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August 14 - August 18, 2024
My face hurts like a bitch, but I don’t mind it. Everything always hurts on the inside anyway, so it's kind of nice to feel some pain on the outside again. Like maybe it’ll override it if I concentrate on the throb in my nose hard enough. It doesn’t work.
“And why would you have done that?” “Because I don’t want him.” His grip on my waist tightens as he stares at my mouth. “What do you want, party boy?” “Don’t act like you don’t know.”
I could blame it on the fact that I’m drunk, but I’d be a liar. The way I feel about him…that's not the alcohol. It’s all me.
He smells so sweet, and it pisses me off. Xavi Hart isn’t sweet. He’s poisonous.
He’s just as addictive as any drug I’ve ever taken, just as destructive and dangerous to my health. He fills every corner of my mind until all I can think about is getting him inside me again.
“Do you mean it when you say you hate me?” “No,” I admit, barely even thinking about it as I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up to brush my lips over his. “Most of the time I’m just pretending.”
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I hate him, but I can’t stay away from him. The way I’m pulled toward him…I’m fucking powerless to stop it.
“I’m an addict, Nate,” I rasp. “I need it.”
“Do you really expect me to forget what you did?” “I don’t want you to forget,” he whispers, holding my gaze as he blinks the fresh tears from his eyes. “I just want you to love me anyway.”
“He’s mine,” I tell him, not even bothering to lower my voice. “He’s always been mine. Even when you thought he was yours, it was always me he was thinking about. Every fucking time.”
“I’m sorry.” “No, you’re not.” He sighs. “Not really. And you don’t have to be. I deserved it. I knew what you’d do to me and I let it happen.”
“Love?” Xavi’s mom echoes, pulling her head back in surprise. “I thought you hated him.” Running my fingers over my pounding head, I don’t bother trying to explain it to her because I couldn’t if I tried. I don’t know how I got here, but I do know I’m not going back. I can’t go back.
