Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion

by Marlene Winell

Like other feelings, guilt should not be considered an end in itself, nor as punishment. Guilt is a signal to do something differently, and this is functional for survival. When mistakes are viewed this way, they become learning experiences. You feel bad, review what happened, make new decisions about what you would do in the future, and repair whatever damage you can. “Neurotic guilt,” like that often fostered by religion, is a different matter. It tends to be excessive and inappropriate, based on the expectations of others instead of personal values or dwelling on the error rather than using the guilt feelings to make a change. In your religious experience, committing a sin made you a sinner, a bad deed made a bad person. This global condemnation creates low self-worth and more neurotic guilt and misery.

To be honest, one aspect of deconstruction that I had a hard time getting behind is that of guilt being the enemy-something thing that I needed to avoid in order to learn to love myself. However, I also knew that guilt as I had known it is destructive. All it ever did was make me freeze, afraid to try things, and buried me in self loathing and depression. But...what if I can see guilt as a tool of alerting me when I’ve done something wrong, acknowledging it, making it right, and being active about not repeating the wrong? Game changer.