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I licked it so it’s mine. Smiling a little, I toss the picture back into the box and gently set the lid on top. “Too bad, little sister,” I whisper. “He’s mine now.”
“If you even try to make me jealous tonight, I’ll fuck you so hard and for so long, you’ll never want dick again by the time I’m done with you.” “I’m not gonna try to make you jealous.” His arms come around my neck, his breath tickling my jaw. “I’m not trying to make you mad, Nate. I just wanted to look good for you.” My groan slips free, and I grab his hips, rubbing myself on him to show him how hard he’s making me. “You look so good, baby,” I rasp, cupping his face to study the eyeliner he’s wearing. “So pretty.”
“I want to mean something to you,” I admit. “Anything. I want you to remember me after you decide you’re done with me and kick me out of your life for good. I wanna ruin you so bad that it’s me you’ll think about every time you’re fucking the person you really wanna be with.”
“You think it’s easy for him to ignore you like this?” He kneels up on the edge to level with me, snatching my wrists when I try to back away. “You think he likes pushing you away when all he wants is to keep you at his side?”
“He’s fallen for you, you idiot,” he says slowly, rolling his eyes when I widen mine a fraction. “Don’t say that.”
“Baby, he’s balls deep in love with you and he hates you for it. That’s why he’s treating you like shit. That’s probably why he’s always treated you like shit.”
“I don’t have to be drunk to wanna spend time with you.” He sighs. “It happens when I’m sober too.” “Told you,” Carter calls, then lets out a choking sound. From the way the water keeps splashing over the side, I think Nate’s drowning him repeatedly,
“Wanna know what I think?” she asks, not giving me a chance to answer before she says, “I think he’s full of shit. I think he’s gonna snatch you up someday and he’s gonna love you just as much as I do. More than I do,” she corrects,
“I think you’re gonna flip his world upside down and there'll be nothing he can do to stop it.”
“He’s gonna risk it all for you. You’ll see.”
“You know what?” She laughs bitterly, backing up a few steps. “I thought it was hot at first but I was wrong. What you’re doing to that boy is sick.”
Swallowing, I reach out and grab Katy’s list off my nightstand, feeling myself crumble while I read what she wrote at the bottom of the page. She knew. She always fucking knew.
“I don’t want you to forget,” he whispers, holding my gaze as he blinks the fresh tears from his eyes. “I just want you to love me anyway.”
He looks so sad and broken, and it hits me then that this is exactly what I wanted. I have his fragile little heart in the palm of my hand, I just need to crush it. And even though there’s something inside me screaming at me not to, that’s exactly what I do. “I don’t love you, party boy,” I say, channeling every ounce of hate I have left. “It’s just a game.”
“You win, Nate. I hate you just as much as you hate me.”
“Are you happy?” I ask, using my free hand to gesture to myself. “This is what you wanted, right? Can I leave now that I’ve paid my debt?”
“You told him I was in love with him, Carter!” I shout. “You know me better than anyone and now you’re acting like he’s nothing to me.”
“If he’s not nothing, then what is he?” “He’s everything, you idiot,” I blurt out,
“Xav, what’s going on?” I try not to make a sound, but a sob escapes me before I can stop it. “Nothing, I just… Nobody…” I trail off, feeling his arm curling around my waist from behind, pulling me back to his chest. “I feel so alone, Carter.” “I know,” he says softly, kissing my hair at the top of my head. “I know.”
“You miss her.” It’s not a question, but I still nod, sniffing as I wipe the drops of liquid from my mouth.
“Did you love her?” “You know I did.” “Yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about.” He moves closer, but he doesn’t touch me. “Were you in love with her, Xav?” “No,” I admit. “But sometimes I wish I was. At least then I wouldn’t be in love with someone who’s never gonna stop hating me.”
“Taking you home.” “Where’s home, Nate?” he bites out,
“It’s wherever I am, Xav.”
“Why would you call him?” I ask, stepping closer until his back hits the door jamb. “You barely even knew him back then. Why would you trust him? You tried to kill yourself and y—”
“Why didn’t you call me?” He frowns at that. “You wouldn’t have come.” I open my mouth, then close it again, shaking my head at how clueless he is.
“I was chasing you, you idiot.”
“I didn’t let you go,” I argue, wrapping my arms around his body to hold him close. “You said you were done. You didn’t say you’d leave me.”
“Nate…” He shakes his head, his lip trembling. “Please, don’t do this to me again. I can’t…”
“Is that why you went to him? Because I hurt you so bad you wanted to feel nothing again?” He nods and hides his face in my chest, gripping my shirt like I’m the only thing keeping him upright. “I’m sorry, baby,” I whispe...
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“Nate, stop.” “Why? What’s wrong?” “If you’re playing with me…” “I’m not. I…” I pause. “I want you to be mine. For real this time. We can be for real.”
I pushed him too far last night. I broke him just like I told him I would, and now he doesn’t trust me.
“Jesus Christ. I love you, okay?” I damn near shout, pushing him down on his back and crawling on top of him. “I hate myself for it but I fucking love you.” “That’s sweet.”
“I didn’t realize before you left last night but I…I’m not letting you go. I can’t do it. The thought of you walking away from me for good, finding some other guy and being with him instead of me…”
“I’ll never be able to stop chasing you, Xav. I won’t sit still or sleep or think about anything e...
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“It’s yours, baby,” I say, running my finger over my number. “I’m yours.”
“I know you probably don’t believe me, but it’s the truth. I would have come for you, Xav.”
“Trust me, that boy’ll walk outta the closet with no shame if it’s you standing next to him. He’d do anything for you, Nate. You know that.”
“I love you,” he finally says. “I’ve always loved you.”
