comin too close to they houses. Maybe it the fumes they don’t like. Maybe it’s guys like me.

“Straight or with some kind of qualification? Do you want me to tell them it’s a parody?” “Send it straight,” I said. “If they can’t see it’s a parody, fuck them.”

“But selling it would give you some cash. You could get three-four hundred thousand for that house.

IF ONLY

I couldn’t bring myself to accept the slave wages over at American to teach a survey course to kids who didn’t care a hill of beans about Melville, Twain or Hurston.

What do you call two black men trying to get a cab in Washington, D.C.? Pedestrians.

“What are you, rich or something?” “No, we’re not rich.” “I’m an electrician’s helper. What do you do?” “I’m a novelist.” I read the blank expression on his face. “And a professor. Actually, I’m on leave right this year.” “On leave. And they’re paying you?” “Well, no.” “So, you’re telling me you’re not working and it doesn’t matter. That makes you rich in my book.

The energy and savagery of the common black is so refreshing in the story.”