Quintessentially Q (Monsters in the Dark, #2)

by Pepper Winters

I may be a controlling bastard, but the moment Tess stalked into my life I lost my balls to her. I hoped she didn’t know just how much she affected me, because I was shit terrified of what the future meant for us.

She offered insanity. I wasn’t man enough for her, but I sure as hell had enough beast inside.

Her other palm rested on my unshaven cheek, jolting me with a dose of unconditional acceptance, need, want, and everything else that lived between us. Shit, I’m lucky. And so unworthy.

But I do trust that I know your limits even more than you do. I trust you…here.”

She dropped her hand to rest above my heart. It raced and pumped like a demon thing, bucking beneath her touch. “Let yourself feel. Let yourself accept. You’re more human than you want to believe.”

Some basic part of me, the unthinking but all-sensing part, knew I had to break Q completely before he could embrace the softer side of what we could have. He was afraid. But afraid of what? Maybe because he’d never had a bond like this before. Maybe he truly believed he was the devil and incapable of true love. But I wouldn’t give up on him.

“Do you want to know what I thought when I returned to you. The promise I made to myself?” Q froze, nostrils flaring. I took his silence as approval and continued, “I said I’d fight for you. That you deserved to be fought for. I didn’t know then, and I still don’t know what I need to finally get through to you—” I leaned forward, trying to get close enough to kiss him. He stiffened and his hold gave no room for movement. “—but I’ll never stop. I was right. You’re worth every fight. Every argument and bump in the road. I’ll fight because I’m falling for you, Q.”

“I’m sure to break other parts of you, but I don’t want the curse of breaking your heart.” “You can’t break something that is freely given.” A small part of me wanted him to say he’d treasure it, guard it, and nurture it forever, but that softness wasn’t there yet.

“And banish those thoughts from your head, esclave. No matter what I say, you are enough. Too much. Trop pure et parfaite pour un homme comme moi.”

My legs trembled, and in that moment I wanted nothing more than a simple hug. I wanted him to be soft and sweet, touch me and comfort me. He said I was enough, but I wasn’t so sure, and the insecurity made me desolate.

“Does that disgust you? Does it horrify you that I need this to feel connected? That this is a part of being loved by me?”

“Everything about you is mine. Do you deny it?”

“You’ll never be free of me. I’ll never be free of you. It’s fate who decides, and fate gave us each other.”

“You’re my wings. You made me fly.”

“You stole my loneliness. I may have given you wings, but you've become my gravity. I’ll never be free of your force.”

“I do care for you. Too damn much. You’ve turned me inside out and changed my entire world.” Everything crunched to a halt. I never expected him to be so honest. Maybe he dropped his walls when he cast away the barriers to his demons. We didn’t move as if terrified we’d break the moment. Our souls were stripped bare and free for the briefest of moments.

“Jusqu'où tu me laisserais aller?” How far would you let me go? He murmured so low, I barely heard him. My heart stopped beating, and I came up blank. I couldn’t answer his question. I didn’t know my boundaries; I didn’t want to put limits on learning how to coexist, and I definitely didn’t want to show the depth of fear I had that Q would eventually go too far and kill me.

“You let me decide how far to go,” he whispered, amazement in his tone.

But I refused to beg to be released or for Q to be careful. This was a battle he had to win with himself.

He worshiped me.

“You’ll never be free again. Je te garde pour toujours.”

Tess hadn’t told me what happened in Mexico, but if she ever did, I wouldn’t be responsible for the string of corpses that would be left behind.

The look she gave undid me. She accepted me. She wanted me. She made me feel worthy.

All I could do was stare at the woman who was successfully breaking me into smithereens just by being alive. What the fuck is happening to me?

“You’re my gravity. Je suis à toi,” I murmured. I’m yours. How could I fuck this woman, sleep beside her, and care for her when I didn’t even know her? My heart knew hers, my body belonged to hers, but I didn’t own her mind. And I wanted to. Needed to.

Possessiveness snarled deep in my belly and muscles locked with anger. I wanted to own her past, her present, her future. I wanted to be her first and last and fucking forever. I wanted to wipe everything from her life where I wasn’t the centre point of her evolution.

I wanted her to admit I ruined her as much as I hoped to fuck I hadn’t. Would I ever have one thought that wasn’t schizophrenic?

“Care to tell me what the other surprises were?” Perhaps the bit where you came undone, and it snapped so loudly, I heard it in my fucking soul?

She moved as if she had a delicious secret. She didn’t move like a woman I’d destroyed.

The terror that Tess would find others better than me. That she might one day grow to hate me and share my darkest secrets with the world. I hated myself for the thought. I could trust her. But I didn’t, and that one confession made me worse than every other fault combined.

The same crushing weight I’d felt when I stalked from my bedroom the morning I sent Tess away, pushed me into the seat. I’d never felt so hopeless, so helpless, so alone as I did when I watched her plane take off.

Gravity shifted. Again. I dragged Tess into my lap, wrapping my arms tight around her. In my embrace, I held the moon and stars and planets. I held my future fucking happiness, and I’d kill myself if I ever fucked it up.

Tonight I would take her out to dinner, and we’d have our first deep conversation about trivial things. I wanted to hear all her dreams and make them a reality. I wanted to crack her open and know every dark secret.

Her eyes dropped, but then met mine again with a vivid question in their grey depths. “Why me? Why did you let me into your life?”

“You need to accept this is all yours. I need you too badly to let you go.” I backed her up against the mirrored wall. “Tell me why I need you, Tess. You know the truth.”

I wanted to be buried so fucking deep inside her, she would never contemplate asking me why her ever again. Why her? Because she made me fucking happy for the first time in my sorry existence. She made me stronger, more grounded…more right.

“Because…” I licked her lips, begging her to finish her sentence. I had to hear why she cared. It meant the world to me. My stomach tensed, recognizing yet another change in me. I would never have cared about another person loving me before. Now, I needed it more than anything.

“Because you’re my monster in the dark, and I’m yours.”

He grinned, eyes glowing with such blazing intelligence it floored me. This man ran a worldwide company. He dedicated his life to helping others, all the while hating himself for his downfalls. I meant what I said—why me? What did I ever do so special to deserve him? Only someone perfect and worthy and conflicted enough to understand him was worthy of all this. I hated my doubt—hated my need to hear him say he was falling for me, too. Some part of me worried I’d never hear those words from him.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered. I gulped, drowning in his citrus and sandalwood. Most of the time we fought with dagger and claw, and yet in that moment, the intensity simmered to flowers and petals. For the first time ever, our connection was sweet. “Don’t go dreamy eyed on me, Tess. I’m feeling sentimental. That’s all. Don’t get used to moments like this. You’ll be sorely disappointed.” He untangled his fingers from mine and stalked into the building, leaving me shocked and alone. Had I done something, or had Q realized how tender the moment was and freaked? I guessed the second one was more likely.

But if you didn’t suffer, you would never have been sold to Q. My eyes widened. After everything—dealing with beatings, degradation, and being tagged like a dog—life rewarded me with my deepest desires. Did fate extract a horrible toll, all in the name of granting my ultimate wish?

“Don’t make this about you. How many times do I need to say it? I’m not afraid of you!” He threw his hands up. “Maybe you should be fucking scared of me. I’m the worst you’ll ever be with. No one else will come near you as I won’t allow it.” He thumped his chest, breathing hard, straining his immaculate graphite suit. “I’d kill for you, Tess. I have killed for you. Don’t undermine me by fearing others. Fear me. Let me rule you!” He rushed forward, capturing my nape. “My life guards your life. Tu es à moi.” You’re mine.

All along I thought I wasn’t broken, but maybe they fractured me just enough to stop me from healing completely.

A rush of gratitude filled me once again for being sold to such a strange, but moral man. My fate could’ve been so, so much worse. I was eternally lucky. He chuckled; the sound resonated in my ear, making my world right again. “No. I wished I never said you’d work for me. I’d rather keep you chained and subservient to me at home.” I laughed, and the last of my apprehension melted away. Q wanted me, Q would protect me, and eventually Q would love me. Me, the girl with nothing but a broken mind.

My mind spooled back to letting Tess go. My sacrifice hadn’t been voluntary. I wanted to keep her forever, but I didn’t want to crush her. Tess was my phenomenon. The once in a lifetime dream that I never thought I’d get. And I’ve fucked it up.

Franco and I never talked about our similarities, but we knew. It was easy to spot the monster in others.

Franco had no remorse for dealing out vengeance to those who deserved it. And that made him fucking perfect.

“You find her, and you make those bastards pay. She belongs with us. Find her quickly.” I couldn’t speak; my throat snapped closed. Tess touched all our lives, and we’d all be ruined if she never returned.

Down the back, nine men had already buckled up ready to go—an army of cloned power, ruthlessness, and severity. Black suits, black ties, and white shirts, I had an entire cast of James fucking Bond at my disposal.

I’m not frightened she won’t fight, I’m worried she’ll fight too hard.