Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion

by Marlene Winell

This book is not anti-God, anti-church, or anti-spirituality, but it is anti-dogma. It is about problems with rigid religions — those that hold their tenets to be more important than people to the point where believers can be harmed.

Therefore, no matter how altruistic its announcements, a rigid religion will produce judgment, because there will always be “others” who believe differently. Judgment leads to discrimination and, all too often, to persecution. Dogma can never bring us together to understand each other in our shared humanity.

Because fundamentalism splits everything into black and white, you may have developed an unrelenting perfectionism. You will need to allow yourself to be human now, understand old messages about mistakes and “shoulds,” and learn flexibility and compassion.

I don’t know how to experience the beauty of nature and to be as one with it. Participating in bettering the world, such as work on environmental, political, or social concerns, is an even greater stretch. Accepting that you are indeed home, here and now, will enhance your recovery. You can let go of wishful thinking and be here fully in the drama of humanity. Other people are not saints or devils, and life is a rich mixture of pleasure and pain.

But no matter how zealous I became, I did my share to contribute to the pain and conflict in my family. I felt guilty for my part and I blamed the others for theirs. How nice it would have been to learn something about communication or how to express feelings! But nowhere in our belief system was there any help for working on these things — only hope that God would do miracles. Troubled relationships only meant lack of faith or submission to God. I remember sadness and unrelenting guilt for disappointing a God who had sent his son to die.