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Kyabjé Künzang Dorje Rinpoche told me “Vajrayana is not ordinary and so ordinary language cannot be used. Vajrayana is the poetry of existence beyond space and time. Vajrayana is every art and you must be practising every art. If you do not practise every art – how can you know the elements? And if you do not know the elements – how can you know the essence of the elements and open your eyes to great vision?” Art has therefore been my life in every sense – as far as I can make that possible. This book is a symbol of my gratitude to Rinpoche for making that obvious to me.
The words and deeds of Tibetan yogis and yoginis exist in the same world as the world of: John Milton and Milton Keynes;[6] William Blake and Willie Dixon; Franz Schubert and Frank Zappa; William Shakespeare and William Carlos Williams. For anyone who wants access to the teachings of wisdom eccentrics – it’s found within the world we know. Trying to find it in a Land of Snows you may never see is impractical.
Künzang Dorje Rinpoche was beyond anything I’d ever known. He was kind—extremely kind—but in a manner that was initially incomprehensible. He was also majestically—if not vividly—ruthless. Somehow, I knew he liked me – but whether he liked me as a father might like his son, or as a tiger might like a gazelle – was not easy to distinguish. He was dazzlingly wild—magnificently ferocious—and he knew the answer to the nature of existence. He read it like a book. He read it in everything he saw, heard, tasted, or otherwise sensated.
Fierce compassion.
When you begin having even the faintest idea that someone knows everything there is to know about reality – that person ceases to be ordinary in any sense. How did I know he knew that? Well … to be honest … I can’t answer that. All I can say is that it seemed obvious to me at the time. I felt it in my blood, bone, muscle, cartilage, and nasal septum.
YES!
I feel that it is possible to enter the world of Vajrayana – whilst remaining English or whatever nationality you happen to be. I believe that you can cross boundaries and live in the tidal margins between cultures. You can be a gay rodeo rider; a vegetarian fire-arms enthusiast; a priest who enjoys the sport of pugilism; a pacifist who enjoys war novels; or, a heavy metal guitarist who loves Baroque chamber music. You can even be a hippie who speaks the Queen’s English, enjoys Shakespeare plays, and reads Jane Austen novels … Oh, that’s me by the way – welcome to my book.
ALL THE THINGS! AND NO THING.
How could I explain my position? It seemed as if I were always on the cusp of two worlds – the world of Western scientific rationalism and the world where anything is possible. The problem for me was that I had no idea how I cut the deck – so I had nothing rational to offer. There was the world of visionary appearances and the world of hard facts. I knew there was a cross-over—and I was exploring that cross-over—but I had no interest in absorbing ghoulish mythological structures as part of my raison d’être if they obstructed my freedom of choice.
some visionary idea on board – I’d have to choose to do so for reasons that were personally meaningful. There’d have to be an experiential linkage with something or someone that was powerful enough to shift me out of my habitual paradigms.
I’d privately designated that kind of conversation as ‘lama-karma-dharma’ – or ‘pranayama-pyjama-panorama’ if it was espoused by the followers of Swami Up’n’under.
“Yah … ’thom yor …” he yawned. “You do not understand rigpa … or even ma-rigpa …”[79] he replied matter-of-factly. “Rigpa—realisation—is not always present – and … Paltrül’s devotion is too strong … too strong.” Rinpoche watched my expression of vague bewilderment for a while – and, when he considered that enough time had elapsed, commented “The relationship with the Lama should not be based on our desires. No matter how much devotion Paltrül has, he should not make an indulgence of it. He can’t demand to dominate his Lama with his devotion …” [pause] “What do you say now?!”
“Yah … yah … yah …” Rinpoche yawned “So … it is—very—easy to understand! What makes it difficult to understand is only—your idea—of what things mean! It’s not that you can’t understand! You just have wrong ideas! And wrong ideas stop you understanding because you cannot mix them with reality! Do you understand this?!”
… If I try to mix the nature of reality that I receive from you with the nature of duality that I take to be real – then all I can understand is duality – and then I’ll be an idiot.”
“So … an idiot’s idea of what is not idiocy … can only be idiocy?”
“Yah … it is not always easy to find good circumstances for rebirth …” Rinpoche paused for
“I’m an insignificant resident of awareness – and … I sit here merely to inconvenience you with the conversation of an old man. I have no authority other than that which places my motivation outside the realm of comprehension.
further. “You know … it’s not always good to give advice in specific about how things should be done. It’s not always wise to supply every detail. If advice is given that leaves no room for manœuvre, you make everything into form – and then form becomes emptiness. Sometimes it’s better to allow emptiness in order for the form of compassion to arise according to circumstances that are outside your control.”
it’s a ’thom yor who doesn’t make use of the fact that everyone has their own knowledge. Paltrül—wise as he was—couldn’t know every part of every situation. He had to trust in emptiness. Maybe you will often find yourself in situations where there’s too much that you cannot understand. At such times you may have to trust in giving generalised guidance and incomplete directions. Sometimes there are no good answers to human problems. Sometimes there are too many.”
We sat in silence for a while in which I played
with ideas of Lamas having a plethora of rôles as invisible social workers, invisible politicians, and invisible diplomats.
Sometimes you have to spread the illness of kindness in the guise of a desperado – and sometimes in the guise of a ’thom yor.
High mountain meadows—ornamented by alpine flowers—are the shrine rooms of yogis and yoginis. Gilded ceremonial halls—where constipated monastics fart—are the shrine rooms of ’thom yors.
“I think I will have to watch for the intention and learn to see the intention forming so that I can avoid allowing it to override my awareness.” “Oh yah … this is being clear …”
Rinpoche clearly was Padmasambhava in every respect – as was Kyabjé Düd’jom Rinpoche and as is his son Dung-sé Thrin-lé Norbu Rinpoche.
“Remember your mother, Nyoshul! Your mother was your real teacher!”
but something suddenly struck me forcefully about the way time disappears. The sense of impermanence and the preciousness of relationship seemed to overwhelm me. I was struck by the fact that every moment with another human being can be one of immense value and appreciative sincerity.
This was another uncanny performance from my teacher – another example of how he orchestrated our conversations, so that parts of the stories he told echoed aspects of what went on in discussing them. These recognitions were devastating in their simplicity.
“Do not make—anything—in your life a matter of regret. Regret means you have acted without awareness! Keep your awareness and you will—never—have to regret anything. Keep your awareness and you will not become ’thom yor again. If you doubt your awareness then simply be kind. Be like your mother.”
It seems for me—as for Nyoshul—that my mother was also my teacher in many ways. Whenever I think of my mother, the same raw emotion comes up, as it did when I was with Rinpoche. I remember his face when he spoke of his own mother, and the sense of transmission becomes a seamless flow between us all. My mother was a much-loved woman in her community. Her neighbours have no hesitation in telling me what a wonderful mother I had. The major hope of my life is that I might be remembered as having even half the kindness, generosity, and thoughtfulness which characterised my mother.
“ Not emotionally ridiculous like a ’thom yor – but you feel strongly …and that makes you awake to everything …” [pause] “This … is good … but you have to have strength to carry this emotion. This is changchub sem and a changchub sempa[151] must be a warrior.” “Do you think I can be a warrior?” Rinpoche laughed and then gazed at me affectionately. “You have no choice …” [pause] “Yah … you will see …” [pause] “You have a long life to live … and you will see.”
Dorje Tröllö. Crazy wisdom is the quality of realisation that cuts through every position. It cuts through all the spiritual positions too. It turns the ‘spiritual’ and ‘non-spiritual’ inside out and explodes the limitations inherent in the patterns that belong to either.
“… every sound is mantra … every movement is mudra … every act is empowerment … every moment is transmission …”
Rinpoche gave me a sideways glance. “You can’t simply—decide—to be impartial. You have to have the strength, capacity, and realisation to be impartial …” [pause] “Power …” Rinpoche concluded “… relies on being able to let go of everything. “You must be able to allow everything to fall apart. Power rests on the ability to let everything for which you’ve worked be destroyed. You can’t have power whilst there is anything that you want to keep intact. This is why Paltrül has the power to command this local protector.[171] Paltrül can—not—be
bought.”
observed “… some people have power without realising it – people who simply are-what-they-are.”
I have realised that power has got very little to do with power to – but rather, power not to. It is not a question of supernormal abilities. It’s a question of being prepared to die in the next moment – to be totally insignificant. The power to be unafraid of looking like an idiot. The power not to care about what people think or say. It is not a question
of being physically, intellectually, or emotionally strong – but of being open to annihilation. Everything has to matter—and not matter—at the same time.
“What is important …” Rinpoche concluded “… is that you’re able to have the fearlessness of a brigand and the heart of a kind mother …” [pause] “Do you think you can be like this?”
“There is no need to become a Tibetan – but also there is no need to remain within the Western view. A yogi must be totally beyond culture.”
“Oh yah …” [pause] “… there is love between lovers who are ’thom yors – and there is love that makes a reflection. When this reflection occurs the couple become like mirrors and they reflect the nature of Mind for each other. Then transmission is possible in many ways
Vajrayana is not ordinary and so ordinary language cannot be used. Vajrayana is the poetry of existence beyond space and time …” [pause] “Do you have poetry with you here?”
“Vajrayana is every art and you must be practising every art. If you do not practise every art – how can you know the elements? And if you do not know the elements – how can you know the essence of the elements and open your eyes to great vision?”
“It seems to me that compassion is not really possible unless you can desire – because if you can’t desire, you can’t have much appreciation of what arises in the sense fields. If you can’t appreciate what arises in the sense fields, you can have no communication with phenomena and therefore no capacity for compassion …” [pause] “In Sutrayana we’re taught not to grasp – but that’s because we delude ourselves with the idea that phenomena can cause happiness. With Vajrayana however, there is the understanding of emptiness – that phenomena are empty of the causes of happiness—or—misery.”
“Well, various stories of Drukpa Künlegs come to mind. In several stories he’s given jewellery – and the first thing he does is to bedeck himself with it. He dances ’round for a while and then gives it back – saying that he doesn’t need it. He was able to thoroughly enjoy the jewellery without owning it …” [pause] “I have the feeling that owning or not owning has nothing to do with it. It’s whether there’s appreciation on the one hand or merely the desire to possess on the other …” [pause] “When you know that happiness
arises from appreciation rather than possession – you can either have or not have – it doesn’t matter which …” [pause] “… and as for Paltrül, he appreciates what the thief appreciates and enjoys the thief’s possession of what he desired.”
I had no desire to find power in arcane procedures – I simply wished to bring the wind from the mountains into the lives of everyday family people. Everyday family people were however, as much beneath the notice of those who wished they were celibate as those who seemed sexually incontinent.
The Buddhism I’ve studied and practised doesn’t require beliefs – it requires openness. The alternative to belief does not have to be active disbelief. In terms of Buddhism – you either know or you don’t know. If you’ve practised enough, you will know what holds true in your own experience – and will therefore have no need of belief or disbelief. Knowing what holds true – you can then view the realm of what you don’t know as a good working hypothesis. That’s been my approach all along – and it’s worked well for me. I’ve therefore not vacillated in my relationship to Dharma. Show me a yeti and
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“The ocean is not defined by waves” he stated, pointing at the sea. “Waves, you can study forever – but you will find no definition of ocean there …” [pause] “Waves arise in the ocean. They are limitless like thoughts in Mind …” [pause] “If you don’t try to define ocean by studying waves – you will see waves and ocean are indivisible.” No one moved. The scene was silent even of seabirds. Rinpoche pointed up at the sky to a point where there were a few clouds moving. “Sky is vast—beyond limits—but there is endless movement. Clouds arise and dissolve – but sky is not affected by clouds – even
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The Tibetan for crazy wisdom is yeshé ’cholwa. According to Trungpa Rinpoche, it means ‘wisdom gone wild’. Yeshé means primordial awareness and ’cholwa means thrown into chaos. This is the quality of nondual realisation which offends conventional spirituality. Crazy wisdom offends conventional spirituality because of the compromises that conventional spirituality makes with duality. Where socially controlled, organised, regimented, religious pedestrianism corrupts the essence of nondual teaching – crazy wisdom can be manifested to clear the decks.
Crazy wisdom is uncomfortable for most people – especially the politically correct and spiritually correct. I explain this, not because I’m a wild card of some sort – and not because I like to boogie all night long. I explain this because current social trends in the world of Western Buddhism would neuter Vajrayana. The following chapter gives some glimpses of the world of crazy wisdom and also … the world of psychological dysfunction. They wove in and out of each other in Rinpoche’s sangha. He worked with the warp and weft of every situation from the position of yeshé ’cholwa – and, as you
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Knowledge that is merely information is useless – it’s only the knowledge-of-direct-experience that’s important.”
“If you hear the sound of the birds outside—if you really hear them—then you’ll hear Guru Rinpoche’s mantra. If you hear this way, you will know the result of the development and completion stages – and Dzogchen is possible.”
