Quintessentially Q (Monsters in the Dark, #2)

by Pepper Winters

You’re my obsession, I’m your possession. You own the deepest part of me...

Tess wanted to die. My Tess. The woman who made my heart keep beating had resorted to the last option available. She wants to die. She wants to leave me permanently. Whatever she’d lived through had been too much. Gone was the strong woman I knew, replaced with a shadow, a damaged hologram of who she used to be.

When I found Tess, my heart spontaneously exploded into shards. I’d never felt this way before. So weak. So afraid. So helpless.

Q Mercer no longer existed. I didn’t care about my company or image. Now all I cared about was smashing every single fucker who hurt women. Who hurt my woman.

The moment Tess walked into my life she owned me. I would never be free again. I never wanted to be free again. If Tess thought she’d leave me by killing herself, she’d hate me for eternity when I kept her alive.

“Tell me, esclave, and I’ll make it happen. Tell me what will halt your nightmares and bring you back to me.” For a while she didn’t respond. Then her eyes flickered open and her voice trembled with rage. “They don’t have h—hearts. I want to see if it’s true.”

She wanted their hearts. She wanted the most integral part of a person—the one symbol that represented compassion and love. She wanted it carved out of the men who hurt her. It would be my fucking pleasure.

But I had more faith in myself now. Thanks to Tess. She proved there must be something good inside me to deserve such a creature as her. She saved me in so many ways, and I didn’t even realize until now.

“I was wrong when I said you’re like us. You’re not.” I laughed, picking up the blade. I dragged the tip down his sternum, circling around the thing Tess asked me to retrieve for her. “No, I’m not like you.”

He wasn’t going to die an easy death. I wanted him to be alive the entire time I butchered him. “Je suis pire.” I’m worse.

Leave your mark, scar my skin, I will bow down to you, my king.

You crawled into the darkness, set my monster free, so scream, bleed, call out to me, but never say stop, never flee...

For the first time in my life, I let weakness consume me and I grieved. Grieved for what I lost when Tess was taken. Grieved for myself for what was stolen. Because one thing was for sure. Tess had changed. And I feared I’d never get her back.

If I had locked myself in a tower, he had chained his monster up and forgot who he was. We both existed in another dimension—one that would never have a happy ending and one I wanted to leave as soon as possible.

I knew Q was pulling away from me, but I didn’t care. I wanted to care. But I wanted to stay in my unfeeling tower more. And so I let him care for me, to nurse my body from broken to whole, all the while saying a silent goodbye. I let him drift away from me.

All you need to know is, I’ll make you come back to me. I didn’t fucking kill the monster inside me so I could heal you and not have you whole.” He dragged hands through his hair. “I didn’t sacrifice everything just so you could live a half life!”

“I had no fucking life before you. You are my life. Without you, I might as well take a shotgun to my head and join you in the dirt because, Tess, if you leave me—if you’re so fucking weak not to fight, then that is what will happen to me. You’ll crucify me.”

I gave up my entire life to make sure I was there for her, but she didn’t want me. She didn’t want the man with the beast who wanted to make her scream. She didn’t want the man who cared for her so sweetly and would never hurt her. She doesn’t want me. Any part of me.

I called her my love. I called her the sweetest endearment I’d ever called anyone in my life, and she didn’t react. I willingly opened my heart to her and finally fucking admitted that I no longer merely cared for her. I no longer even fell for her. I’d hit rock bottom and loved her with every inch of my fucking soul. And nothing.

All I could see was a woman I would die for, a woman who paid for my sins with her agony, and all I wanted to do was wrap her in silk and finery and never go near her again.

But she wasn’t my slave. She was the one who stole my heart, and I doubted I’d ever get it back.

“She’s flying free,” Q whispered, freezing me. He raised his head to look at a sparrow that landed on the mesh by his hand. “She’s leaving soon and I don’t think I’ll survive it.”

He hung his head before waving his arms. “Allez vous-en. Je ne veux plus de vous. Elle ne veut plus de plus alors ça sert à quoi, putain? ” Fly away. I no longer want you. She no longer wants me, so what's the fucking point?

“So low you must think of me.” He captured a curl, running it gently through his fingertips. “Fly away, esclave, if that is what you want. I won’t stop you.” His tone was bleak and derelict.

“I tried, Tess. I really did. I did everything you asked of me. I did everything a man in love would do for his woman. But you don’t want me and my beast no longer wants to hurt you. Whatever we had...it’s lost.”

“Je ne vais pas te faire de mal parce je ne veux pas te détruire.” I won’t hurt you, as I don’t want to destroy you. Cupping my cheek, he ran his thumb along my bottom lip. “I can’t stop you leaving, but I won’t stay to see you go.” His touch disappeared as he stepped back. “I don’t want to see you again. Goodbye, esclave.”

You’re my esclave, my soul mate, each other we own, you’re mine forever, my bird flew home...

I’d torn one man’s heart out, and now I wanted to tear out my own.

She’d successfully hurt me more than any other person in the world. She brought me to my fucking knees and I told the truth when I said I didn’t want to see her again. I couldn’t.

“She’s your other half, Q. She lives for the sharp pleasure of pain and you live to give it to her. If there have ever been two people who belong together, it’s you.”

“If you truly don’t think there’s hope, then leave. Get as far away from Q as possible, because you’ll only kill him faster by staying.”

“But if you think there might be some small chance—some miniscule hope that you can work through what they did to you—then stay. You owe him that.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have a wife who loves me, and I really need to go and tell her how much I care. Seeing such a perfect thing ru...

Q brushed his lips against mine ever so sweetly, repeating in English, forcing me to swallow the words. “You may not be mine, but I’m fast becoming yours.”

Tess did me a favour—she reminded me I wasn’t good enough.

But I had other things to live for. I would save more slaves than ever before; I would make sure others could have a happy ending instead. That would be my legacy.

“It’s not a negotiation, Tess. You’re doing this. I’m just letting you know how much this will hurt me. How much I’m willing to put my life on the line—for you.”

“You could be anywhere and I would still hurt, esclave.”

I’ve loved you in my own way, but it’s not enough to fix you. I can’t whip what happened out of you. You need to help yourself, and I’m offering to be the one you take all that rage and pain out on.”

“It’s all my fault you’re like this. So if I order you to make me suffer, it’s the least you can do. Libère moi de ma douleur, Tess.” Free me of my pain.

“I asked you once to give me your pain as my pleasure. This time take my pain as your pleasure.”

I fucking loved this woman. Not just for now. Not just for tomorrow. But always. Now and forever, I was hers.

“I give you myself, Tess. If it doesn’t make you come back to me, then this is it. This is the last time I’ll have you close, and I want to see passion in your eyes one last time.”

“Je t'aime, Tess.” I love you. “Nous sommes les uns des autres.” We are each other’s.

I couldn’t breathe properly from crying so hard, but Q gingerly put his arm around me, holding me weakly against his beaten body. “I forgive you. I did it for you. Don’t cry.”

“I wanted a room that symbolized us. The cage is a promise.”

For a man who’d never hugged before, he held me often. He didn’t hold me with just love, though. He held me with possession, aggression, obsession.

With strong, sure fingers, Q unbuttoned his white shirt. Once spread wide, giving glimpses of sparrows and barbwire, he traced his fingers over his heart. “This belongs to you, Tess. Brand me there so you’ll also know.”

But not dealing with the monster’s urges allowed me to grow closer to Tess than I’d ever thought possible. I was able to comfort her without needing to squeeze too hard, or let her laugh without having to throw her to the ground and fuck her.

“Get up,” I ordered, sitting on my knees, the belt still in my hand. Tess instantly obeyed and I growled with pleasure. The moment she was upright, I pointed at my cock. “Sit on it.”