The Marriage Builder: Creating True Oneness to Transform Your Marriage

by Larry Crabb

Whenever the goal of our behavior is essentially to change the other person — whether the change is good or bad — we are wrong. Unless there is the purpose of communicating love based on an awareness of our spouses’ needs, we qualify as manipulators, not ministers. The key to achieving Soul Oneness is to maintain the fundamental goal of ministry to our partner’s deepest needs and to keep that goal inviolate.

I am to say nothing that in any way compromises the basic goal of ministering to the needs of the one to whom I am speaking.

the principle of ministry on which Soul Oneness depends: Husbands and wives are to regard marriage as an opportunity to minister in a unique and special way to another human being, to be used of God to bring their spouses into a more satisfying appreciation of their worth as persons who are secure and significant in Jesus Christ.

But husbands and wives can help convince their partners of their value and bring them to fuller enjoyment of their riches in Christ.

To be able to profoundly influence another human being in a way that promotes a fulfilling awareness of their wholeness in Christ is a thrilling opportunity.

Because each was looking to the other to provide for their personal needs, their tick-on-a-dog relation could not develop Spirit Oneness.

Both partners must change their goals from manipulation to ministry. And the revolution requires supernatural intervention. Otherwise it cannot succeed.*

Until I am aware that my needs are already met in Christ, I will be motivated by emptiness to meet my needs.

We must become convinced of the sufficiency of Christ to the point where our goals toward our spouses shift from manipulation to ministry.