Like You Hate Me (Hawthorne University #1)

by Bethany Winters

She’s not dead. She can’t be dead. But he’s not lying.

I don’t want to leave my best friend here without saying goodbye, without telling her how sorry I am and how much I love her, but he’s not letting me stay. And even if I had the energy to fight him right now, I’d lose anyway.

It all comes back to him as far as I’m concerned. Everything is his fault. And I hate him for it.

My knuckles are killing me, but I don’t care. I like the burn, especially when it comes from him. It feels like a drug. My first hit in almost two years.

The bratty, defiant little bitch who never did a damn thing he was told. The way he’s looking at me… The kid’s got balls, I’ll give him that.

This was a mistake. I should have just gone back to my hole where I belong.

I’m not here by choice, but I’ll admit it didn’t take much to convince me. Because deep down, I know she’d want this for me. She’d want me to do this for her.

I’d have followed her off a bridge if she asked me to. She was my best friend. My only fucking friend.

They know how much I hate him. Everyone does. I’ve never tried to keep it a secret.

I changed my mind. I don’t want to see the look on his face.

“I told you I’d come, babe,” I whisper. “I’m here.” And I’m miserable without you.

Now I wear it as a punishment. As a reminder and a promise. I’ll never forget what he did to her.

He’s so close. Too close. What the fuck is he doing?

“Don’t act surprised, party boy,” he taunts. “You just asked me for this. Plain and fucking simple.” Maybe he’s right. I’ve earned his wrath, after all. It’s only fair he gives it to me.

Fuck, I forgot how much it hurts to look at him.

It’s never mattered how hard I try to hide it. He’s always been able to see me for what I am. Broken. Pathetic. Gay.

“You sure you wanna play this game with me, party boy?”

Go skinny dipping in a stranger’s pool.

This hate inside me feels like a living, breathing thing, and it wants Xavi Hart.

Now that he’s within reach, it wants to take him and own him, to pin him down and punish him for what he’s done, to make him cry and beg for me to make it stop.

Just go to sleep, Nate. But I can’t. I have to know. Climbing out of bed,

He locked it. He actually locked it. I don’t know why I’m pissed all of a sudden. This is what I wanted, isn’t it? So why does it feel like I just lost something?

Me in my crop tops and chokers and her in her fishnets and chunky boots. Two little fuckups against the world.

I hate how jealous I am of her. Because whatever they are, she gets to have him in a way that I don't. She knows him in a way I never will. I met him first, but he and I might as well be strangers.

“Jesus, the way you look at him…” Frankie mutters. “I wish someone would look at me like that.” “Like what?” “Like they wanna fight me and fuck me at the same time.”

“You hate it, don’t you?” she whispers against my lips, playing along like the good friend she is. “The way you want him. It pisses you off.”

number 13 on his back, his black and blue jersey

I’ve been right here, watching his heart sink with every shot, the light in his eyes fading more and more as time went on. It wasn’t long before the light went out completely and never came back.

He looks…sad, tired, lonely even though he’s surrounded by people who worship and adore him. He’s so far gone from the person he used to be, and it breaks my heart.

Glass in hand

But that’s not the problem. The problem is I’m not. I’m sober and he hates it. He doesn’t understand it and it’s killing him.

“I thought I told you to shut up.” “Make me.”

It’s what I crave most in the world. To see him fall apart, piece by piece until there’s nothing left.

“Oh my God,” he chokes out. “Shit, Nate.” “I know,” I say softly, watching his body move as he grinds his ass up, fucking me back. “Fuck. Keep going just like that. You look so hot like this, baby.”

I should have known better. I did know better. Right up until I didn’t.

Looks like in my head is exactly where he wants to be.

Who needs enemies, right?

“Bend over for me so I can eat this pretty ass.”

“Jesus Christ. Nate…” “What?” “You’re a fucking tease.” “Says the boy who dressed up like this and waited for me to come play with him,”

“Such a needy little whore for me.”

“Fuck, baby, you look so pretty,” I whisper, possessively grazing my thumb over the hickey beneath his ear. “You look like mine.”

It’s a weird feeling, both loving and hating something so much.

“Every time you look at me, I see how much you hate me. How much you wish it was me instead of her,” he adds, pulling in a long breath before he continues. “I ruined everything, Nate. I’ve got nothing and nobody left.”

Don’t. Don’t come, don’t come, don’t come.

I love that he’s playing with me like this, dragging it out like he’s just as desperate as I am to make it last.

“Then you’re mine,” he says simply, lowering his head to lick the marks on my neck. “Whenever and wherever and however I want you, you’re mine.” “And when you don’t want me? What am I then?” He shrugs like it should be obvious. “Nothing.”

My lips part as I stare at the side of his face. I’ve known this heartless asshole for five years, and I’ve never seen him act like this before. “I don’t think it’s stupid,” I say softly, resting my cheek on his arm. “I think it’s sweet.”

Fuck. He did not just do that. This motherfucker seriously just picked me up and yeeted me into the motherfucking sea!

He pulls out two cupcakes topped with vanilla frosting and rainbow sprinkles—mine and Katy’s favorite—and my mouth parts as he passes me one. When he takes out two silver candles, I grab his wrist and check his watch, my throat damn near closing up on me when I realize it’s almost midnight.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I hate him, but I can’t stay away from him. The way I’m pulled toward him…I’m fucking powerless to stop it.

“You wanna ruin my life, party boy?”